Author Archives for Ellen


22 June 2024

I do not feel happy. I feel lost. Not sure which way to go. So i sit still. I do not move.

Today i went into town. I tried on two t-shirts in HM. They didn’t fit too well. Almost see through. I walked home.

I am close to tears, but not crying. I feel so sad.

So confused.

So lost.

23 June 2024

I cleaned up the house for a bit during the morning, before i took a shower. I moved my bed, hovered underneath it. I took the vacuum cleaner upstairs and did the kitchen, the front room, the hallway. I cleaned the toilet. I cleaned up one wall of tiles in the kitchen, the top of the refrigerator and the washing machine.

A shower.

I played a bit of World of Warcraft. Around twelve i walked to Donner in the centre. I sat at the large table with the newspapers and magazines. I started talking with Hans. Andre and Martin joined us. We talked about the old V&D, the Hema, all the gone and lost shops on the Lijnbaan. Andre mentioned he drinks lots of tea from Thee Maas. One he mentioned was a jasmin tea. You put three round jasmin drops in a cup and let it sit in hot water for four minutes. I should get some.

After they had left i heard some shouting drifting in. Someone was standing in front of the Zara across the street. A pro Palestinia demonstration. “There is one solution!” What did they mean by that? No Israel anymore? I can not imagine that.

On my way to the supermarket i walked past a pro Israelian demonstration near the city hall. All five of them.

This brought me close to tears.

I feel much better today. I do feel sad about the world.

All the people walking by, shopping themselves away.

And yes, i was looking for some new things myself. A white t-shirt. Didn’t find one. Also thinking that i don’t really need one. I have enough.

I have plenty.

Published on June 24, 2024 at 6:00 by

The week before

Last Friday i had a talk with a person at the Paulus Church. My post gets delivered there. The difficulty of my current situation finally hit me. I won’t talk about it too much here. It is a personal problem.

Since then i felt a sinking feeling inside of me. On the other hand, i did start to work seriously on my new video clip. I will finish it and post it next week. I am happy i am continuing to work on this important personal project.

After that i will take a few weeks off on updating this website. I am giving myself some time to think about my future and take some steps.

Bye bye for now. Take care!

Published on May 13, 2024 at 6:00 by