There is no settling down without some settling for. There is no long-term relationship not just putting up with your partner’s flaws, but accepting them and then pretending they aren’t there. We like to call it in my house “paying the price of admission.”
You can’t have a long-term relationship with someone unless you’re willing to identify the prices of admission you’re willing to pay — and the ones you’re not. But the ones you’re not — the list of things you’re not willing to put up with — you really have to be able to count [them] on one hand…
People, when they’re young, have this idea… “There’s someone out there who’s perfect for me”… “The one.”
“The one” does not fucking exist.
“The one” is a lie. But the beautiful part of the lie is that it’s a lie you can tell yourself.
Any long-term relationship that’s successful is really a myth that two people create together … and myths are built of lies, and there’s usually some kernel of truth…
When you think about it, you meet somebody for the first time, and they’re not presenting their warts-and-all self to you — they’re presenting their idealized self to you, they’re leading with their best. And then, eventually, you’re farting in front of each other. Eventually, you get to see the person who is behind that facade of their best, and they get to see the person your facade, your lie-self — this lie that you presented to them about who you really are. And what’s beautiful about a long-term relationship, and what can be transformative about it, is that I pretend every day that my boyfriend is the lie that I met when I first met him. And he does that same favor to me — he pretends that I’m that better person than I actually am. Even though he knows I’m not. Even though I know he’s not. And we then are obligated to live up to the lies we told each other about who we are — we are then forced to be better people than we actually are, because it’s expected of us by each other.
And you can, in a long-term relationship, really make your lie-self come true — if you’re smart, and you demand it of them, and you’re willing to give it to them… That’s the only way you become “the one” — it’s because somebody is willing to pretend you are. “The one” that they were waiting for, “the one” they wanted, their “one.” Because you’re not — nobody is. No two people are perfect for each other, ever, period — No two people are 100% sexually compatible, no two people are 100% emotionally compatible, no two people want the same things. And if you can’t reconcile yourself to that, you will have no relationships that last longer than two months.
And you know what? It’s not going to be their fault — it’s going to be your fault.
Categories for Internet
Kottke.org i have been following pretty much since it started in 1998. It picks fun, serious or remarkable video’s and articles from all around the internet. I love that it is still going.
Founded in 1998, kottke.org is one of the oldest blogs on the web. It’s written and produced by Jason Kottke and covers the essential people, inventions, performances, and ideas that increase the collective adjacent possible of humanity. Frequent topics of interest among the 26,000+ posts include art, technology, science, visual culture, design, music, cities, food, architecture, sports, endless nonsense, and carefully curated current events, all of it lightly contextualized. Basically, it’s the world’s complete knowledge, relentlessly filtered through my particular worldview, with all the advantages and disadvantages that entails.
Source: About kottke.org
Two clips posted today i enjoyed.
Carly Simon — You’re So Vain — Scrobbling now
Carpenters — Top of the World — 3 minutes ago
Tracey Thorn — Plain Sailing — 5 minutes ago
Talking Heads — Pyscho Killer — 10 minutes ago
The Jam — That’s Entertainment — 13 minutes ago
Steely Dan — Deacon Blues — 21 minutes ago
Kylie Minogue — Especially For You (Showgirl Tour – Live In Sydney) — 25 minutes ago
Julie Andrews — My Favorite Things — 28 minutes ago
Rip Rig & Panic — Sunken Love — 31 minutes ago
Andrew Lloyd Webber — I Don’t Know How To Love Him – Jesus Christ Superstar/Soundtrack Version — 35 minutes ago
The Beach Boys — God Only Knows – 1997 – Remaster — 38 minutes ago
Wire — Mannequin — 40 minutes ago
Rick Astley — Never Gonna Give You Up — 44 minutes ago
Roberta Flack — Killing Me Softly With His Song — 49 minutes ago
Shanice — I Love Your Smile — 53 minutes ago
Julie Andrews — Do-Re-Mi — 59 minutes ago
10cc — I’m Not in Love — an hour ago
Five — Keep on Movin’ — an hour ago
Scritti Politti — Lions After Slumber – 2001 Digital Remaster — an hour ago
Data copied on Thursday 9 August around 15:28 from my recent tracks page on last.fm: last.fm/user/ellenlfs
I watched this TED talk today. Enjoyed it very much. A clear mind, not talking too fast. Also not too personal. I don’t really like it when somebody starts with his or her own story and moves into a general story.
The video is published in 2008. Not too high resolution. It doesn’t matter too much.
TED is a nonprofit devoted to spreading ideas, usually in the form of short, powerful talks (18 minutes or less). TED began in 1984 as a conference where Technology, Entertainment and Design converged, and today covers almost all topics — from science to business to global issues — in more than 100 languages. Meanwhile, independently run TEDx events help share ideas in communities around the world.
I do enjoy watching a TED talk occasionally. I watched some yesterday, about youth and porn. I had to remind myself these talks were about the United States. Hopefully things are better here in the Netherlands. A bit.
I also enjoyed this one about the power of vulnerability by Brené Brown which i watched over the weekend. A good story. And yes, already confirming ideas i had myself.
I do realize these talks are rather short and geared to a general public. I did a search for this and found this article and the video: We need to talk about TED.
The key rhetorical device for TED talks is a combination of epiphany and personal testimony (an “epiphimony” if you like ) through which the speaker shares a personal journey of insight and realisation, its triumphs and tribulations.
What is it that the TED audience hopes to get from this? A vicarious insight, a fleeting moment of wonder, an inkling that maybe it’s all going to work out after all? A spiritual buzz?
I’m sorry but this fails to meet the challenges that we are supposedly here to confront. These are complicated and difficult and are not given to tidy just-so solutions. They don’t care about anyone’s experience of optimism. Given the stakes, making our best and brightest waste their time – and the audience’s time – dancing like infomercial hosts is too high a price. It is cynical.
Also, it just doesn’t work.
I’m happy to see this is actually a talk about TED. I listened with interest.
Actual change is difficult. To get through to people is hard. People may like what you do, but for them to actually change something in their own life is extremely unlikely. Almost impossible.
Something for me to think about.
Since 24 August 2005 i use last.fm to build up a list of most of the music i listen to. In spotify you can add the songs you listen to. My username in last.fm is ellenlfs. Nowadays i mainly use ellenpronk, but i do still like ellenlfs.
My overview page in last.fm is https://www.last.fm/user/ellenlfs. I did have many periods in which i didn’t listen that much to music. 2015 is my busiest year. In total i have 44.064 scrobbles from 1.854 artists until now.
This comes close to my overall taste, but there are differences. My favourite album of all time is Cupid & Psyche ’85 from Scritti Politti, but i’m not listening to this album as much as i used to. The previous forty years of my music listening is not in this account. Still, twelve years is a long time. I do enjoy seeing my listening habits displayed like this.
Number of tracks scrobbled each year.
|Year||Number of scrobbles|
My top artists
1 – Scritti Politti – 2,013
2 – Talking Heads – 1,004
3 – Steely Dan – 905
4 – Pet Shop Boys – 860
5 – Sufjan Stevens – 822
6 – Wire – 816
7 – David Bowie – 682
8 – Michael Jackson – 570
9 – Beastie Boys – 544
10 – The Beatles – 523
My top albums
1 – Steely Dan — Can’t Buy A Thrill – 440
2 – Ed Lincoln – Ed Lincoln – 391
3 – Janelle Monáe — The ArchAndroid – 378
4 – Wire — Pink Flag – 297
5 – Tracey Thorn — A Distant Shore – 274
6 – Scritti Politti — White Bread Black Beer – 254
7 – Scritti Politti — Songs To Remember – 235
8 – Michael Jackson — Thriller – 227
9 – David Bowie — The Singles Collection – 220
10 – Nick Drake — Five Leaves Left – 217
My top tracks
1 – Britney Spears — Sometimes – 136
2 – Scritti Politti — Road to No Regret – 132
3 – Tracey Thorn — Too Happy – 123
4 – Scritti Politti — Absolute – 120
5 – Janelle Monáe — Tightrope (feat. Big Boi) – 115
6 – Alessi Brothers — Oh Lori – 114
7 – Steely Dan — Deacon Blues – 113
8 – Wire — Mannequin – 112
9 – Ed Lincoln — (O Nome Dele É) Waldemar – 111
10 – 10cc — I’m Not in Love – 110
The latest songs i have been listening too (Monday 25 September 22:04)
CeeLo Green — Fuck You — 6 hours ago
Johnny Cash — Ring of Fire — 6 hours ago
The Pop Group — Snowgirl — 6 hours ago
The Beatles — She Loves You – Mono / Remastered 2009 — 6 hours ago
Kurtis Blow — The Breaks — 6 hours ago
Ed Lincoln — Balansamba Nº1 — 6 hours ago
Janet Jackson — Let’s Wait Awhile — 7 hours ago
Jacques Brel — Ne me quitte pas — 7 hours ago
Carly Rae Jepsen — Call Me Maybe — 7 hours ago
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Walk Through the Fire — 7 hours ago
A few days ago i decided to add a contact form to this website. A simple service. Today i did a quick look around for this. I picked one which was used many times. I don’t want to add any extra fields, so the basic one is enough for me.
I will add this form to the contact page.
So if there is anything on your mind you want to ask me or to tell me, please use the contact form below. I will never use your email for any commercial use.
Comments or questions are welcome.