A good day

I got out of bed at 9:30. I had opened the door beforehand, and Mieke was lying and meowing and giving heads and stretching her paw at me several times, before she jumped of the bed. When i got out i did my usual things. Turning on the gas stove. I gave Muis some catty food, gave him an diabetes injection, took my own diabetes pills.

And then i sat on my meditation pillow for a short bit. Around five minutes i guess. Simply sitting, breathing. Listening to the sound of the stove, looking outside at the bare trees, the flat across the water. Sometimes having my eyes closed.

I got up and started to prepare my breakfast. Two eggs and hüttekase make a good omelet. Half an avocado, with some salt and pepper and some balsamic. Good.

I always leave a bit of omelet to give to Muis. He sits at my feet, usually quiet, like today. I slice his bits into little pieces. And give it to him. In ten seconds it’s all gone.

Time for some work. Well, ok, first i check out facebook, twitter, my email, all spam. And then some work.

OK i cheated a bit. Played an hour of Warcraft. After i worked for an hour. Now i got to dress up. I’m still wearing my onesie. Then i go to the garden to empty my compost bucket. After that i go to the market for some more vegetables and eggs. And then some more work! Yay!

It is cold! Brrrr. Happy i had my pink shawl on. A quick jump into the market. Gonna make another soup this afternoon. I already had some veggies at home, but i bought some broccoli and beetroots to go with it. And i treated myself to some doner. Only meat this time.

In the Albert Heijn i pinched some carrot cake frosting bit which was lying in the shop. I got some bread and cat food. That is it for now.

Gonna work a bit more, then i will watch Escape to the Country. And after that i will make my soup. Yum!

It is a quarter to eight right now. I’m gonna watch a movie. Star Wars. The first one! Will most likely watch the other ones the next days. Yesterday i watched Terminator. Been ages since i last saw it. Very 80s special effects. To be honest, the second Terminator movie, the one from 1991, i have seen more times. Enjoyed it. But this is also for the sci fi blockbuster post i’m gonna write, most likely next week.

Star Wars seen. Strange to look back and recall the memory of me seeing it in 1977 together with my nephew. We had a Big Mac in the MacDonalds beforehand. It had just opened on the Coolsingel. We had a seat in the cinema way up above.

Anyway, a day a lot more quiet than yesterday. Tomorrow i’ll be going to my mother, not sure what i’ll be posting then. For now, i’m getting ready to go to bed. Hopefully i’ll sleep all night through. Hopefully.


Published on March 1, 2017 at 6:00 by

Full of ideas

My head is full of ideas.

  • a video clip, dancing, taking shot from head height, waist height, close by, a bit further of, music maybe En Vogue?
  • a story about science fiction blockbusters, with screen shots from Star Wars, Hunger Games, Inception, Matrix, Terminator and more movies – about stories, about what we show to our people, what we show them to divert them, about our own world which is that much worse than anything we can think of, but also more beautiful and complicated

Today i watched the first video clips i made.

I see their amateuristic look and feel. I see the camera’s involuntary movement. I can see they are my first clips, very clearly.

But i also see the joy. I also see myself walking around in the city, on the beach and in the park and loving it and looking around and filming it. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

I think about yesterday. My birthday. The cake. I think about today. And my head is full. I dance. It springs up in my mind.

And i know i need to quiet down a bit. But still. I love this time. All by myself. I love love love it.

I watched a bit of the Oscars. All those famous people sitting there and clapping and laughing and singing. All the beautiful people. All the talented people. So far away.

I can not believe this is happening to me right now. I can not believe i feel all these things.


Completely, totally crazy!

Published on February 28, 2017 at 6:00 by

My birthday’s vegan carrot cake

My birthday. I didn’t really celebrate it that much. But i did bake a cake! Since it is a Sunday, i was going to the garden anyway. I had invited a friend a couple of weeks ago. When she said she could come last Friday or this Sunday, i said that coming on my birthday sounded like a really good idea. I gave her a grand tour of the garden and we talked about all sorts of things while we walked about.

I do think everybody enjoyed the cake. The frosting was a bit sweet, the way i like it. A bit too sweet for some, but it did seem to go down pretty good.

For tonight i still have some Riesling and a bit of chocolate for with the tea. I treated myself. Yay! Tomorrow back to the low carb food.

All the ingredients
The spring form is greased up with some coconut oil
The dry ingredients in a big bowl. In the small bowl grated carrot...
...and then two mashed bananas
The sunflower oil and a bit of haselnut milk make the batter for the cake.
The finished cake. A sweet frosting with a almondy taste. The cake itself is a bit dense, but the taste is lovely. The raisins, bananas, carrots and walnuts are great.


  • 250 gr all purpose flour
  • 1/2 tsp baking soda
  • 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
  • pinch of salt
  • 2 mashed bananas
  • 125 gr granulated sugar
  • 125 ml sunflower oil
  • 1 tbsp flaxseeds mixed with 3 tbsp of water and set to gel
  • 250 gr grated raw carrot
  • some chopped walnuts


  1. Preheat the oven to 350°F / 180°C
  2. Sift the dry ingredients
  3. Add the wet ingredients to a large bowl and mix. Add the dry ingredients and then fold in the carrots and optional nuts
  4. Turn into a medium sized well greased loaf pan
  5. Bake for 45 minutes or until done (can be up to an hour). Cool on a rack

I forgot the frosting! That took me some searches to find a good vegan frosting recipe. I have to admit, i did miss the butter and the cream cheese. Really. I don’t think i will make this type of frosting again. Still, the nutty flavour is really nice.


  • white almond paste
  • 1 avocado
  • powder sugar
  • a bit of agave syrop
  • a bit of haselnut milk
  • some creamed up coconut oil


  1. mix everything together!
Published on February 27, 2017 at 6:00 by

Getting there

Getting there… a bit anyway.

The past weeks i’ve been thinking at times. Sometimes not thinking at all. I felt numb a few times. I told here it was hard.

The past two years and a half i have been working hard here on this website and on lfs.nl. I dived into my past. I have shown you my old drawings, photos i used to make of myself. I have made walks. I worked in the garden. I cooked. I sang songs. I made video clips. Not all successful, no, but i made everything with my heart.

I know i got to deal with myself first. My head full of dreams. It is hard to get away from them. Especially at night. These dreams are becoming more real. It is not that i can make my head empty and live my life completely without dreams, without wishes, without hopes. That is the main reason i’m tempted by meditation. Not completely without, but still at times the serenity of silence. The quietness of a silent mind. Very tempting. So yes, i will keep on going forward with meditation.

And me? My life? The money i need to live in my apartment, to buy food. I hope it will sort itself out. Eventually.

Have a good weekend. Smile at people. Cook. Take some rest.


Published on February 24, 2017 at 6:00 by


Difficult days. I feel a bit numb. Thoughts of doubt come up. Like, i’m old. Well, not the youngest anymore. It is hard to look back on everything i’ve done here on ellenpronk.com and on lfs.nl. I feel a bit empty.

But i do feel i need to keep on track. I do not want to give up. It is just hard right now. What do you expect, Ellen?

Published on February 23, 2017 at 6:00 by

The Army

I threw number 36 Ming I / Darkening of the light once more. This time though with three changing lines, all three in the bottom part of the hexagram.

Nine at the beginning means:
Darkening of the light during flight.
He lowers his wings.
The superior man does not eat for three days
On his wanderings.
But he has somewhere to go.
The host has occasion to gossip about him.

With grandiose resolve a man endeavors to soar above all obstacles, but thus encounters a hostile fate. He retreats and evades the issue. The time is difficult. Without rest, he must hurry along, with no permanent abiding place. If he does not want to make compromises within himself, but insists on remaining true to his principles, he suffers deprivation. Never the less he has a fixed goal to strive for even though the people with whom he lives do not understand him and speak ill of him.

° Six in the second place means:
Darkening of the light injures him in the left thigh.
He gives aid with the strength of a horse.
Good fortune.

Here the Lord of Light is in a subordinate place and is wounded by the Lord of Darkness. But the injury is not fatal; it is only a hindrance. Rescue is still possible. The wounded man gives no thought to himself; he thinks only of saving the others who are also in danger. Therefore he tries with all his strength to save all that can be saved. There is good fortune in thus acting according to duty.

Nine in the third place means:
Darkening of the light during the hunt in the south.
Their great leader is captured.
One must not expect perseverance too soon.

It seems as if chance were at work. While the strong, loyal man is striving eagerly and in good faith to create order, he meets the ringleader of the disorder, as if by accident, and seizes him. Thus victory is achieved. But in abolishing abuses one must not be too hasty. This would turn out badly because the abuses have been in existence so long.

I’m not sure. I do see similarities with my current situation. At the moment i am trying to find a bit more peace and quiet, mainly in myself. It is hard. Like, just yet, i listened to classical music. My favorite Rudolf Escher. I had almost forgotten that i still had to write this post for tomorrow. My mind still moves on like a steamroller. Very hard to keep it still. It seems really important.

The coins ended up with sign number 7. Shih / The Army.

7. Shih / The Army


This hexagram is made up of the trigrams K’an, water, and K’un, earth, and thus it symbolizes the ground water stored up in the earth. In the same way military strength is stored up in the mass of the people–invisible in times of peace but always ready for use as a source of power. The attributes of the two trig rams are danger inside and obedience must prevail outside.
Of the individual lines, the one that controls the hexagram is the strong nine in the second place, to which the other lines, all yielding, are subordinate. This line indicates a commander, because it stands in the middle of one of the two trigrams. But since it is in the lower rather than the upper trigram, it represents not the ruler but the efficient general, who maintains obedience in the army by his authority.


THE ARMY. The army needs perseverance
And a strong man.
Good fortune without blame.

An army is a mass that needs organization in order to become a fighting force. Without strict discipline nothing can be accomplished, but this discipline must not be achieved by force. It requires a strong man who captures the hearts of the people and awakens their enthusiasm. In order that he may develop his abilities he needs the complete confidence of his ruler, who must entrust him with full responsibility as long as the war lasts. But war is always a dangerous thing and brings with it destruction and devastation. Therefore it should not be resorted to rashly but, like a poisonous drug, should be used as a last recourse.


In the middle of the earth is water:
The image of THE ARMY.
Thus the superior man increases his masses
By generosity toward the people.

Ground water is invisibly present within the earth. In the same way the military power of a people is invisibly present in the masses. When danger threatens, every peasant becomes present in the masses. When danger threatens, every peasant becomes a soldier; when the war ends, he goes back to his plow. He who is generous toward the people wins their love, and a people living under a mild rule becomes strong and powerful. Only a people economically strong can be important in military power. Such power must
therefore be cultivated by improving the economic condition of the people and by humane government. Only when there is this invisible bond between government and people, so that the people are sheltered by their government as ground water is sheltered by the earth, is it possible to wage a victorious war.


Published on February 22, 2017 at 6:00 by

Leek and potato soup

Last Saturday i bought the leeks for today’s soup. I did go out today as well and had some oatmeal and cottage cheese shopping. I also got some cream to put in the soup. Yeah. Good! 🙂

Very easy soup this one. At the end you could put a stick blender in it and make it a smooth soup. I simply left it chunky and lovely though.

I started with a diced onion, a celery stick cut into small pieces and around 4 cloves of garlic also cut into little pieces. I used some sunflower oil to bake them in. You can also use olive oil or any other oil which you might have in the house. I still have a few potatoes from the garden. I peeled them and cut them into small cubes, around one centimeter. The leeks i simply washed and cut into small rounds.

I added black pepper and salt. Boiled one and a half liters of water and added two broth cubes. I let the soup simmer for half an hour. Then i added a good bit of cream. Done!

Published on February 21, 2017 at 6:00 by


Sunday. The garden.

I started with cleaning up the sides of the garden, the round square in front of the garden and the surrounding grass fields. It was quite messy. Plastic wrappings, plastic bottles, capsules for laughing gas, cigarette buts, plastic straws, cigarette wrappings, small plastic bags for candy or pot, stuff from MacDonalds. I don’t know why people leave that all just lying around.

When the rest came, we drank tea and coffee. Ronald had brought cookies. Too sweet, of course. Still quite yummy. I took one. But when Daniël came with a chocolate letter, the S, i couldn’t resist.

I ended up working alone in the main garden. The rest went to the other side for a walk through and of course the chicken run. I weeded one side and half a part of the rows. The sun started to shine more during the afternoon. I sat for a while at the table and ate a bit of my apple and yogurt salad i had brought with me. After that i sat still, with my hands on the table, my glasses of. I listened to the sounds surrounding me. The cars driving by. The trains. A few birds. People talking. A tram passing by. The sun was shining in my face. Sometimes hiding a bit behind the clouds. But peeking through a lot. I felt so quiet.

I will meditate. This week. I have done this before, but the past ten years, no. I am looking for quietness in myself. Or simply listening to everything outside me.

Still… sshhhh…

Published on February 20, 2017 at 6:00 by


A quiet day today. I did go to the garden to empty my compost bucket. After that i went to the supermarket Jumbo and got some bread, peanut butter, sunflower oil. In the Italian shop i got olive oil. I’m making an onion soup right now. The onions, seven cloves of garlic and some celery are on the stove for an hour and a half. They are still not brown. But really soft.

Tonight there is a home owners meeting in my house. I have already told that i don’t have coffee or cookies in the house. Tea and water. That is it.

I have cleaned up my house more. The toilet. My couch. Put my freshly washed laundry away in the cupboard.

I am reading the party program of the Partij van de Dieren. I do agree with their economical chapter. With most chapters really. A very high chance i will vote for them in the upcoming Dutch election 15 March.

I still feel quiet. I’m thinking, or rather, let the dust settle down a bit.


Published on February 17, 2017 at 6:00 by

The little things

For breakfast i made myself some oatmeal porridge.

I played a little warcraft after that. Doing quests in Aszhara, exploring it at the same time. I love that area.

I ironed my clothes. I’m such a slob. These clothes were hanging in my backroom for like six months or so. Summer clothes. I also mended the pink shirt, a small section of the neck area was getting loose. Luckily i had some pink thread. I also went further with my handkerchief i started yesterday. Finished up the orange thread i was using. I will change color for the next bit. Red. Or light blue.

For lunch i made an omelet with onions and bacon and spinach and feta and two eggs. Half an avocado on the side.

I am still thinking about the e-mail i want to write. I collected the books i want to return. I’ve had them for around 35 years maybe? Way too long. One book is from Ayn Rand: The Fountainhead. I read it a couple of times. I did enjoy it. But it is time to give it back. The e-mail? Hmm… tomorrow. Yes tomorrow!

I did just vacuum cleaned the house. That was needed! It looks a bit better now, i’m happy to say. Still, i need to get my old loudspeakers to the cellar. They are broke. I also need to get some old paper to the paper container. The bag is overflowing. And i need to empty my compost bucket. Tomorrow.


I think i will do a washing of clothes today. So many things to do tomorrow.

Ooh! This morning when i put on my onesie and i found out the zipper was broke. But when i took it off and put on my normal clothes, i checked again, pushed and pulled a little and hey! i fixed it. Yay!

Published on February 16, 2017 at 6:00 by