Categories for General

A busy Monday

Last night, between Sunday and Monday, i hardly slept. I was in bed, tossing and turning. Around four i turned on the light and read a little. For fifteen minutes or so. To try to sleep after that. I did fall asleep eventually. To wake up really late. Of course. I got out of bed around ten in the morning. Still feeling tired.

I made my oatmeal porridge. Yum! Like i do each day, for the past couple of months. I turned on my computer and checked my e-mail. Played a little warcraft. Some questing, in Nagrand, with my level 65 death knight. For around half an hour or so. Then i took a shower. Washed my hair. Felt good. I don’t shower that much. Once a week usually. A bit later now. My hair was getting a bit greasy. And i started to feel my skin. Not especially dirty, but i could feel it sliding differently. So yes, clean and smelling fresh once again!

Listening to music after that. Singing along with some tracks. Daydreaming away. So clear. So much… here. And still, i’m still feeling that i shouldn’t go and look for work. I still feel i am doing the right thing. Working in the garden. Staring to play chess in the library. Talking with people. It is good. Good! Not really knowing how this will work out, but i know, deep down, i know for sure it will turn out right. I do trust myself. Completely.

Around two i did a quick blow dry of my bangs. I usually do this once i washed my hair. It’ll stay good for around thirty minutes. But i do like to do it. Then i went out. First i brought a package with my tv reception machine for KPN to the post counter in the supermarket. Since i have canceled my television subscription, i got this brown carton box from KPN to send it back. I do still watch television, but on my iPad or computer.

Then i went to the library. I did watch the end of a chess game before going to look for new books. Some people i know were sitting around the chess board.

Then i turned in the book i finished last night. I went up to the third floor, to the English section. Walked past the cupboards, looked for books by Philip K. Dick, but didn’t see any. Then i thought of the books written by Robert Jordan, the Wheel of Time series. I do have twelve books of that series myself. There were a couple more, and yay! i found them. Number thirteen Towers of Midnight and fourteen A Memory of Light. These books are not my favourite books, but still, i enjoyed the first ones. The ones in the middle are a bit boring. And it is really really long. Fourteen books. Pffff. Still, i am looking forward to reading the end part. Finally.

I went back to the chess game and watched another game. Not terribly exciting, i admit. Everyone plays differently. Defending. Attacking. Going for the small pawns, medium pieces. Or go straight to the king. Put pressure. Fight. Or not. Withdraw. Make a better set up for another attack. So many different variations. I like it. But i still have to learn so many things. Analyzing. Thinking more steps forward. It is good i found the courage to play chess with other people. Happy. So happy with that.

A quick run through the supermarket. Then home. And yes, i’m still a bit tired. It’s five o’clock. I lie on the couch for a bit. Read a little. But my eyes close after a while. I almost doze off. Almost.

Around six i get up and start making a salad for dinner. Kale, green beans, spring onions, feta, bacon. Nice.

The rest of the evening i watch television. De wereld draait door. Koken met van boven.

And now i’m sitting here, behind my computer. Typing this piece. A report of this day. Not a very special day. But also, a very special day. With special moments. So many special moments i don’t even talk about here. The smile i feel when i walk outside. Looking at other people. The joy when somebody looks back and smiles back. Small things. But still, important. In this small area in Rotterdam i live in.

I’m gonna add the photos to this post. And then it is time to go to bed. It is still early, but i don’t mind. I like to read in bed, watch some youtube clips. Anything.

Hopefully i sleep a bit more this night. I do feel tired. But that is no promise.

To you, when you read this tomorrow morning, i hope you will enjoy your day. Filled with work, family, friends, shopping, little talks, maybe big talks too!


Published on September 19, 2017 at 6:00 by


35. Chin / Progress


The hexagram represents the sun rising over the earth. It is therefore the
symbol of rapid, easy progress, which at the same time means ever widening
expansion and clarity.


PROGRESS. The powerful prince
Is honored with horses in large numbers.
In a single day he is granted audience three times.

As an example of progress, this pictures a time when a powerful feudal lord
rallies the other lords around the sovereign and pledges fealty and peace. The
sovereign rewards him richly and invites him to a closer intimacy.

A twofold idea is set forth here. The actual effect of the progress emanates
from a man who is in a dependent position and whom the others regard as
their equal and are therefore willing to follow. This leader has enough clarity
of vision not to abuse his great influence but to use it rather for the benefit of
his ruler. His ruler in turn is free of all jealousy, showers presents on the
great man, and invites him continually to his court. An enlightened ruler
and an obedient servant–this is the condition on which great progress


The sun rises over the earth:
The image of PROGRESS.
Thus the superior man himself
Brightens his bright virtue.

The light of the sun rises over the earth is by nature clear. The higher the sun
rises, the more it emerges from the dark mists, spreading the pristine purity
of its rays over an ever widening area. The real nature of man is likewise
originally good, but it becomes clouded by contact with earthly things and
therefore needs purification before it can shine forth in its native clarity.

I am not sure why i am throwing the coins for getting an I Ching sign once again. I used to do this many years ago. When i was still writing in a diary, pouring my thoughts out onto the paper. It grew less over time. Stale.

Not anymore. Not since i got this sledgehammer moment, now almost three years ago. But it is hard to keep myself going. It is hard to not let myself be drawn back into the normal working days of old. The money earning days.

It is strange that people around me, old friends and new friends, simply do not see the things i see. I try to tell them, but it is like talking to deaf men. Or women. I do think about it. I do think about what i was trying to say. And i see the complete misunderstanding of what i say. So clear. It all comes down to me. To say something clearly. Not to be misunderstood.

I hope i can manage that. To be clear in what i say. Close to me. Not denying myself, but also with an understanding of the position the listening person is in.

It is difficult.

Of course.

Published on September 14, 2017 at 6:00 by


For over two years i didn’t have any periods. Now, since a week and a half, i have cramps. A little blood. Not that much. Today, while i was sitting in the library watching chess, the cramps got worse. Man. And then i got nauseous. I stood up, walked to the restroom, but it is not free. A tearoom is right besides it, i asked a girl working there if i could use the restroom there, that i was getting sick.

Pfff. I walked out feeling a bit better. The girl, very friendly, offered me a glass of water.

I sat for a little while longer. After around ten minutes i went for a quick run in the supermarket. I didn’t feel good. I felt like a ghost walking carefully.

Back home i lied on the couch, still feeling cramps.

So, that was my day today. Hopefully one of the last times ever i have these cramps. I was so happy to get rid of them. Soon. Soon!

Published on September 5, 2017 at 6:00 by

A short holiday

I’m giving myself a holiday. The next two weeks i will be enjoying reading books, working in the garden, cooking and working ahead writing and making posts.

See you again on Monday 28 August.


Published on August 14, 2017 at 6:00 by


This morning i had to go out sober, with nothing eaten yet, to have my blood pricked. This week on Thursday i have an appointment with my doctor. Walking outside felt wonderful. Sun shining. A bit of wind. A quiet Monday morning.

Back home i made my breakfast. Oats porridge. With a bit of sugar. And some butter. And cinnamon.

This afternoon i cleaned up parts of the kitchen. The kitchen window. The plate rack. The cupboard beneath the sink. The cupboard next to it. Cleaning all the stuff inside. Putting more bowls underneath the sink. Vacuum cleaning my house. It felt good. Singing along with the music. Good too!

Thinking lots. It is becoming clearer. I do hope things will turn out right for me. I do hope i will find what i want to say. What i want to do.

I’m still walking to it. Every day is different. I feel different. Time moves on. Slowly.

I so very much hope.

Published on August 8, 2017 at 6:00 by


This morning there were several downpours. I watched the last episode of Top of the Lake season 2. Looking outside, listening to the rain a bit.

After that i sat behind my computer for a short while, making the newsletter of this week. Done! A bit of browsing, going through my facebook and twitter feed.

Thinking about kissing. That was almost intoxicating. Enchanting. Not kissing any one in particular. Simply kissing. Or more being kissed. This afternoon anyway.

Then i decided i wouldn’t go to the garden today. I wrote a message in the whatsapp group. The three main people wouldn’t be there either today. Quickly after that i got a message from Julien, asking me for my keys. Of course.

The Filosofisch Kwintet was a bit later. A ladies football game was canceled the night before and moved to this morning. So the Filosofisch Kwintet was moved to another channel and delayed in time. I watched it. It was OK. Nothing earth shattering.

This afternoon the weather got better. The sun came through. Blue sky in between the clouds.

I went to the supermarket. I needed milk. To make my oatmeal porridge with in the morning. I decided to go by the garden and treat everyone to kano’s.

I stayed much longer than i had anticipated. Did some harvesting. Showed some people around the fruit garden at Station Hofplein.

A good afternoon. When i got home i got all the bed cottons of and turned on the washing machine. Spend some time sewing back together the rip in the mattress cover, the molton.

Before zomergasten started i threw the I Ching. The first sign felt a bit general. Not too outside my current situation really. 3. Chun / Difficulty at the Beginning, with a changing 9 as the first, bottom line.

°Nine at the beginning means:
Hesitation and hindrance.
It furthers one to remain persevering.
It furthers one to appoint helpers.

If a person encounters a hindrance at the beginning of an enterprise, he must not try to force advance but must pause and take thought. However, nothing should put him off his course; he must persevere and constantly keep the goal in sight. It is important to seek out the right assistants, but he can find them only if he avoids arrogance and associated with his fellows in a spirit of humility. Only then will he attract those with whose help he can combat the difficulties.

With only the bottom line changing, this sign changes in to number 8. Pi / Holding Together. The same sign i got a few weeks ago. I do like it when this happens. Makes me read the text once again.

The rest of the evening i spend watching Eberhard van der Laan, the Amsterdam mayor, in zomergasten, summer guests, a three hour television show broadcasted in August since 1988. I had some critique, but still, Janine Abbring did a good job here talking with van der Laan. There was more attention, more listening, more open feeling in this evening than the one she spend last week with Rosanne Hertzberger. It touched me, especially towards the end.


Published on July 31, 2017 at 6:00 by

A day for myself

Today i worked on getting my newsletter back on track. I stopped sending them a few weeks ago. Thinking about whether i would continue with them. I have one subscriber. But yes, i will continue with it. I still like it. Even though i was not sending it for longer than i thought. Four weeks at least.

So that is done.

Listening to Michael Jackson a lot today. Singing along with some songs. Dancing too! Is good! Listened to Thriller and Off the Wall. I have Off the Wall on cd. Not sure i have Thriller. Hmm. I did buy Bad when it came out in 1988.

I also watched the second episode of Game of Thrones this morning. Right after i got out of bed. It feels different watching the show these days. Still enjoy it. 🙂

And this evening i watched Notting Hill on television. Love it. Seen it a dozen times i’m sure.

Ooh and i also made a homemade mayonnaise salad with courgette and onion and avocado and gherkin. A huge pot. Lovely to eat on a sandwich.

Well, that is it for this post. Did a lot today. Thought a lot too.


Published on July 25, 2017 at 6:00 by

Holding Together

My original plan for today was to make a walk. An hours walking away from my house, in the south part of Rotterdam, is the educational garden De Enk. But this morning rain was pouring down. I knew it would stop halfway during the day. Still, i decided to go next week. And then i found myself lying on the couch half asleep with the television on. Not the best way to spend my day!

I did spend a couple of hours this morning reading articles i linked in the previous post. Still have a couple to read. I loved the article The western model is broken. I will need to read it again. But i like all the articles.

Just yet i threw the I Ching. No changing lines this time. And i got a good sign, 8. Pi / Holding Together [union].

The waters on the surface of the earth flow together wherever they can, as for example in the ocean, where all the rivers come together. Symbolically this connotes holding together and the laws that regulate it. The same idea is suggested by the fact that all the lines of the hexagram except the fifth, the place of the ruler, are yielding. The yielding lines hold together because they are influenced by a man of strong will in the leading position, a man who is their center of union. Moreover, this strong and guiding personality in turn holds together with the others, finding in them the complement of his own nature.


HOLDING TOGETHER brings good fortune.
Inquire of the oracle once again
Whether you possess sublimity, constancy, and perseverance;
Then there is no blame.
Those who are uncertain gradually join.
Whoever come too late
Meets with misfortune.

What is required is that we unite with others, in order that all may complement and aid one another through holding together. But such holding together calls for a central figure around whom other persons may
unite. To become a center of influence holding people together is a grave matter and fraught with great responsibility. It requires greatness of spirit, consistency, and strength. Therefore let him who wishes to gather others about him ask himself whether he is equal to the undertaking, for anyone attempting the task without a real calling for it only makes confusion worse than if no union at all had taken place.
But when there is a real rallying point, those who at first are hesitant or uncertain gradually come in of their own accord. Late-comers must suffer the consequences, for in holding together the question of the right time is also important. Relationships are formed and firmly established according to definite inner laws. Common experiences strengthen these ties, and he who comes too late to share in these basic experiences must suffer for it if, as a straggler, he finds the door locked.
If a man has recognized the necessity for union and does not feel strong enough to function as the center, it is his duty to become a member of some other organic fellowship.


On the earth is water:
Thus the kings of antiquity
Bestowed the different states as fiefs
And cultivated friendly relations
With the feudal lords.

Water fills up all the empty places on the earth and clings fast to it. The social organization of ancient China was based on this principle of the holding together of dependents and rulers. Water flows to unite with water, because all parts of it are subject to the same laws. So too should human society hold together through a community of interests that allows each individual to feel himself a member of a whole. The central power of a social organization must see to it that every member finds that his true interest lies in holding together with it, as was the case in the paternal relationship between king and vassals in ancient China.

Published on July 13, 2017 at 6:00 by

Icecream and music

Today wasn’t a big productive day. I had to calm down from the post i wrote yesterday. It is a big upheaval for me. Writing the post, and thinking about it after that. Dreaming away, again.

I did go out in the afternoon. Wearing the big floppy hat i usually wear to the garden. It was warm! Hot! I did promise myself a bit of icecream. I asked for passionfruit and mango, but i got strawberry instead of mango icecream. When i said something about it, the lady helping me asked me if she could put the mango on top of the strawberry. So i got three scoops for the price of two. I got a newspaper and sat outside in the shade and slowly ate the entire icecream. Yum!

At home i listened to music. My MIX tapes section on Spotify to the rescue. I thought about making a playlist and adding it to this post.


I drank a bit too much water. I have got to be careful, it almost feels like i’m gonna throw up. I don’t want that. Careful.

I just threw the I Ching. 14. Ta Yu / Possession in Great Measure.


Supreme success.

The two trigrams indicate that strength and clarity unite. Possessions great measure is determined by fate and accords with the time. How is it possible that the weak line has power to hold the strong lines fast and to possess them? It is done by virtue of unselfish modesty. The time is favorable–a time of strength within, clarity and culture without. Power is expressing itself in graceful and controlled way. This brings supreme success and wealth.


Fire in heaven above:
Thus the superior man curbs evil and furthers good,
And thereby obeys the benevolent will of heaven.

The sun in heaven above, shedding light over everything one earth, is the image of possession on a grand scale. But a possession of this sort must be administered properly. The sun brings both evil and good into the light of day. Man must combat and curb the evil, and must favor and promote the good. Only in this way does he fulfill the benevolent will of God, who desires only good and not evil.

Nine in the fourth place means:
He makes a difference
Between himself and his neighbor.
No blame.

This characterizes the position of a man placed among rich and powerful neighbors. It is a dangerous position. He must look neither to the right nor to the left, and must shun envy and the temptation to vie with others. In this way he remains free of mistakes.

I’m not sure what this sign says is correct for me in this time. I can still be almost fierce in discussions. It is hard to let things go. But sometimes i do. It depends on the person i’m talking with. Some can be almost aggravating. Telling me what to think. Which i don’t like. Other people i really like. That is hard too. More pleasurable though. Really! I have no idea who those rich and powerful neighbors are. But still. Good advice.

The next sign is 26. Ta Ch’u / The Taming Power of the Great. This is a good one. An even better one than Possession in Great Measure.


Perseverance furthers.
Not eating at home brings good fortune.
It furthers one to cross the great water.

To hold firmly to great creative powers and store them up, as set forth in this hexagram, there is need of a strong, clear-headed man who is honored by the ruler. The trigram Ch’ein points to strong creative power; Kên indicates firmness and truth. Both point to light and clarity and to the daily renewal of character. Only through such daily self-renewal can a man continue at the height of his powers. Force of habit helps to keep order in quiet times; but in periods when there is a great storing up of energy, everything depends on the power of the personality. However, since the worthy are honored, as in the case of the strong personality entrusted with leadership by the ruler, it is an advantage not to eat at home but rather to earn one’s bread by entering upon public office. Such a man is in harmony with heaven; therefore even great and difficult undertakings, such as crossing the great water, succeed.


Heaven within the mountain:
Thus the superior man acquaints himself with many sayings of antiquity
And many deeds of the past,
In order to strengthen his character thereby.

Heaven within the mountain points to hidden treasures. In the words and deeds of the past there lies hidden a treasure that men may use to strengthen and elevate their own characters. The way to study the past is not to confine oneself to mere knowledge of history but, through application of this knowledge, to give actuality to the past.

Therefore even great and difficult undertakings, such as crossing the great water, succeed.


I’m gonna sit near my balcony. Maybe cool myself a bit before with some cold water. Yeah, it is hot. Just sit and think a bit after that. Enjoy this weather.

Bye bye!

Published on June 20, 2017 at 6:00 by


A bit tired. I did work in the fruit garden. Planted out some catnip, watered the strawberries, tomatoes, grapes, blackberries and of course the catnip. Went to the supermarket afterwards and bought some milk, butter, cottage cheese and cat food.

When i got home i felt really tired. I just lied down on the couch and didn’t think of much.

A bit better now. Still tired, but a bit more upbeat.

My mind is still racing. Trying to get my head straight. Takes some effort. I admit. Ooh man, i do hope i will give myself some sleep tonight. I really do.

Published on June 14, 2017 at 6:00 by