In a week’s time i will sell my house. I admit, i feel sad about it. I will remain here for the next two years, so that does soften the blow a bit. I will get some money, from which i can live for the next four or five years.
It is a mixed bag. For now, i feel happy. I will get some new computer stuff. I will keep on working. And two years does feel like a awful long time. I am hoping things will change in that time for me. I will work hard for that.
For now, i will keep on posting as long as i have internet at home. It could be i’m out of it the next few days. Next week it’ll be back on. I do feel tired. But be sure, i will not give up.
With love, Ellen
A sunny day. This evening we will be looking at the stars and the planets. Maybe the moon as well. I don’t know if it is visible here. We’ll see!
This morning i baked a parsnip cake for Daniël. Yesterday i made pumpkin soup for this evening. A bit spicy, with a large winter carrot, a parsnip, onions, garlic, ginger, three hot peppers. I hope it is nice. Spicy.
I discovered some old Wire gig footage on youtube this weekend. Here is one for you.
Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay.
It wasn’t a premonition to draw more this year. But this is what i am doing. The past two days in the garden i did make drawings. With pencil, charcoal, conte carré. It is not really about the drawing itself. Not about making something beautiful. It is about looking intensely around me. Basically, i can draw anything.
It does remind me of a time a long while ago, before i went to art school. I would like to get that back. That feeling of discovery. Of looking around. Intensely. Measuring with my eyes. All the distances which are elements of what i am looking at. Being quiet within myself.
I also walked about the garden. I saw these roots with tiny green leaves popping out. Supposedly chicory. Also some tiny apples still on the trees. Four or five centimeters wide. Wonderful.
This Monday morning the sun was shining. It was cold. I got dressed, put on my shoes and coat, a warm scarf and went outside.
First i walked to the garden. Yesterday i took two empty bottles with me to fill with water. Today i brought them back and put them in the shed. I watched the birds. A great tit. Yes, a koolmeesje. The pallet was back! Yesterday i couldn’t find it.
I walked past the central station. Standing at the Christmas tree for a short time, talking to the men who were getting the lights out. Wondering where the tree was headed to. Walking through the Gouvernestraat. Looking in the shop Das Brot. Still closed. Walking through the Marqt. Two months ago it closed and moved to the Nieuwe Binnenweg. Where the old Centrum Beeldende Kunst was. Nothing remains. I talked with the man behind the cheese counter for a short while.
Walking past the shops, the Westerpaviljoen, Museum Boymans. Into the Zeeman. Just curious. Buying myself a sandwich chicken curry. Sitting on the Lijnbaan and eating it slowly. Watching the faces of the people walking by. The people eating something. The children. Walking to Amac. Hmm. I don’t want to buy my new things there. No no no. I’d rather go the an Apple store.
Walking over the Meent. It is still cold. The sun is hiding behind the clouds.
Walking back home.