Last Sunday when i came home i was so tired. I did make a new post, but it was only the photos. Actually, the next day, when i checked, i saw my post wasn’t published yet. It was scheduled to be published the next day. I was that tired.
I had talked so much. About my father. About the memory dream i had when i was around twenty. The dream which i knew had happened, since i had the photo of that event. About Scritti Politti, the best band in the world. About this website and my fave content on it, the video clips. And some songs too! And the cakes i will bake this week for Anne’s birthday. And how i sat in the wheelbarrow, with beer in my hands, my feet towards the fire, looking around and enjoying myself. Yay!
So yeah, it was a good evening. An excellent evening!
It took me a while to get back to my normal self. More than a day. Getting there now. I still hope for a good night sleep. One in which i cuddle up against someone. We chat a bit. Smile. Kiss. And then fall asleep.
One day. You never know. Still my biggest dream. Something i talked about as well. How i am holding this off, but also dream about it. Falling in love. Trying to get it to work. And it doesn’t. Not yet anyway.
Since 24 August 2005 i use last.fm to build up a list of most of the music i listen to. In spotify you can add the songs you listen to. My username in last.fm is ellenlfs. Nowadays i mainly use ellenpronk, but i do still like ellenlfs.
My overview page in last.fm is https://www.last.fm/user/ellenlfs. I did have many periods in which i didn’t listen that much to music. 2015 is my busiest year. In total i have 44.064 scrobbles from 1.854 artists until now.
This comes close to my overall taste, but there are differences. My favourite album of all time is Cupid & Psyche ’85 from Scritti Politti, but i’m not listening to this album as much as i used to. The previous forty years of my music listening is not in this account. Still, twelve years is a long time. I do enjoy seeing my listening habits displayed like this.
Number of tracks scrobbled each year.
|Year||Number of scrobbles|
My top artists
1 – Scritti Politti – 2,013
2 – Talking Heads – 1,004
3 – Steely Dan – 905
4 – Pet Shop Boys – 860
5 – Sufjan Stevens – 822
6 – Wire – 816
7 – David Bowie – 682
8 – Michael Jackson – 570
9 – Beastie Boys – 544
10 – The Beatles – 523
My top albums
1 – Steely Dan — Can’t Buy A Thrill – 440
2 – Ed Lincoln – Ed Lincoln – 391
3 – Janelle Monáe — The ArchAndroid – 378
4 – Wire — Pink Flag – 297
5 – Tracey Thorn — A Distant Shore – 274
6 – Scritti Politti — White Bread Black Beer – 254
7 – Scritti Politti — Songs To Remember – 235
8 – Michael Jackson — Thriller – 227
9 – David Bowie — The Singles Collection – 220
10 – Nick Drake — Five Leaves Left – 217
My top tracks
1 – Britney Spears — Sometimes – 136
2 – Scritti Politti — Road to No Regret – 132
3 – Tracey Thorn — Too Happy – 123
4 – Scritti Politti — Absolute – 120
5 – Janelle Monáe — Tightrope (feat. Big Boi) – 115
6 – Alessi Brothers — Oh Lori – 114
7 – Steely Dan — Deacon Blues – 113
8 – Wire — Mannequin – 112
9 – Ed Lincoln — (O Nome Dele É) Waldemar – 111
10 – 10cc — I’m Not in Love – 110
The latest songs i have been listening too (Monday 25 September 22:04)
CeeLo Green — Fuck You — 6 hours ago
Johnny Cash — Ring of Fire — 6 hours ago
The Pop Group — Snowgirl — 6 hours ago
The Beatles — She Loves You – Mono / Remastered 2009 — 6 hours ago
Kurtis Blow — The Breaks — 6 hours ago
Ed Lincoln — Balansamba Nº1 — 6 hours ago
Janet Jackson — Let’s Wait Awhile — 7 hours ago
Jacques Brel — Ne me quitte pas — 7 hours ago
Carly Rae Jepsen — Call Me Maybe — 7 hours ago
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Walk Through the Fire — 7 hours ago
On the whole i feel calm. At times i do get worried. Especially when i talk to other people. My mum, friends. Sometimes, when i walk on the street and i get spoken to, i say i don’t have any money. most people don’t really react to that. It is too far away from them. I understand that. Your own worries are always so much bigger than those from somebody else.
I don’t mind listening to people. Quite enjoy it, really. Learn from it. Some terrible things you hear though. Selfish selfish people doing abominable things to other people. Take away their money. Their stuff. Simply because someone didn’t really pay attention and gave it all to his girlfriend. Not married of course. No legal document. So it is all gone. When the girlfriend has died.
What the man said when we talked. Health. A clear mind. Waking up and going outside. Your head raised. Hmm, that last part is from me. Still. He is right.
But also sweet things. A man talked about his children. Three of them. And his seven grandchildren. All doing well. Made him feel happy. Good.
So yeah, the photo above is all my money. I thought i had a bit more on my bank account. But earlier this week i had a return of money, which made it possible for my energy bill to be paid. Four euros left. And i do need to buy ProZinc for the diabetes of my cat. Fifty five euros. Hmmm. It’ll last for around four months i think. Well. Thinking. Thinking.
This is difficult. Also, in November i need to pay Mediatemple for the the gridserver my website is hosted on. As it looks right now, i won’t be able to. And then of course my mortgage.
Calm. Serene. Don’t let it worry you. You have a life. You have your work in the gardens. You have friends. It won’t go all to pieces. And yes, if it does go to pieces, it is for a reason. To learn. To live through. You know that.
Well, if someone reads this and wants to help me, i won’t mind. Of course not.
You can send money to this bank number:
IBAN NL33 TRIO 0338 6788 24
I will make a Friendship page on this website and send postcards or a drawing or something else which comes up in my mind to you if you send me me some money. Above ten dollars / ten euros i add. Below ten dollars / ten euros you will just be named on the friendship page as a sponsor. You can of course also use my Patreon page. That page is really quiet. I haven’t fully described what i will do for the people supporting me. I know, i should work on that soon!
So, calmness. A clear mind. Awareness of what could happen. But also faith in myself. In my own abilities. In my own strength.
Have a good weekend. Salute!
Today there was a get together of people professionally interested in all the green developments in Rotterdam. Last Sunday Sander did a trial run of weed parcels. I said then i would come today, Wednesday 20 September. As it turned out, the meeting was replaced to the Peace Garden. There was still work done on the concrete pavement on the Tuin op de Hofbogen, so it wasn’t possible there.
I mainly focused on the food. I did see some people i knew from time gone by a long time ago. Good.
And now, i’m tired. Really tired. It was a bit of a rush. A photo. That is it.
Last night, between Sunday and Monday, i hardly slept. I was in bed, tossing and turning. Around four i turned on the light and read a little. For fifteen minutes or so. To try to sleep after that. I did fall asleep eventually. To wake up really late. Of course. I got out of bed around ten in the morning. Still feeling tired.
I made my oatmeal porridge. Yum! Like i do each day, for the past couple of months. I turned on my computer and checked my e-mail. Played a little warcraft. Some questing, in Nagrand, with my level 65 death knight. For around half an hour or so. Then i took a shower. Washed my hair. Felt good. I don’t shower that much. Once a week usually. A bit later now. My hair was getting a bit greasy. And i started to feel my skin. Not especially dirty, but i could feel it sliding differently. So yes, clean and smelling fresh once again!
Listening to music after that. Singing along with some tracks. Daydreaming away. So clear. So much… here. And still, i’m still feeling that i shouldn’t go and look for work. I still feel i am doing the right thing. Working in the garden. Staring to play chess in the library. Talking with people. It is good. Good! Not really knowing how this will work out, but i know, deep down, i know for sure it will turn out right. I do trust myself. Completely.
Around two i did a quick blow dry of my bangs. I usually do this once i washed my hair. It’ll stay good for around thirty minutes. But i do like to do it. Then i went out. First i brought a package with my tv reception machine for KPN to the post counter in the supermarket. Since i have canceled my television subscription, i got this brown carton box from KPN to send it back. I do still watch television, but on my iPad or computer.
Then i went to the library. I did watch the end of a chess game before going to look for new books. Some people i know were sitting around the chess board.
Then i turned in the book i finished last night. I went up to the third floor, to the English section. Walked past the cupboards, looked for books by Philip K. Dick, but didn’t see any. Then i thought of the books written by Robert Jordan, the Wheel of Time series. I do have twelve books of that series myself. There were a couple more, and yay! i found them. Number thirteen Towers of Midnight and fourteen A Memory of Light. These books are not my favourite books, but still, i enjoyed the first ones. The ones in the middle are a bit boring. And it is really really long. Fourteen books. Pffff. Still, i am looking forward to reading the end part. Finally.
I went back to the chess game and watched another game. Not terribly exciting, i admit. Everyone plays differently. Defending. Attacking. Going for the small pawns, medium pieces. Or go straight to the king. Put pressure. Fight. Or not. Withdraw. Make a better set up for another attack. So many different variations. I like it. But i still have to learn so many things. Analyzing. Thinking more steps forward. It is good i found the courage to play chess with other people. Happy. So happy with that.
A quick run through the supermarket. Then home. And yes, i’m still a bit tired. It’s five o’clock. I lie on the couch for a bit. Read a little. But my eyes close after a while. I almost doze off. Almost.
Around six i get up and start making a salad for dinner. Kale, green beans, spring onions, feta, bacon. Nice.
The rest of the evening i watch television. De wereld draait door. Koken met van boven.
And now i’m sitting here, behind my computer. Typing this piece. A report of this day. Not a very special day. But also, a very special day. With special moments. So many special moments i don’t even talk about here. The smile i feel when i walk outside. Looking at other people. The joy when somebody looks back and smiles back. Small things. But still, important. In this small area in Rotterdam i live in.
I’m gonna add the photos to this post. And then it is time to go to bed. It is still early, but i don’t mind. I like to read in bed, watch some youtube clips. Anything.
Hopefully i sleep a bit more this night. I do feel tired. But that is no promise.
To you, when you read this tomorrow morning, i hope you will enjoy your day. Filled with work, family, friends, shopping, little talks, maybe big talks too!
Last Friday we harvested pumpkins. I promised to make a pumpkin cake for Sunday. I searched for a good vegan recipe. I picked this one for a vegan pumpkin cake (in Dutch). With some small changes. First of all i divided the ingredients by two. Which was still enough for me and the gardening group of people.
First i cleaned the pumpkin, cut it in four, removed the seeds and the skin. Boiled it for around 15 minutes. Then i used the hand blender to puree it.
Cutting the dates and figs. Milling the line seeds. Then put all the dried stuff, the flour and sugar and spices and salt together with the dried fruit. Added the pumpkin puree, then the oil and soy milk. This gave a good batter which i put in the cake tin. Forty five minutes in the oven at 180 ªCelsius and done!
This gave a lovely spicy sweet pumpkin cake. A bit wet, but i admit, i like this. I did treat myself to a slice Saturday evening, another slice Sunday morning. Hmmm.
If you are gonna make this cake, enjoy!