Categories for General

Forget me not

Around nine i got out of bed. I took my medicine, put on some stay-at-home clothes, went downstairs and started to make breakfast. Pancakes with almond flour, one egg and some cream. Bacon sizzling in the pan, the thick batter on top of it and a slow cook for around five to seven minutes. I let out Robin. The moment i came down he looked at me from the bed he was lying on and walked quickly to the door of the terrace. Out! Out!

I ate my breakfast watching stuff on my iPad. Some links, some youtube clips, some facebook. A bit of Stardew Valley. I felt a bit lazy.

Assie and Ted appeared. I made some tea and drank it with a bit of pure chocolate. It was a bit chillier than yesterday.

For lunch i made a salad with spinach, some cherry tomatoes, half a bell pepper and a boiled egg. Yum. I went out for a short walk. An hour or so. I had my coat and a scarf on. In the sunshine i opened my coat, but in the shade and the wind i closed it all again. Chill.

Home again. I went upstairs. More Stardew. More youtube.

And my mind is running. I’m kissing someone, in my mind. Holding hands with someone. Smiling. I can not let it go. I talk to people, in my mind.

It is so close. So near. I don’t know what to do – or rather – i am afraid. Afraid to fail. Which is nonsense of course. I just have to be myself. Just have to be relaxed. Just have to pay attention to everything outside. No worry about me. I’m fine. I’m good. Outside is the place i need to worry about.

I was just lying on my bed, playing a bit. The thought of what wrote was on my mind. No, this is not what i want to say. This is not what i really really want. Of course i wish for love and friendship. Of course. And friendships i do have. Maybe not the best and most special kind, but still. I know many people who are kind and loving and do their best to live the best life they can. Am i doing that? Can i honestly say that?

That tarot card i picked yesterday, the heart with the three swords going through it, it shows unhappiness. Last Saturday i had a talk with Ted about my present situation. The pain i felt. The sadness of loosing my house. I felt tears in my eyes. I still remember the rooms, the kitchen, the bathroom, my sleeping room, my working place. I felt the joy of staying there, so close to the center. I felt the joy of living so close to the water. The quietness of the street. The view on the park on the other side of the water.

I don’t know what lies in future for me. I can only do my best. I can only try and pick the best road to travel. Do what feels right to me. Not be impatient. Especially not that.

I have to let it all go. Keep the memories. But live on, and try to make the best of it. As i know i can.

Published on April 14, 2020 at 6:00 by

It is well to remain below

62. Hsiao Kuo / Preponderance of the Small


While in the hexagram Ta Kuo, PREPONDERANCE OF THE GREAT (28), the strong lines preponderate and are within, inclosed between weak lines at the top and bottom, the present hexagram has weak lines preponderating, though here again they are on the outside, the strong lines being within. This indeed is the basis of the exceptional situation indicated by the hexagram. When strong lines are outside, we have the hexagram I, PROVIDING NOURISHMENT (27), or Chung Fu, INNER TRUTH, (61); neither represents and exceptional state. When strong elements within preponderate, they necessarily enforce their will. This creates struggle and exceptional conditions in general. But in the present hexagram it is the weak element that perforce must mediate with the outside world. If a man occupies a position of authority for which he is by nature really inadequate, extraordinary prudence is necessary.


Perseverance furthers.
Small things may be done; great things should not be done.
The flying bird brings the message:
It is not well to strive upward,
It is well to remain below.
Great good fortune.

Exceptional modesty and conscientiousness are sure to be rewarded with success; however, if a man is not to throw himself away, it is important that they should not become empty form and subservience but be combined always with a correct dignity in personal behavior. We must understand the demands of the time in order to find the necessary offset for its deficiencies and damages. In any event we must not count on great success, since the requisite strength is lacking. In this lies the importance of the message that one should not strive after lofty things but hold to lowly things.
The structure of the hexagram gives rise to the idea that this message is brought by a bird. In Ta Kuo, PREPONDERANCE OF THE GREAT (28), the four strong, heavy lines within, supported only by two weak lines without, give the image of a sagging ridgepole. Here the supporting weak lines are both outside and preponderant; this gives the image of a soaring bird. But a bird should not try to surpass itself and fly into the sun; it should descend to the earth, where its nest is. In this way it gives the message conveyed by the hexagram.


Thunder on the mountain:
Thus in his conduct the superior man gives preponderance to reverence.
In bereavement he gives preponderance to grief.
In his expenditures he gives preponderance to thrift.

Thunder on the mountain is different from thunder on the plain. In the mountains, thunder seems much nearer; outside the mountains, it is less audible than the thunder of an ordinary storm. Thus the superior man derives an imperative from this image: he must always fix his eyes more closely and more directly on duty than does the ordinary man, even though this might make his behavior seem petty to the outside world. He is exceptionally conscientious in his actions. In bereavement emotion means more to him than ceremoniousness. In all his personal expenditures he is extremely simple and unpretentious. In comparison with the man of the masses, all this makes him stand out as exceptional. But the essential significance of his attitude lies in the fact that in external matters he is on the side of the lowly.

Published on April 7, 2020 at 6:00 by

A lazy day

Today i haven’t been outside. I watched a Beck episode on Netflix. I played Stardew Valley. I bought this game earlier this week. A basic farming RPG, where you can farm, forage, mine and fish. I play this game on my iPad, lying on my bed. Very enjoyable.

That is it for today. Nothing important going on. Simply move along.

Salute! Enjoy your weekend. 🙂

Published on April 3, 2020 at 6:00 by

To the dentist and a bit of shopping

This morning i got out of bed quite early. I ate my breakfast, oats and got ready to walk to the dentist. It was so quiet on the streets. The sun was shining. Some people were outside. I managed to stay clear of them. When i entered the dentist’s place i cleaned my hands with the hand sanitizer hanging at the entrance. I said my name to the receptionist behind the glass panel. I sat down and waited for around ten minutes.

I’m relieved to say that the whole dentist thing was not as bad as i anticipated. The anaesthetic was the most painful feeling. It did numb the whole lower right face. In two weeks time i have another appointment with the dentist dor a new bracelet, this time behind my teeth.

On the way back, my face still half numb, i went into the Gimsel. This time the entrance was one door to the right. Spirit, the vegetarian restaurant over there is closed. At the entrance there was hand sanitizer and paper towels. Inside the shop i waited when i wanted something where somebody else was looking for something.

Weird weird weird.

I’m not afraid. Not scared. But this does impress me.

Published on March 27, 2020 at 6:00 by

No question asked

22. Pi / Grace


This hexagram shows a fire that breaks out of the secret depths of the earth and, blazing up, illuminates and beautifies the mountain, the heavenly heights. Grace-beauty of form-is necessary in any union if it is to be well ordered and pleasing rather than disordered and chaotic.


GRACE has success.
In small matters
It is favorable to undertake something.

Grace brings success. However, it is not the essential or fundamental thing; it is only the ornament and therefore be used sparingly and only in little things. In the lower trigram of fire a yielding line comes between two strong lines and makes them beautiful, but the strong lines are the essential content and the weak line is the beautifying form. In the upper trigram of the mountain, the strong line takes the lead, so that here again the strong element must be regarded as the decisive factor. In nature we see in the sky the strong light of the sun; the life of the world depends on it. But this strong, essential thing is changed and given pleasing variety by the moon and the stars. In human affairs, aesthetic form comes into being when traditions exist that, strong and abiding like mountains, are made pleasing by a lucid beauty. By contemplating the forms existing in the heavens we come to understand time and its changing demands. Through contemplation of the forms existing in human society it becomes possible to shape the world.


Fire at the foot of the mountain:
The image of GRACE.
Thus does the superior man proceed
When clearing up current affairs.
But he dare not decide controversial issues in this way.

The fire, whose light illuminates the mountain and makes it pleasing, does not shine far; in the same way, beautiful form suffices to brighten and to throw light upon matters of lesser moment, but important questions cannot be decided in this way. They require greater earnestness.

° Six in the second place means:
Lends grace to the beard on his chin.

The beard is not an independent thing; it moves only with the chin. The image therefore means that form is to be considered only as a result and attribute of content. The beard is a superfluous ornament. To devote care to it for its own sake, without regard for the inner content of which it is an ornament, would bespeak a certain vanity.

Six in the fourth place means:
Grace or simplicity?
A white horse comes as if on wings.
He is not a robber,
He will woo at the right time.

An individual is in a situation in which doubts arise as to which is better-to pursue the grace of external brilliance, or to return to simplicity. The doubt itself implies the answer. Confirmation comes from the outside; it comes like a white winged horse. The white color indicates simplicity. At first it may be disappointing to renounce the comforts that might have been obtained, yet one finds peace of mind in a true relationship with the friend who courts him. The winged horse is the symbol of the thoughts that transcend all limits of space and time.

14. Ta Yu / Possession in Great Measure


The fire in heaven above shines far, and all things stand out in the light and become manifest. The weak fifth line occupies the place of honor and all the strong lines are in accord with it.All things come to the man who is modest and kind in a high position.


Supreme success.

The two trigrams indicate that strength and clarity unite. Possessions great measure is determined by fate and accords with the time. How is it possible that the weak line has power to hold the strong lines fast and to possess them? It is done by virtue of unselfish modesty. The time is favorable–a time of strength within, clarity and culture without. Power is expressing itself in graceful and controlled way. This brings supreme success and wealth.


Fire in heaven above:
Thus the superior man curbs evil and furthers good,
And thereby obeys the benevolent will of heaven.

The sun in heaven above, shedding light over everything one earth, is the image of possession on a grand scale. But a possession of this sort must be administered properly. The sun brings both evil and good into the light of day. Man must combat and curb the evil, and must favor and promote the good. Only in this way does he fulfill the benevolent will of God, who desires only good and not evil.

Published on March 3, 2020 at 6:00 by

1 March 2020

This morning, Sunday 1 March, i got up around nine. I put on my onesie, went down and started making my breakfast. A baked egg sunny side up, some bacon, an almond flour pancake with butter and some coconut flower sugar. I watched some youtube clips while eating it, wearing my new headphones, the Sony WH-1000XM3. I love it, especially the noise cancelation. The sound is good too.

At eleven there was an interview with Thomas Piketty on television. Enjoyed it. Stuff to think about.

Something for lunch. Time to get ready for the garden. It was busy! I did some wood chips spreading, a bit of weeding, sat in the self warming wood chips pile, nice and warm, watered the seedlings in the greenhouse. Chatted a bit. Sat down and listened to all the sounds around me: the traffic, the tram, people’s voices, birds whistling. Never silent. In the midst of Rotterdam.

I bought a salad on my way back. A bit tired. Watched a bit of television. Went up. And now i’m writing this. A simple report of the day. Thinking, listening, watching, working.

Lovely 🙂

Published on March 2, 2020 at 6:00 by


I slept long today. Not sure why. I made some oatmeal porridge. Read my Iris Murdoch book. Went upstairs and played a little Warcraft. Sitting alone in the house right now. Ted and Aussie are to the movies.

I spend a couple of minutes thinking about the title. Unsure.


Published on February 25, 2020 at 6:00 by

Coffee in the cafe

Saturday morning i went to the small oogstmarkt close by. It was windy. Very windy. There were fewer stalls than usual. I met a friend and we sat on a bench. It wasn’t that cold. But yes, windy. And chilly, sort of. Another friend joined us. I said i had told my housemate that the coffee stall wasnt going to be there, so he would bring along coffee. We waited. We talked a bit. Another friend came by.

When all people we expected had arrived, we had a talk. Someone suggested going to a pub. There are plenty nearby. So we did. It felt like playing truant, spijbelen. (What an odd translation. I didn’t know this word.) We went to the hip cafe around the corner and drank coffee and chatted about all sorts of things. I talked with a friend about the upcoming ending of our western civilization. When will this happen? I talked about my idea of buying less, less, less. With the upcoming doom of people without jobs. That we should help each other. Have old office buildings full of sleeping rooms and soup kitchens. We talked about people without a network of friends surrounding them.

It was a lovely morning. Interesting talks.

And i only have one more month to get invited to De wereld draait door! Damn!

The photos in this post are made Sunday February 23 at the Vredestuin.

Published on February 24, 2020 at 6:00 by