More than five years ago i made this video. I used the beginnings and thoughtless pieces i had filmed. The moving in past the floor and the window and the ceiling of my old house. This is a piece of work i love.
I just watched it again.Seeing the parts of my old home, seeing my face, my eyes as it was five years ago. It brought tears in my eyes.
I am still not sure how to turn my life around. I hope i will manage it.
The past six months i have been filming and editing and thinking about this short film. The last two months i asked friends if they wanted to participate. Most replied with a yes. Something i am very happy with. I am still not completely sure what this movie is about. One part is about people. Walking, playing, shopping. Living their lives. It is also about me living my life here in the centre of Rotterdam. I’m open to other meanings.
The thought came upon me earlier this week. Tuesday. I cried. I didn’t want to do this. But yes. I am gonna finish working on ellenpronk.com. For several reasons. First, i don’t have the money to pay for the hosting. So this place will be up and running only for a couple of weeks more. Second, my house will be sold. Next week the real estate agent will come by. I’m lucky in that sense. My house will not be auctioned, but sold regularly. Which hopefully leaves me with enough money to last me three or four years.
This is difficult. But i will be fine. I will still post photos on instagram, post updates on facebook, talk a bit on twitter. I won’t be gone. But this place will be finished. Also, because i feel i have done here what i set out to do. Thinking. Working. Looking. Writing. I found a few things i really like. Singing, yes. Filming, yes. So i have gained an awful lot.
Ending this blog does hurt a bit. I’ve said here multiple times how much i love to work here. Each day was a different day. Some very unexpected, others not that much. But all together the past three years felt amazing.
I’m not sure why i’m ending this now. Well, apart from the practical reasons i mentioned. Also, i do want to stay in control, not feel overwhelmed by what is happening. Compared to what happens to other people, my life still is quiet and not very exiting.
This video clip is not a professional one. Of course not. I am drawn between embarrassment and a real felt sadness when i watch this clip.
It has turned out very different from my initial idea. Not sharply cut, not completely in sync with the voice, not a super fast editing. I don’t have the software. I don’t have the amount of RAM. I don’t have the right camera. I have also not given myself enough time.
But still, i do like this video. I do see something in me, something honest. The song itself i like, but it was never a clear favorite of mine. It might turn out like that i admit. Once i have a bit more distance from making this video.
So i leave you with this video. I do hope you find some pleasure in watching it.
I’m happy with this new video clip. It is a clip filled with a selection of Dutch ads, the same idea as in June 2015 for the Ads clip. I got the idea from the music, Pausensassa from Der Plan. I’ve known this song for around 35 years. I have the album! This song is a small favorite of mine. Part of most party lists i made over the years.