I am not where i want to be. One time it pushes away from me, another time it comes closer.
I need to come to terms with my current situation. I’m working, earning a bit of money. I enjoy my work, most of the time. It has value. I still need to straighten myself while i work this job. Do it right, do it good. Sometimes i fail, sometimes not. Different each day.
Today i did some cleaning in my room. I made body butter with shea butter, cacao butter and coconut oil. I brought a whole bag of old clothes to the clothing bin. I went into town, bought cheap toothpaste with fluoride, rose-hip oil and sweatpants for only eight euros.
I hope you enjoy your work. Salute!
Published on October 10, 2022 at 6:00 by Ellen
Categorised in: Rotterdam
Looking upwards through the bamboo
Small snail on a leaf
Looks like a small broccoli, but it isn't
Light through the leaves
Sportsok, the cuddliest cat i know 🙂
Last Saturday it was a lovely day, a bit cold in the morning, but towards the afternoon it got warmer. The sun was shining the whole day.
I arrived on the market around eleven. A good friend was there sitting talking with another good friend. Great! We started talking. He asked me about my storage for my things, my furniture, books and records. “I only have enough money for two to three months” i said. He did have another option, but it is all the way close to Germany. But i’ll keep it in mind.
Then another friend came. He said he was worried about two things. One is the Ukrainian – Russian war. The other one was me. He felt i was sitting in a race car going against all hope towards the end where i’m about to crash.
We talked about this for a while. I could only say i understood the worry some people expressed. But to me it is a open and clear cut case: my website is the most important thing to me. I will leave anything to keep it going. But i do understand that my money is running low to non-existant.
On my way back home while i was thinking about this problem i came to a conclusion: I am giving myself one more week. One more week to turn this ship around. One more week to make myself clear to the world. As that is what i believe i need to do.
Of course i hope i will make this work. But i need to be careful, i need to be precise. Today, Sunday 6 March 2022, i felt an mixture of emotions. A complete trust in myself versus a feeling of failing. I don’t know what it will be. I do hope my trust in myself will keep me going. For years.