Categories for General

Now again

My now feeling does pop up occasionally. Over the past few weeks, at certain moment during the day, i feel it. Now. Today, while i was walking to Superbra, i watched the birds on the water. I saw ice floating. I heard the sounds it made. All now. Then.

I bought two new bra’s. It was two and a half years ago since i last bought a new bra. The first time i was in this special bra shop. Very enjoyable.

That is it for today. A short post. Nothing special.


Published on February 15, 2018 at 6:00 by

A random post

The photo made of me last Tuesday. Sitting in the garden on the Hogbogen, making an aquarel, a watercolour drawing. Still learning. Very enjoyable to do.

Today i went out and got me a bread and food for my cat. In the Gimsel i also bought bags for vegetables, fruit and bread. I wanted to make them myself, but i couldn’t resist getting them already made. Expensive. Yes. But still very nice. I’ll make many uses of them! I will make some myself. I will look in the attic room once again to see if my old sewing machine is standing there. If i can not find it, i will look for a second hand one. Sowing by hand goes so slow.

I am also thinking about a job vacancy for Rechtstreex. This is for 8 – 12 hours a week, giving out the vegetables and fruits and cheeses and meats people have ordered online. This actually sounds like something i will enjoy doing. I still have time to think about it, i need to write before February 18. I might actually try this.

I hope you will have a good weekend. Salute!

Published on February 9, 2018 at 6:00 by

Panasonic Lumix DMC-GX80

So, today, in the afternoon, i got the money from selling my house. I thought about it for a couple of minutes. I paid some bills. And i put on my shoes and my coat and went out. To buy myself a new camera. I walked to Foka and talked with the person who helped me yesterday and said i was there to buy. To spend money. A Panasonic Lumix DMC-GX80. A mirrorless interchangable lens camera. I had read the Buying Guide: Best cameras for video and this camera was the budget recommendation. Cost me quite a bit of money, but it is still below 1500 euros.

So good! A big sigh, sure. So many things to learn. I only got around to charging up the camera. I made a few photos of Mouse asleep in front of the heating. But i didn’t get how to connect the camera to my computer. In the instructions they talk about the smartphone connection. Hmm.

I also bought a bag and a tripod for shooting video. Not terribly expansive, but still ok. And i did get an insurance for three years. Since i take the camera out a lot, i think it needs it.

I have bought two lenses. One a 14-140, the equivalent of a 28-280 for a full frame DSLR camera. The other a 60 mm macro lens for portraits and close ups. That one i get in a few days, it wasn’t in the shop.

The next days i will be reading the instructions, use the camera out and about. Use all the different buttons. Get to know it. Thoroughly.


PS. I was lying in bed and it suddenly dawned on me. The cable i used to charge up the battery had an USB side. So that was the way to connect it to my computer. I got out and presto! So at the end is a photo i made. Large. Not raw, but a jpg. It is fine for now.

PPS. The names of this camera are different in different parts of the world. It is the Panasonic Lumix DMC-GX80, GX85 or GX7II in Europe, US and Japan respectively.

Published on January 24, 2018 at 6:00 by


44. Kou / Coming to Meet


This hexagram indicates a situation in which the principle of darkness, after having been eliminated, furtively and unexpectedly obtrudes again from within and below. Of its own accord the female principle comes to meet the male. It is an unfavorable and dangerous situation, and we must understand and promptly prevent the possible consequences.
The hexagram is linked with the fifth month [June-July], because at the summer solstice the principle of darkness gradually becomes ascendant again.


COMING TO MEET. The maiden is powerful.
One should not marry such a maiden.

The rise of the inferior element is pictured here in the image of a bold girl who lightly surrenders herself and thus seizes power. This would not be possible if the strong and light-giving element had not in turn come halfway. The inferior thing seems so harmless and inviting that a man delights in it; it looks so small and weak that he imagines he may dally with it and come to no harm.
The inferior man rises only because the superior man does not regard him as dangerous and so lends him power. If he were resisted from the fist, he could never gain influence.
The time of COMING TO MEET is important in still another way. Although as a general rule the weak should not come to meet the strong, there are times when this has great significance. When heaven and earth come to meet each other, all creatures prosper; when a prince and his official come to meet each other, the world is put in order. It is necessary for elements predestined to be joined and mutually dependent to come to meet one another halfway. But the coming together must be free of dishonest ulterior motives, otherwise harm will result.


Under heaven, wind:
The image of COMING TO MEET.
Thus does the prince act when disseminating his commands
And proclaiming them to the four quarters of heaven.

The situation here resembles that in hexagram 20, Kuan, CONTEMPLATION ( VIEW). In the latter the wind blows over the earth, here it blows under heaven; in both cases it goes everywhere. There the wind is on the earth and symbolizes the ruler taking note of the conditions in his kingdom; here the wind blows from above and symbolizes the influence exercised by the ruler through his commands. Heaven is far from the things of earth, but it sets them in motion by means of the wind. The ruler is far form his people, but he sets them in motion by means of his commands and decrees.

Six at the beginning means:
It must be checked with a brake of bronze.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
If one lets it take its course, one experiences misfortune.
Even a lean pig has it in him to rage around.

If an inferior element has wormed its way in, it must be energetically checked at once. By consistently checking it, bad effects can be avoided. If it is allowed to take its course, misfortune is bound to result; the insignificance of that which creeps in should not be a temptation to underrate it. A pig that is still young and lean cannot rage around much, but after it has eaten its fill and become strong, its true nature comes out if it has not previously been curbed.

Nine in the fourth place means:
No fish in the tank.
This leads to misfortune.

Insignificant people must be tolerated in order to keep them well disposed. Then we can make use of them if we should need them. If we become alienated from them and do not meet them halfway, they turn their backs on us and are not at our disposal when we need them. But this is our own fault.

Nine at the top means:
He comes to meet with his horns.
Humiliation. No blame.

When a man has withdrawn from the world, its tumult often becomes unbearable to him. There are many people who in a noble pride hold themselves aloof from all that is low and rebuff it brusquely wherever it comes to meet them. Such persons are reproached for being proud and distant, but since active duties no longer hold them to the world, this does not greatly matter. They know how to bear the dislike of the masses with composure.

5. Hsü / Waiting (Nourishment)


All beings have need of nourishment from above. But the gift of food comes in its own time, and for this one must wait. This hexagram shows the clouds in the heavens, giving rain to refresh all that grows and to provide mankind with food and drink. The rain will come in its own time. We cannot make it come; we have to wait for it. The idea of waiting is further suggested by the attributes of the two trigrams–strength within, danger in from. Strength in the face of danger does not plunge ahead but bides its time, whereas weakness in the face of danger grows agitated and has not the patience to wait.


WAITING. If you are sincere,
You have light and success.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
It furthers one to cross the great water.

Waiting is not mere empty hoping. It has the inner certainty of reaching the goal. Such certainty alone gives that light which leads to success. This leads to the perseverance that brings good fortune and bestows power to cross the great water. One is faced with a danger that has to be overcome. Weakness and impatience can do nothing. Only a strong man can stand up to his fate, for his inner security enables him to endure to the end. This strength shows itself in uncompromising truthfulness [with himself]. It is only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any sort of self-deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events, by which the path to success may be recognized. This recognition must be followed by resolute and persevering action. For only the man who goes to meet his fate resolutely is equipped to deal with it adequately. Then he will be able to cross the great water–that is to say, he will be capable of making the necessary decision and of surmounting the danger.


Clouds rise up to heaven:
The image of WAITING.
Thus the superior man eats and drinks,
Is joyous and of good cheer.

When clouds rise in the sky, it is a sign that it will rain. There is nothing to do but to wait until after the rain falls. It is the same in life when destiny is at work. We should not worry and seek to shape the future by interfering in things before the time is ripe. We should quietly fortify the body with food and drink and the mind with gladness and good cheer. Fate comes when it will, and thus we are ready.

Published on December 12, 2017 at 6:00 by


Traveling today. With the train. Listening to music. Moving quietly with it. Happy. As someone said, while i waited for the bus in Amersfoort.

I did check if the music i listened to today was recorded in or spotify, but no. I don’t have internet access on my phone, so nothing there. Too bad, i would have loved to post a playlist of the music listened to today.

I visited my mum. Talked with her about my house and the events in my life the past few months. It was alright. A bit scary, but i felt really really happy. Like, over the moon. I love my mum.

That is it for today. I will try to quiet down. Watch some Buffy. Try to get a bit more sleep tonight. Hopefully.


Published on December 7, 2017 at 6:00 by


I was tired today. I played World of Warcraft. I watched Buffy, halfway the third season. I did some shopping. Got stuff for the cakes i will bake for Sunday. There is a small market then on the Peace Garden. Cakes and chocolate chip cookies. A talk with the real estate agent. Monday i will have my decision ready.

And this evening i feel so happy. Like, singing and dancing happy. Like, it is all easy. All decisions simply come. Easy.

And just yet i threw coins for the I Ching. Contemplation. With a changing line on the first and sixth place. With Difficulty at the Beginning as the final sign.

This does mean something to me. I do feel my life is aligned with something out there. With difficulty. It took me so long. To let it go.

Thank you.


CONTEMPLATION. The ablution has been made,
But not yet the offering.
Full of trust they look up to him.

The sacrificial ritual in China began with an ablution and a libation by which the Deity was invoked, after which the sacrifice was offered. The moment of time between these two ceremonies is the most sacred of all, the moment of deepest inner concentration. If piety is sincere and expressive of real faith, the contemplation of it has a transforming awe-spiring effect on those who witness it.
Thus also in nature a holy seriousness is to be seen in the fact that natural occurrences are uniformly subject to law. Contemplation of the divine meaning underlying the workings of the universe gives to the man who is called upon to influence others the means of producing like effects. This requires that power of inner concentration which religious contemplation develops in great men strong in faith. It enables them to apprehend the mysterious and divine laws of life, and by means of profoundest inner concentration they give expression to these laws in their own persons. Thus a hidden spiritual power emanates from them, influencing and dominating others without their being aware of how it happens.


The wind blows over the earth:
Thus the kings of old visited the regions of the world,
Contemplated the people,
And gave them instruction.

When the wind blows over the earth it goes far and wide, and the grass must bend to its power. These two occurrences find confirmation in the hexagram. The two images are used to symbolize a practice of the kings of old; in making regular journeys the ruler could, in the first place, survey his realm and make certain that none of the existing usages of the people escaped notice; in the second, he could exert influence through which such customs as were unsuitable could be changed.
All of this points to the power possessed by a superior personality. On the one hand, such a man will have a view of the real sentiments of the great mass of humanity and therefore cannot be deceived; on the other, he will impress the people so profoundly, by his mere existence and by the impact of his personality, that they will be swayed by him as the grass by the wind.

Published on November 24, 2017 at 6:00 by


Today wasn’t a productive day. This entire week wasn’t that productive, to be honest. I felt too happy. My mind was racing. I did get new ideas for posts. New ideas for the future. But not yet the time to write them down. I will, of course. But yes, getting a bit quieter in my mind is important. So today i simply read a bit, washed myself thoroughly, with warm water. A friend came by with dumpster dived bread, with raisins and nuts. Lovely! And i watched Star Trek Discovery. I quite like it. I do hope i am getting ready. Well, like i have been over the past fifty three years. It does feel to me to be so obvious, so clear. Looking back on my life, the way i have felt before, living it. All the feelings i have hidden away. All the adjustments i made, trying to fit in. I just never really did.

Well. I threw the I Ching. Following. With a changing second line, bringing me back to the Joyous. Good signs. Being the youngest daughter, this sign always felt close to me.

Ooh… there is one more thing. My father died in October. My mother called my last Saturday and told me. She had read it in a newspaper. He died 16 October 2017. He was 88 years old. I hadn’t seen him in almost thirty years.

My father was the person who pushed me away. And now he is gone. I haven’t cried a tear over him. He has been out of my life for so long. So yes, now he is gone. He left me with a few happy memories. But most are not. Goodbye daddy.

Published on November 3, 2017 at 6:00 by


Friday late in the afternoon i got my computer back. Fast! Fast! The solid state drive feels like, superfast. Of course, now i realize my old hard drive was so slow because of the problems with it. Photoshop now starts up in ten seconds. Not five minutes. The smaller size means i had to put older files on my external hard drive. Not a big issue.

Yesterday, Saturday evening, i had a party. I baked a quince cake to bring along with me. And there was live music. Which was great. Excellent. A proper music jam, with anyone willing participating. With violinist, a vibraphone, keyboards, guitar, several different banging instruments. Lovely. The gin and tonic did get me down. I do remember walking back home not in a straight line. And falling asleep!

And this Sunday evening there was Samhain in the garden. I made a potato and onion adn thyme dish which cooked on the fire. And a salad – with all green harvested in the garden. And music too! I sang along for a bit. Good.

Now i’m home. Tired. Not as drunk as i was yesterday. I’ll hop into bed after i have written this post.

Happy! So happy!

Published on October 30, 2017 at 6:00 by