I haven’t been reading much over the past weeks. Months even. The library closed for a couple of weeks. Just before i had returned the books i had. A week and a half ago i went to the library to see if i could find anything.
Today i started reading it again. I was only in for a couple of pages anyway. It is from the historical philosophical section from the library. I don’t know anything specific about the quality of this book and this writer, H.W. von der Dunk, but i do enjoy reading this, albeit slowly.
From what i gather from the title and the introduction this book is about the influence of exact sciences and technology on our current society. The large groups of specialists make it difficult to understand each other.
I do find myself reading so much slower than i used to do a couple of years ago. While i let a sentence show its meaning to me, i can read it for a couple of times at least. And i know i will forget it in a few hours.
I do miss the rush into a story sometimes. But that is what fiction is for. This book is non-fiction, and it does take more time. I do hope i can finish it one day.
I do find myself thinking about history. Our view of the past as human beings. The past that has brought us where we are right now. The past of which we only know so little. Only through texts, lists, drawings, paintings, buildings, institutes, legal documents and any other leftover from the past can we make a guess to what living in a time before ours was like. It is very difficult for us to see what makes us who we are, what makes us different from the ones from the past, what makes us the same.
I remember reading the book by Walter J. Ong called Orality and Literacy: The Technologizing of the Word (1982), way back in the 90s. I ended up buying this book, since i loved it so much. The development of human life in a world growing from a completely oral society to our current high technological use of secondary language is astonishing. This is so difficult to get a clear grip on.
Stuff to think about. Salute!
Today i went to the storage company where i rent 15 cubik meters to put away some more things: my pillow, some clothes i do not wear, my drawings things, my English Dutch dictionary, a book from Kate Raworth. Still room for those things. I went on my bike, but i did step of for a short time. I got a bit tired.
I found myself in this landscape with cars and a highway and stop signs. Lots of cars. Not my world really. Still, cars have their uses.
I was thinking about this post, the follow up to Stubborn and Patience. This word came up in my mind: Determination. Something which i feel even more than being stubborn and being patient. The wolf i drew a couple of weeks ago shows that to me. I can feel this growl inside of me. Grrrr. I don’t think people around me are very aware of this. I am on the whole quite nice, friendly, open. Not wolf like at all. But yes, i feel this inside me. Not giving up, not letting go, having my teeth in a piece and growling.
I do hope things will turn out good for me. I do hope i will not sleep on the streets, out in the open. I do hope i will find friends. And i do hope i will find someone to love and share my life with. But until then i want to live my life as i see fit. And actually, after that too!
My post yesterday came from the bottom of my heart. This one is from even deeper: patience.
I try to live in the moment as much as possible. This year to me seems like the longest year ever in my life. Which to me is a good thing. Mainly because i do move a lot. I have been living shorter in the rooms i have been renting. I started out in the beginning with living four months, then three months, then a month each time in a room. The one before this one was only a week. This does make it feel longer.
Patience. So important. I don’t always have it, i confess. And yes, at times i am inpatient. But on the whole i do keep up, i do trust myself to do the right thing at the right time. Hopefully!
I am stubborn. This is not something that comes out easily. I am not even sure friends realize i am this stubborn. They might, considering how i am living right now. Hopping from place to place. Staying cheerful usually. Not always of course.
I do want to lead my own life, face the consequences of my own actions. In this world. This stupid world.
I do not know what the future will bring to me. I have only my dreams, wishes, desires. And i have my life as it is right now. Hopping from room to room, talking with people about so many things: sex, the world, corona, gardening. I don’t know where this is headed to. I do wish though. Meeting people who i can genuinely call my friends. Living in a house with a garden and a large kitchen, in which i can cook meals for the people around me. Leading a life which is worth living. Talking to so many people all around the world about the current state, about how we want the world to be, want it to become. Living a life true to myself. Fighting.
Not this nasty little world with its nasty little rules and its nasty little people keeping me down and keeping me locked up inside. No!
Feeling a bit grumpy today. I did go to the garden this afternoon. It was quite busy. It did fall to me to try to spread everybody out and divide the jobs in a good way. I must say, a day like this made me feel happy i do not do this work the whole time. Very tiresome. Once in a while is good though.
I will move to a new room next week. I decided that today. Happy with that. Loosing the grumpiness a bit now.