Author Archives for Ellen
Grace
The past week or two i was thinking of throwing the I Ching. I waited. Today it was a good time for me. I had work to do, so i didn’t have plenty of time to work on ellenpronk.com. And the I Ching is something i can simply do at home, not difficult.
I did have a vague question. How do i go further?
This morning i went to the vet with my cat Muis (= Mouse). His diabetes is playing up. His blood was checked, i got insulin for him. Yes, plenty of money, i’m afraid.
I still feel there is something inside me, or outside me, connected to this website, waiting to burst out. But you know, i could be wrong! Easily! I could be sitting here in my house waiting for it to be sold of, me to be homeless and without steady internet. Seeing my life crumble before my eyes. I can see all the people laughing at me, pointing their fingers at me, saying I told you so!
That won’t happen. I’m pretty sure. Almost a 100%. Like 99%.
I don’t know.
I still feel there is something around me. But it is hard to talk about it with friends. Or strangers. Or at all. I gotta keep on going, now is the time, i can not let anything distract me from my true goal.
Goal?
Well, those sort of thoughts.
I do know my thoughts are changing. I’m watching tv a lot more critical, watching the people say their words, do their things. Some of it is terrible. This whole world is filled with people talking their mind with no proper thought. Or so it seems.
Why do i see myself in the center of that world?
It’s not that i have all the answers.
I think.
27. I / Corners of the Mouth (Providing Nourishment)
This hexagram is a picture of an open mouth; above and below are firm lines of the lips, and between them the opening. Starting with the mouth, through which we take food for nourishment, the thought leads to nourishment itself. Nourishment of oneself, specifically of the body, is represented in the three lower lines, while the three upper lines represent nourishment and care of others, in a higher, spiritual sense.
THE JUDGMENT
THE CORNERS OF THE MOUTH.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
Pay heed to the providing of nourishment
And to what a man seeks
To fill his own mouth with.In bestowing care and nourishment, it is important that the right people should be taken care of and that we should attend to our own nourishment in the right way. If we wish to know what anyone is like, we have only to observe on whom he bestows his care and what sides of his own nature he cultivates and nourishes. Nature nourishes all creatures. The great man fosters and takes care of superior men, in order to take care of all men through them. Mencius says about this:
If we wish to know whether anyone is superior or not, we need only observe what part of his being he regards as especially important. The body has superior and inferior, important and unimportant parts. We must not injure important parts for the sake of the unimportant, nor must we injure the superior parts for the sake of the inferior. He who cultivates the inferior parts of his nature is an inferior man. He who cultivates the superior parts of his nature is a superior man.
THE IMAGE
At the foot of the mountain, thunder:
The image of PROVIDING NOURISHMENT.
Thus the superior man is careful of his words
And temperate in eating and drinking.“God comes forth in the sign of the Arousing”: when in the spring the life forces stir again, all things comes into being anew. “He brings to perfection in the sign of Keeping Still”: thus in the early spring, when the seeds fall to earth, all things are made ready. This is an image of providing nourishment through movement and tranquillity. The superior man takes it as a pattern for the nourishment and cultivation of his character. Words are a movement going form within outward. Eating and drinking are movements from without inward. Both kinds of movement can be modified by tranquillity. For tranquillity keeps the words that come out of the mouth from exceeding proper measure, and keeps the food that goes into the mouth from exceeding its proper measure. Thus character is cultivated.
Six in the third place means:
Turning away from nourishment.
Perseverance brings misfortune.
Do not act thus for ten years.
Nothing serves to further.He who seeks nourishment that does not nourish reels from desire to gratification and in gratification craves desire. Mad pursuit of pleasure for the satisfaction of the senses never brings one to the goal. One should never (ten years is a complete cycle of time) follow this path, for nothing good can come of it.
This hexagram shows a fire that breaks out of the secret depths of the earth and, blazing up, illuminates and beautifies the mountain, the heavenly heights. Grace-beauty of form-is necessary in any union if it is to be well ordered and pleasing rather than disordered and chaotic.
THE JUDGMENT
GRACE has success.
In small matters
It is favorable to undertake something.Grace brings success. However, it is not the essential or fundamental thing; it is only the ornament and therefore be used sparingly and only in little things. In the lower trigram of fire a yielding line comes between two strong lines and makes them beautiful, but the strong lines are the essential content and the weak line is the beautifying form. In the upper trigram of the mountain, the strong line takes the lead, so that here again the strong element must be regarded as the decisive factor. In nature we see in the sky the strong light of the sun; the life of the world depends on it. But this strong, essential thing is changed and given pleasing variety by the moon and the stars. In human affairs, aesthetic form comes into being when traditions exist that, strong and abiding like mountains, are made pleasing by a lucid beauty. By contemplating the forms existing in the heavens we come to understand time and its changing demands. Through contemplation of the forms existing in human society it becomes possible to shape the world.
THE IMAGE
Fire at the foot of the mountain:
The image of GRACE.
Thus does the superior man proceed
When clearing up current affairs.
But he dare not decide controversial issues in this way.The fire, whose light illuminates the mountain and makes it pleasing, does not shine far; in the same way, beautiful form suffices to brighten and to throw light upon matters of lesser moment, but important questions cannot be decided in this way. They require greater earnestness.
A short thought on these signs and their meaning for me right now. I does remind me of the past ten years, in which i remained silent. I was leading a perfectly ordinary life, working, gaming, watching television shows. But i was standing still.
I d feel different now. I’m moving. Thinking out loud, in this place. I don’t mind that much that this place is not visited by many people. I need this time to clear my head, formulate my thoughts, look around and determine my position. Where do i stand? Where do i start from? What do i want to say?
So for now, these two signs do tell me something valuable.
I need to find a position from where i can sit still and look around. From where i can watch the world hurtle by.
I am almost there.
I think.
Platinum
A walk in Rotterdam: from Marconiplein to Dijkzigt
This Tuesday morning i woke up early. I was lying there crying for a bit, then i decided to get out of bed. Half past seven.Even though i thought of doing a bit of work today, i decided to go out and go for a walk. I was in the metro half past eight. It was busy. All people going to work. All silent. Within themselves.
I went to the Marconiplein, the place my walk a week ago had ended. I knew about the gardens i wanted to visit. The Voedseltuin and the Tuin op de Pier were my main targets. But while i was walking there, i was thinking of the milieupark which was close to the Voedselpark. The place where you can go and throw away stuff which can be recycled or re-used. I took a look at all the different kinds of material you can bring there: tires, plastic stuff, chemical stuff, metals, building material. I loved the little gallery of little garden gnomes and dragons and fat chinese man standing together just when you entered the park.
I wasn’t allowed to take any photos of the place. I only took one photo of the view. Looking across the New Waterway towards the place north of Heijplaat. Looking right at the place i took the photo at, the one with the text ‘Across the water the three flats of Marconiplein. I used to live close to them from 1985 – 1995.‘ beneath it.
I turned back on towards the Voedseltuin, the Food Garden (Facebook page). There were quite a few people there, around ten i guessed. I walked all around the circles in which all the vegetables were growing. They were still working on building the last ones. They were using old pedestrian footpath tiles, breaking them into two or four pieces. A lot of work!
I talked a bit with Max, the garden coordinator. I told him about this small project, getting to know the collective gardens in Rotterdam and a bit more about their organization and the volunteers involved. The Voedseltuin is quite a bit bigger than the Peace Garden. They have four working times in a week, from Monday till Thursday. It is a bit better organized than the Peace Garden, i have to say. On their website voedseltuin.com i read more about their goals, re-integration and permaculture.
A lovely garden. I might go and do some days of work there, to get to know the place a bit better. Not sure it would be for the long term though.
After the Voedseltuin i walked to the Dakpark Rotterdam. There used to be train rails here. Now there are big shops on one side, and on their roofs this park is build. It is eerily orderly. The grass is properly mowed. It is also very quiet. When i asked someone near the fountain, she said it was because schools had just begun this week. True!
Halfway this park there were some small allotments. Above them a couple of sheep were supposed to graze the grass short. I didn’t really see them out and about. They were also fenced of with electrical wires, not easy to go and see them.
I walked through these allotments and walked out of the park towards the end of the Oude Delfshaven with the mill standing there proudly. I followed the Westzeedijk to the Lloyd Quarter. Old harbour area, repurposed with housing and companies buildings. The Garden on the Pier, Tuin op de Pier is there in between the houses near the water.
I was lucky, there were people there as well. They used circles to plant their crops and flowers in as well. This garden was set up by the people living around it. The area isn’t used yet for housing and it looked derelict in between the high rising new buildings. They set up this garden as a space to relax, grow vegetables and herbs and flowers and a place to meet.
Reading their 2015 annual report, this garden is quite active and financially supported by a group of friends consisting mainly of the people living around it. Yoga, Easter Egg hunting with children, many cooking and eating together evening. The kale and rabbit meal in November stands out for me. Once a year they have a moles catcher with his ferret in the garden to try and catch as many rabbit as possible. Subsequently they bake and eat the rabbit with kale grown in the garden itself. I’m sure i’ll be back in this garden soon!
I did walk to another, smaller garden at the other end. By that time my iPhone was dead, the battery empty. I was also getting a bit tired. It was past one already, i had walked for more than four hours. Time to get something to eat and go home. Where i rested my tired feet for a while on the couch before i wrote this piece.
Great walk!
My 7″ singles
Wedding dresses
My favorite wedding dresses. First i thought of a short dress, one with a tight waist and a wide skirt. But i did come across some long ones i really like as well. All are quite minimal, of course. I did make a pinterest board with all the ones i found. Will do some more searches.
If it does actually happen, my wedding, i will ask a fashion designer if he or she wants to design a wedding dress for me. I don’t know if they will do that though. So i will continue my search. It does give a big amount of pleasure searching around, trying to imagine myself in a dress and eventually find to my ultimate wedding dress.
I haven’t found my dress yet. And there are also the shoes to think of, the make up, the undergarments. But of course, the most important asset of the day, the husband to be, i haven’t met yet. Just a minor detail.
Vlog #1 Bridges
My first real vlog! So many things to get used to. Talking. Brrrr. Looking in the camera. Brrrr. But still, considering this is my first outside filmed vlog, it is ok. I guess.
I did enjoy the walk. And the talks with different people. The fisherman. The photographer. I gave them my old card, with a drawing of me on it, and my website written on the back. I should get some more. I kinda liked sharing these.
Enjoy your weekend!
Going Through the Motions
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of my most favourite television shows of all time. Yeah, ok, Firefly is up there too, it had a great half a series run. But the seven seasons of Buffy are so wonderful. The late 90s, watching the show on television, it was so much fun. I don’t think i remembered at the time i actually had seen the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer in 92 or 93 at the Rotterdam Filmfestival. It was one of my more easy going picks end i enjoyed it so much then.
This episode, Once More, With Feeling, is the special musical episode. When this episode was broadcasted in the Netherlands, the net didn’t know what to do with this. They decided to broadcast it out of the usual time for Buffy, later at night. So stupid! This episode is in the top three list of my favourite Buffy ones. Together with Hush and The Body.
Watching Buffy was the start of my admiration of Joss Whedon. A thoroughly nice person with up until now excellent taste in choosing the right direction to go into. Starting with Buffy, then Angel, Firefly, Dolllhouse and ending with the Avengers blockbusters. Hopefully more will follow.
So, i tried to sing the first song of Once more, With Feeling. It is hard, to sing a cappella, i admit. Hard to hold the tune. As you may have noticed in my earlier songs. Still, it was great hearing and seeing all the songs once again. All the clips are included in this post. Enjoy!
I mean it, ENJOY!!
Going Through The Motions – Once More With Feeling, Buffy
BUFFY:
Every single night
The same arrangement
I go out and fight the fight
Still, I always feel the strange estrangement
Nothing here is real
Nothing here is right
I’ve been making shows of trading blows
Just hoping no one knows
That I’ve been going through the motions
Walking through the part
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart
I was always brave and kind of righteous
Now I find I’m wavering
Crawl out of your grave
You find this fight just doesn’t mean a thing
VAMP:
She ain’t got that swing
BUFFY:
Thanks for noticing
VAMPS AND GOAT DEMON:
She does pretty well with fiends from hell
But lately, we can tell
That she’s just going through the motions (Going through the motions)
Faking it some how
GOAT DEMON:
She’s not even half the girl she…ow.
BUFFY:
Will I stay this way forever?
Sleepwalk through my life’s endeavor?
VERY HANDSOME GUY:
How can I repayโ
BUFFY:
Whatever.
I don’t want to be
Going through the motions
Losing all my drive
I can’t even see
If this is really me
And I just want to be
Alive!
The original start of the Buffy episode Once More, With Feeling
And the rest of the songs…
Shadow Play
Thanks to Nina and Lana for this wonderful event <3
A walk in Rotterdam: the Essenburgsingel
This morning i went for a walk past some allotments, municipal gardens and other such initiatives in Rotterdam. I will make more walks like this over the next weeks. I won’t always find people to talk to, but it is good to see the gardens and its crops anyway.
De Spoortuin
I was lucky. There were people in the Spoortuin. I got an walk through the most amazing woody foresty garden, next to the railway and the Essenburgsingel, so close to the center of Rotterdam. The start of this garden is a municipal garden, with some areas for schools close by. Next a small building for the tools, with grapes growing outside of it. And then a narrow woody path besides the water, mint growing beside it. Some trees form bridges over narrow water inlets, good for fish, birds and frogs. A magnificent tree fallen down, with new trees growing straight up into the sky from its trunk. An extremely wide tree with thick ivy stalks grwoing up into its crown of leaves.
Rinus told me a few years back there was the intention to build houses in this place. The people living around it joined up together to fight this plan. They won! The garden is wonderful. I’ll go back there to make a couple more photos.
Links and photos
Wilde natuur in hartje Rotterdam, bestaat dat?
The rest of the walk
I was less lucky for the next part of the Essenburgsingel. Both gardens there were closed, the Educatieve Tuin Essenburgsingel and the Pluktuin. I did make photos of the entrances. All three of these gardens are part of the bigger Essenburg Park. I’m not sure how this area will develop, i will do more searches and hope to talk to people over there soon about this lovely area.
I walked further on, over the Mathenesserbridge and along the Mathenesserweg to the tube station Marconiplein. My old neighborhood. Some new housing, like my old house, demolished years ago. But other than that basically still the same. I took the tube back home. A good walk!