Mad as hell

Yesterday morning i walked up to the train station. Halfway up there i noticed i was angry. Angry at the cars, angry at the people walking up without looking up or down, angry at the multitudes of people simply living their lives as they think they should, whereas i think it should be wildly different. And i am fucking right of course!

Yeah, i feel that way, sometimes. Most of the time i’m quiet, observing, listening rather than speaking. Not always though.

I was mad the whole journey yesterday. Angry at the urban planners making this country this pile up of cities and houses and industry areas and distribution centers and roads. So many roads. And traffic signs and stop signs.

I will stay calm. But inside me there is an angry knot of anger.

Just so you know!

Published on December 17, 2021 at 6:00 by


I am talking with a television presenter, about all kinds of subjects. I react to a Scritti Politti song being played live, in that television studio. Happy. Elated. Maybe singing along – not sure about that to be honest. I am going to the Oscars, in a beautiful eccentric dress, made especially for me. It is difficult. But i can keep it up. Because of my boyfriend, someone who i love so much.

A daydream.

It is difficult to let this go. Twenty four hours in a day. I read, watch youtube, watch netflix, watch television, play world of warcraft. Still time left to daydream.

A part of me thinks i am alright as i am right now. Yeah, i should think more, better, deeper. Still not doing that. Another part of me thinks i need to hurry up and get fierce and speak up clear and bright.

I hope it is the last bit i wrote. Hurry up! Get fierce! Speak up clear and bright!

And fame is not what matters to me. It would rather be a nuisance to me if it were to happen. But i still think it is a viable path for me to take.

Published on December 15, 2021 at 6:00 by

Keto vegetable soup


  • 2 pieces of celery
  • 1 big onion, or 3 small onions
  • 1 big carrot
  • half a celeriac
  • 4 gloves of garlic
  • 1 leek
  • quarter cauliflower
  • 200 gr green beans, cleaned and cut in two
  • 1 tin can of chopped tomatoes
  • 3 cubes of chicken stock
  • kale, i had one whole piece
  • 2 red bell peppers
  • Italian herbs
  • 500 gr minced meat
  • 1 egg
  • 2 tablespoons almond flour (non-keto bread crumbs)


  1. first put the two bell peppers in the oven at 200ºC for half ab hour at least, when ready take them out and let them cool down
  2. cut up the celery, onion, carrot, celeriac, leek, garlic (in slices), cauliflower and green beans and stove them in olive oil
  3. put the tomatoes with the vegetables, add three more tins with water, add the three chicken stock cubes
  4. let this stove for an hour or so
  5. skin and slice the bell peppers, the skin should come off easily, add to the soup
  6. cut the kale in small pieces, add to the soup
  7. add the egg and almond flour to the minced meat and mix, roll small balls and add to the soup
  8. clean and slice the herbs and add to the soup
  9. ready to serve!

Published on December 14, 2021 at 6:00 by

Standstill – Innocence

12. P’i / Standstill [Stagnation]


This hexagram is the opposite of the preceding one. Heaven is above, drawing farther and farther away, while the earth below sinks farther into the depths. The creative powers are not in relation. It is a time of standstill and decline. This hexagram is linked with the seventh month (August-September), when the year has passed its zenith and autumnal decay is setting in.


STANDSTILL. Evil people do not further
The perseverance of the superior man.
The great departs; the small approaches.

Heaven and earth are out of communion and all things are benumbed. What is above has no relation to what is below, and on earth confusion and disorder prevail. The dark power is within, the light power is without. Weakness is within, harshness without. Within are the inferior, and without are the superior. The way of inferior people is in ascent; the way of superior people is one the decline. But the superior people do not allow themselves to be turned from their principles. If the possibility of exerting influence is closed to them, they nevertheless remain faithful to their principles and withdraw into seclusion.


Heaven and earth do not unite:
The image of STANDSTILL.
Thus the superior man falls back upon his inner worth
In order to escape the difficulties.
He does not permit himself to be honored with revenue.

When, owing to the influence of inferior men, mutual mistrust prevails in public life, fruitful activity is rendered impossible, because the fundaments are wrong. Therefore the superior man knows what he must do under such circumstances; he does not allow himself to be tempted by dazzling offers to take part in public activities. This would only expose him to danger, since he cannot assent to the meanness of the others. He therefore hides his worth and withdraws into seclusion.


Six at the beginning means:
When ribbon grass is pulled up, the sod comes with it.
Each according to his kind.
Perseverance brings good fortune and success.

The text is almost the same as that of the first line of the preceding hexagram, but with a contrary meaning. In the latter a man is drawing another along with him on the road to an official career; here a man is drawing another with him into retirement form public life. This is why the text says here, “Perseverance brings good fortune and success,” and not “Undertakings bring good fortune.” If it becomes impossible to make our influence count, it is only by retirement that we spare ourselves humiliation. Success in a higher sense can be ours, because we know how to safeguard the value of our personalities.

25. Wu Wang / Innocence (The Unexpected)


Ch’ien, heaven is above; Chên, movement, is below. The lower trigram Chên is under the influence of the strong line it has received form above, from heaven. When, in accord with this, movement follows the law of heaven, man is innocent and without guile. His mind is natural and true, unshadowed by reflection or ulterior designs. For wherever conscious purpose is to be seen, there the truth and innocence of nature have been lost. Nature that is not directed by the spirit is not true but degenerate nature. Starting out with the idea of the natural, the train of thought in part goes somewhat further and thus the hexagram includes also the idea of the fundamental or unexpected.


INNOCENCE. Supreme success.
Perseverance furthers.
If someone is not as he should be,
He has misfortune,
And it does not further him
To undertake anything.

Man has received from heaven a nature innately good, to guide him in all his movements. By devotion to this divine spirit within himself, he attains an unsullied innocence that leads him to do right with instinctive sureness and without any ulterior thought of reward and personal advantage. This instinctive certainty brings about supreme success and ‘furthers through perseverance”. However, not everything instinctive is nature in this higher sense of the word, but only that which is right and in accord with the will of heaven. Without this quality of rightness, an unreflecting, instinctive way of acting brings only misfortune. Confucius says about this: “He who departs from innocence, what does he come to? Heaven’s will and blessing do not go with his deeds.”


Under heaven thunder rolls:
All things attain the natural state of innocence.
Thus the kings of old,
Rich in virtue, and in harmony with the time,
Fostered and nourished all beings.

In springtime when thunder, life energy, begins to move again under the heavens, everything sprouts and grows, and all beings receive for the creative activity of nature the childlike innocence of their original state. So it is with the good rulers of mankind: drawing on the spiritual wealth at their command, they take care of all forms of life and all forms of culture and do everything to further them, and at the proper time.

Published on December 13, 2021 at 6:00 by

Wu wei

Wu wei is a concept with its origin in old China meaning “inexertion”, “inaction”, or “effortless action”. Different meanings. From a non trying of things, a non doing of things to a with no conscious mind doing of things.

The way i lead my life is not very well thought out. Things happen to me, thoughts come into my mind, but finally i do what i do. It is not clearly envisaged beforehand. I know my money will be running out next year, but i am still not giving up.

This thought of wu wei is giving me hope. I am living very quietly, only meeting a few people each week. I am not going into any direction, i am standing still, here, in Rotterdam. Not wanting to go anywhere else. Not until i feel it’s the right time.

I try to live in this world with a generous nature. I try to say hello to most people i come across. Some simply walk me by. I don’t mind that. I am trying to write something here on this blog which makes sense. I often fail. But it is getting better. For the next two weeks i have some posts ready. I am working on a drawing, which i will post the last day of this year, Friday 24 December. I hope i can write more, cook something and make photographs.

I hope you will have a good weekend. Salute!

Published on December 10, 2021 at 6:00 by

Celeriac Fries


  • half a celeriac
  • 4 tablespoons of olive oil
  • 2 tablespoons of ground cumin
  • 2 tablespoons of salt
  • 2 cloves of garlic


  1. heat the stove to 200ºC
  2. peal the celeriac, cut into slices of 1 cm width, then in strips of 1 cm wide
  3. boil the strips in hot water for around 5 minutes
  4. drain the strips
  5. make a mixture of the last four ingredients, the olive oil, cumin, salt and garlic
  6. cover the celeriac strips with the paste
  7. bake the celeriac for half an hour on a piece of baking paper, spreading them out without touching each other
  8. present them with mayonnaise or another spread to dip the strips in

Published on December 9, 2021 at 6:00 by

14. Celebrating mystery

Look at it: nothing to see.
Call it colorless.
Listen to it: nothing to hear.
Call it soundless.
Reach for it: nothing to hold.
Call it intangible.

Triply undifferentiated,
it merges into oneness,
not bright above,
not dark below.

Never, oh! never
can it be named.
It reverts, it returns
to unbeing.
Call it the form of the unformed,
the image of no image.

Call it unthinkable thought.
Face it: no face.
Follow it: no end.

Holding fast to the old Way,
we can live in the present.
Mindful of the ancient beginnings,
we hold the thread of the Tao.

Source: Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu
Translated by Ursula K. Le Guin

Published on December 8, 2021 at 6:00 by

The Princess and the Pea

The princess and the pea
A fairytale by Hans Christian Andersen

Once upon a time there was a prince who wanted to marry a princess; but she would have to be a real princess. He travelled all over the world to find one, but nowhere could he get what he wanted. There were princesses enough, but it was difficult to find out whether they were real ones. There was always something about them that was not as it should be. So he came home again and was sad, for he would have liked very much to have a real princess.

One evening a terrible storm came on; there was thunder and lightning, and the rain poured down in torrents. Suddenly a knocking was heard at the city gate, and the old king went to open it.

It was a princess standing out there in front of the gate. But, good gracious! what a sight the rain and the wind had made her look. The water ran down from her hair and clothes; it ran down into the toes of her shoes and out again at the heels. And yet she said that she was a real princess.

“Well, we’ll soon find that out,” thought the old queen. But she said nothing, went into the bed-room, took all the bedding off the bedstead, and laid a pea on the bottom; then she took twenty mattresses and laid them on the pea, and then twenty eider-down beds on top of the mattresses.

On this the princess had to lie all night.

In the morning she was asked how she had slept.

“Oh, very badly!” said she. “I have scarcely closed my eyes all night. Heaven only knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something hard, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It’s horrible!”

Now they knew that she was a real princess because she had felt the pea right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty eider-down beds. Nobody but a real princess could be as sensitive as that.

So the prince took her for his wife, for now he knew that he had a real princess; and the pea was put in the museum, where it may still be seen, if no one has stolen it.

There, that is a true story.

Published on December 6, 2021 at 6:00 by