This weekend the following youtube video was published: ‘Ideologie houdt ons gelukkig. Een gesprek met Marian Donner (Ideology keeps us happy. A talk with Marian Donner). Her new book De Grote Weigering (The Big Refusal) was the main focus of this talk. This book is for a large part based on the book One-Dimensional Man published by Herbert Marcuse in 1964. In this book he argues the following:

He argues that “advanced industrial society” created false needs, which integrated individuals into the existing system of production and consumption via mass media, advertising, industrial management, and contemporary modes of thought.

This results in a “one-dimensional” universe of thought and behavior, in which aptitude and ability for critical thought and oppositional behavior wither away. Against this prevailing climate, Marcuse promotes the “great refusal” (described at length in the book) as the only adequate opposition to all-encompassing methods of control. Much of the book is a defense of “negative thinking” as a disrupting force against the prevailing positivism.

It is very hard to realize this one-dimensionality. Most people see themselves are ordinary, ‘normal’, simply living their lives as they see fit. Picking their shopping each week, picking their apps and living with them, getting children or not, picking a partner, or a partner for a couple of years. Most people see themselves as an individual, with its own specific wishes and desires and wants and needs.

But of course most people are shaped through the same industrial society with its mass media, advertising, industrial management and contemporary modes of thought. Most people are extremely alike.

Published on May 17, 2022 at 6:00 by

Me and the world

It is difficult to keep my head straight. Get a job! Make some money! The past few weeks i’ve been caving in. Almost.

I’m sitting in the cellar. Right now i do the washing of my clothes in a bucket. I never thought things would become like this. I have some friends. One of them lets me stay in his house for free. A good friend.

I gotta keep my head straight. I gotta stay on track. I can not let go. Even though i sometimes wish i could. Get back to the safety of having money, having a house, having things to do i enjoy, giving dinners sometimes. Do not worry. Things are ok.

Things are not ok. I do worry.

It is so easy to forget the troubles of the world in this northwest corner of Europe. The changes in market values by sector state that coal, oil, fertilizers and weapons have shot up in value since the Ukrainian – Russian war began. 1 Is this world all about money? Is it?

Having money equals having power. Having money makes it able for someone to do things. To set up shop. To make things and sell them. Anything you want. Having money makes it possible for you to buy things. Clothes. All the food you desire. Computers. Smartphones. Kitchens. A new house. Anything you want.

I try to stay clear of buying anything i want. I do buy food. I could use some new underwear, but money is tight. I sometimes visit websites where they sell clothes and dream away. I will buy a new dress once i get a bit more cash. Yeah ๐Ÿ™‚

I don’t feel alone. Weird of me to say. Because i am alone. We all are alone. We get lonelier by the minute. I feel i need to let go of something. Something that is close to me. My own individuation? My own feeling of myself? My own me?

I wonder what part i will play in the worlds play. Of course i do not know if i ever will. I am watching this world drama unfold, with all different people playing their part in it. I am curious about it. How it would feel, to be part of that story.

1. Source: Who’s Cashing in on the War in Ukraine? Fossil Fuel Firms and Agricultural Traders

Published on May 13, 2022 at 6:00 by

An Oath of Dogs

We all want to be unique. We cleave to the tiny things that define us as individuals. We rejoice in everything that marks us as beings different from all others, delighting in our free will. I believe that is what allows us to bring wrongdoing into the world.
from Meditations on the Meaning of Evil,
by MW Willams

Source: page 123, An Oath of Dogs, written by Wendy N Wagner

Published on May 12, 2022 at 6:00 by

Waiting (Nourishment)

5. Hsรผ / Waiting (Nourishment)


All beings have need of nourishment from above. But the gift of food comes in its own time, and for this one must wait. This hexagram shows the clouds in the heavens, giving rain to refresh all that grows and to provide mankind with food and drink. The rain will come in its own time. We cannot make it come; we have to wait for it. The idea of waiting is further suggested by the attributes of the two trigrams–strength within, danger in from. Strength in the face of danger does not plunge ahead but bides its time, whereas weakness in the face of danger grows agitated and has not the patience to wait.


WAITING. If you are sincere,
You have light and success.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
It furthers one to cross the great water.

Waiting is not mere empty hoping. It has the inner certainty of reaching the goal. Such certainty alone gives that light which leads to success. This leads to the perseverance that brings good fortune and bestows power to cross the great water. One is faced with a danger that has to be overcome. Weakness and impatience can do nothing. Only a strong man can stand up to his fate, for his inner security enables him to endure to the end. This strength shows itself in uncompromising truthfulness [with himself]. It is only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any sort of self-deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events, by which the path to success may be recognized. This recognition must be followed by resolute and persevering action. For only the man who goes to meet his fate resolutely is equipped to deal with it adequately. Then he will be able to cross the great water–that is to say, he will be capable of making the necessary decision and of surmounting the danger.


Clouds rise up to heaven:
The image of WAITING.
Thus the superior man eats and drinks,
Is joyous and of good cheer.

When clouds rise in the sky, it is a sign that it will rain. There is nothing to do but to wait until after the rain falls. It is the same in life when destiny is at work. We should not worry and seek to shape the future by interfering in things before the time is ripe. We should quietly fortify the body with food and drink and the mind with gladness and good cheer. Fate comes when it will, and thus we are ready.

Published on May 11, 2022 at 6:00 by

The garden at the back

Looking upwards through the bamboo
Small snail on a leaf
Kerria flower
The sky
Looks like a small broccoli, but it isn't
The sun
Light through the leaves
Sportsok, the cuddliest cat i know ๐Ÿ™‚
Published on May 9, 2022 at 6:00 by

The End of Time

In previous scrapped versions of this post i have written about being covered by a soothing mind-numbing blanket, about left and right politics, about the child benefits scandal, about a conversation with voices from different angles.

I went back to the first question i wrote for this post: ‘why do i make life so difficult for myself?’

I had cut this question. No. There are more important things to talk about.

But for me this is an important question. There was no need. I could have kept working. I could have stayed in my house. I could have rented out a room. My life could have been so much easier. Carefree.

But no, i have burned all the bridges behind me. No way back. No way forward. Yet.

I think back about the beginning of this process. I was going slightly mad at the job i had at the time. I left soon after. After eight years of silence i started working again on in October 2014. The About present marked the end for That was it.

January 27, 2015.

On February 9, 2015 at 0:00 i published my first post on The About page came online at the same time.

I hope you will enjoy visiting my thoughts, my mind, my face, my work, my story, my garden work, my friends, my walks. My clips, my songs, my presents, my food, my beauty.

You may feel lost at times. Not understand why i made something. That is ok. I donโ€™t understand everything i made either.

Source About – Published 12 June 2017

This website is my work. I don’t get paid for it. I don’t get the attention i want. Beforehand i thought it would be easier to earn a bit of money with making these posts, each day a new one. It is not easy at all. But it is my work, undeniably.

So here i am at the end of time, sitting in front of my computer, typing away. One part of me is thinking back about the first page i ever published online on 1 July 1997.

I am not sure how these pages will develop, i don’t know how frequent the updates will be. It might be less than i anticipate at this moment. Maybe, when you read this somewhere in the future, you will know more than i do now. Maybe than, where there is nothing now, there will be something for you to discover.

Source jump to the left – jump to the right – one step forward – one step back – twist and repeat – Published 1 July 1997

This is the story of my life. This is the story of me. These choices i have made all by myself. I was happy to work in the garden for five years. I was happy to get to know people who felt sidestepped in this crazy world and with whom i could sit in a communal garden and sing songs and eat food we all brought. We made a story of growing food in the midst of Rotterdam for everyone to see who walked by over the sidewalk at the end of the garden.

But time moves on relentlessly. I am trying to build a life worth living in this world with all its hidden nooks and crannies. It is difficult and hard. Often i have feelings of failing and of sinking back into this mire. But this is me. This is my own handpicked life. I stand by it.

I will start looking for work. I don’t know what sort of work will come my way. But i will take it. I hope. ๐Ÿ™‚ I will continue working on I don’t know what i am going to make or write or draw or photograph. As ever.

After these weeks of difficult posts, i’m giving myself a well deserved break. I will see you once again Monday 9 May 2022.

PS. Ooh, i made a new patreon page at You are welcome to visit.

Published on April 29, 2022 at 6:00 by

The Second Coming

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

The Second Coming written by William Butler Yeats in 1919

Published on April 28, 2022 at 6:00 by