Categories for General

My own worst enemy

It is hard to feel free. Independent. Not following the rules so many people feel are directing their lives. Free to laugh, to talk, to be angry, to fight for what is right. I am my own worst enemy.

I am still standing in one point, pivoting around. Not sure which way to move into. I think fantasies are holding me back, keeping me bolted here. I need to let go.

I hope i can get somewhere. I hope i can defeat myself. Give myself something worthwhile to do.

I feel confused. Not happy with the life i have here. Not sure of what i want. Standing still.

My apologies for this terrible confused post. Tomorrow i will feel better, hopefully.

Published on February 15, 2021 at 6:00 by

Clean clothes

I don’t buy that much to be honest. My basic clothes, like leggings, t-shirts and tank tops i buy at the Hema. Price is the main factor in this decision. The other brands on this page are a bit more expensive. I try to be aware of what fabrics are used and where the clothes are made.

I have bought clothes at the shop from Joline Jolink from around 8 or 9 years ago. In the beginning she had a shop in Amsterdam, around seven years ago she moved to Rotterdam. Most clothes are made from rest parties of fabric. A year ago she made vegan trainers. I especially love her dresses.
Sofar i have never bought anything from Toast. I do click on the ads i see on Facebook and sofar i have loved most thing i see. On my list of things to buy for sure.
I once walked into the store of Jux on the Meent in Rotterdam. I liked some things i saw in there, but i did find it a bit expensive. Still, once i have a bit more money, i will be tempted.
Published on January 25, 2021 at 6:00 by

Favorite photos sofar

Published on January 18, 2021 at 6:00 by


40. Hsieh / Deliverance


Here the movement goes out of the sphere of danger. The obstacle has been removed, the difficulties are being resolved. Deliverance is not yet achieved; it is just in its beginning, and the hexagram represents its various stages.


DELIVERANCE. The southwest furthers.
If there is no longer anything where one has to go,
Return brings good fortune.
If there is still something where one has to go,
Hastening brings good fortune.

This refers to a time in which tensions and complications begin to be eased. At such times we ought to make our way back to ordinary conditions as soon as possible; this is the meaning of “the southwest.” These periods of sudden change have great importance. Just as rain relieves atmospheric tension, making all the buds burst open, so a time of deliverance from burdensome pressure has a liberating and stimulating effect on life. One thing is important, however: in such times we must not overdo our triumph. The point is not to push on farther than is necessary. Returning to the regular order of life as soon as deliverance is achieved brings good fortune. If there are any residual matters that ought to be attended to, it should be done as quickly as possible, so that a clean sweep is made and no retardations occur.


Thunder and rain set in:
The image of DELIVERANCE.
Thus the superior man pardons mistakes
And forgives misdeeds.

A thunderstorm has the effect of clearing the air; the superior man produces a similar effect when dealing with mistakes and sins of men that induce a condition of tension. Through clarity he brings deliverance. However, when failings come to light, he does not dwell on them; he simply passes over mistakes, the unintentional transgressions, just as thunder dies away. He forgives misdeeds, the intentional transgressions, just as water washes everything clean.

° Nine in the second place means:
One kills three foxes in the field
And receives a yellow arrow.
Perseverance brings good fortune.

The image is taken from the hunt. The hunter catches three cunning foxes and receives a yellow arrow as a reward. The obstacles in public life are the designing foxes who try to influence the ruler through flattery. They must be removed before there can be any deliverance. But the struggle must not be carried on with the wrong weapons. The yellow color points to measure and mean in proceeding against the enemy; the arrow signifies the straight course. If one devotes himself wholeheartedly to the task of deliverance, he develops so much inner strength from his rectitude that it acts as a weapon against all that is false and low.

16. Yü / Enthusiasm


The strong line in the fourth place, that of the leading official, meets with response and obedience from all the other lines, which are all weak. The attribute of the upper trigram, Chên, is movement; the attributes of K’un, the lower, are obedience and devotion. This begins a movement that meets with devotion and therefore inspires enthusiasm, carrying all with it. Of great importance, furthermore, is the law of movement along the line of least resistance, which in this hexagram is enunciated as the law for natural events and for human life.


ENTHUSIASM. It furthers one to install helpers
And to set armies marching.

The time of ENTHUSIASM derives from the fact that there is at hand an eminent man who is in sympathy with the spirit of the people and acts in accord with it. Hence he finds universal and willing obedience. To arouse enthusiasm it is necessary for a man to adjust himself and his ordinances to the character of those whom he has to lead. The inviolability of natural laws rests on this principle of movement along the line of least resistance. Theses laws are not forces external to things but represent the harmony of movement immanent in them. That is why the celestial bodies do not deviate from their orbits and why all events in nature occur with fixed regularity. It is the same with human society: only such laws are rooted in popular sentiment can be enforced, while laws violating this sentiment merely arouse resentment.
Again, it is enthusiasm that enables us to install helpers for the completion of an undertaking without fear of secret opposition. It is enthusiasm too that can unify mass movements, as in war, so that they achieve victory.


Thunder comes resounding out of the earth:
The image of ENTHUSIASM.
Thus the ancient kings made music
In order to honor merit,
And offered it with splendor
To the Supreme Deity,
Inviting their ancestors to be present.

When, at the beginning of summer, thunder–electrical energy–comes rushing forth from the earth again, and the first thunderstorm refreshes nature, a prolonged state of tension is resolved. Joy and relief make themselves felt. So too, music has power to ease tension within the heart and to loosen the grip of obscure emotions. The enthusiasm of the heart expresses itself involuntarily in a burst of song, in dance and rhythmic movement of the body. From immemorial times the inspiring effect of the invisible sound that moves all hearts, and draws them together, has mystified mankind.
Rulers have made use of this natural taste for music; they elevated and regulated it. Music was looked upon as something serious and holy, designed to purify the feelings of men. It fell to music to glorify the virtues of heroes and thus to construct a bridge to the world of the unseen. In the temple men drew near to God with music and pantomimes (out of this later the theater developed). Religious feeling for the Creator of the world was united with the most sacred of human feelings, that of reverence for the ancestors. The ancestors were invited to these divine services as guests of the Ruler of Heaven and as representatives of humanity in the higher regions. This uniting of the human past with the Divinity in solemn moments of religious inspiration established the bond between God and man. The ruler who revered the Divinity in revering his ancestors became thereby the Son of Heaven, in whom the heavenly and the earthly world met in mystical contact.
These ideas are the final summation of Chinese culture. Confucius has said of the great sacrifice at which these rites were performed: “He who could wholly comprehend this sacrifice could rule the world as though it were spinning on his hand.”

Published on December 16, 2020 at 6:00 by

Walking in the cold

I left home around one, headed towards the garden. My plan was to get my bike on my way over there. After around five minutes i realized that i didn’t have the key for my bike with me. Ooh well, another day then. No rush.

I bought almonds on my way over, salted smoked almonds. I am doing my best with the keto diet. I have been hiding things from myself too much. The bread i like to eat, the cookies i like, the french fries i enjoy so much. I have started measuring my glucose again. In the morning it is so high. I really need to get a grip on this. Loose some weight, be a bit more firm with myself, get it under control. Do it!

So, yes, walking to the garden. I was the first, i went into the kitchen and set up water for tea and made coffee. It was raining, it was cold. Terrible really. We sat under the roof outside and talked about things to do. I realized i didn’t feel like working at all. So yeah, that is what i said. I walked back home. Pffff.

This song was stuck in my mind. Big City from Tol Hansse.

Halfway back home this song got stuck, Lovely Dy from Bill Withers. Yo be honest, i like this one better than Big City. I think i heard it last week, not sure where.

Published on December 10, 2020 at 6:00 by

Wait and act

Last Sunday in the garden someone told me about a book about waiting he had read. He said that waiting itself was very important. To be patient, to let things go. I agreed, for a part, with him. I said to him that it was important to know when to wait and when to act.

Over the past days this short talk was in my mind. I know waiting is so important. Being patient, learning, looking outside and inside. But i do know that acting is equally as important. Knowing when to act is still a mystery to me. I hope i can find the right time for it.

I am pretty sure it is soon.

Published on December 9, 2020 at 6:00 by

Moving once again

Today i moved again to another place to stay for a month. I am getting used to it. Each time it is a dive into another house, finding a small place for myself.

But i do know there will be an end to this moving. I felt really tired today after i had put my things in my room. I don’t know how my life will go on, but i am sure it will not go down. This all serves a purpose to me. This al makes me learn, makes me stronger.

That is what i keep telling myself anyways.

This evening, still tired. I might watching some television, or something else. And go to bed early.

Good night!

Published on November 12, 2020 at 6:00 by

A talk

I slept in this morning. Nice. Around one i went outside. I wanted to go for a walk. Along the river was my guess. But on the Hoogstraat (High Street) i came across a friend. We spend the rest of the afternoon sitting there and talking about all sorts of things. Very nice. On my way back home i got myself a roti. I got back home around five.

Tomorrow i will be moving once again. Getting used to it by now. I do hope the next place will be one for a couple of months. A bit of peace and quiet.

I am also thinking of making this website and its content a bit more open to new visitors. Something to work on for the next few weeks. Nothing too dramatic. All will be revealed soon!

Salute 🙂

Published on November 11, 2020 at 6:00 by