Categories for General
I made a start with a post i will post tomorrow evening. I hope i can get my thoughts together. I’m happy i made a start with the post today, it gives me a direction in which to look for something worth mentioning.
I just made a roundabout walk to the supermarket. I bought toilet paper, baking sheets, rasped mozzarella, salami, black olives, cream and black peppercorns. Today i’m gonna make pizza! I have a recipe for a fathead pizza, with almond flour, cheeses and an egg. And some salt. With a topping of salami, tomato and cheese. Maybe some sun dried tomatoes on top as well. I bought those last week.
I’ll make a photo!
I am leaving 1/3 of the pizza till tomorrow. I’m quite full now. Enjoy today!
A Sunday at home. A bit of sunshine in the morning. Reading Hyperion. It is quiet in this house. The living room is at the back. I look up into the trees. Some yellow leaves, but the tree right in front of my house still has many green leaves. A blackbird. Coal tits. Great tits. The past few weeks in the afternoon i saw parakeets flying around. They are lovely green. But not a very good song. More like shouting. I also saw a jay flying around a few weeks ago. At least i think it was.
Sometimes i hear the neighbours. Tapping water, talking a bit. In the evening i may hear music. Not that much though.
I love this place.
Today i made a walk into town, just like i said i would yesterday. I didn’t sleep too well, but i did woke up a bit later, around a quarter to eight. Slowly getting into winter time.
I did start thinking better thoughts once i was outside. The sun was shining. Halfway i thought i walk past the new Boymans building, which will open Friday. I will go inside once it is open, i’m sure. Curious to see it in full display.
It does take me more energy to keep myself on track. I don’t always get there. Maybe it is because i need to sort out myself. Yes, i think that is my main problem. I know i was always a bright child. In school i really enjoyed myself, from the lower school to art school. But even at the technical university i enjoyed myself. After that was when the hard part started. Working for the first five years was good. But i got slowly worse. Till i stopped. I didn’t want to do it anymore. I wanted to find my own way of living in this world. I still do. I still do!
I am not giving up. No way.
Almost four weeks i spend in this house here, where i am living now. It is not a peaceful experience. I do enjoy it, sure. But i am also aware of my money slowly but surely getting less.
It is not enough. Not yet. I’m still not bright enough to get it out of my mind and on this computer. Sometimes i feel this spark of something. Like early last week, after i got home from visiting my mothers. I felt different then. But it turns back to normal.
I look around here, right now. Part of me doesn’t recognize the place i am right now. Another part is already used to this place. There are so few things of me here. The barest minimum.
I walk around this house reading the titles of the books standing all around me. Some i like to read, sure. Still so many things to learn. It never stops, luckily.
Tomorrow i will make a walk. Rain or not. Maybe i walk to the library, get a new book. Young adult section. Ha!
This Sunday i went to my mum for her birthday. I was a bit apprehensive about it, but it all went quite well. Much better than i thought beforehand. I felt i should behave like things were normal, not talk about things that bother me. Just be there and be nice basically.
Monday i was still tired. It did feel i had taken a step towards something. Not sure what, but i hope this feeling is right. Tuesday i walked into town. I went to the library. I got something to eat from the market. Wednesday i went to the supermarket for only a few things. Today, Thursday, i took a shower and washed my hair.
A quiet week. I do worry. Of course. Still not sure which way to go. I hope i will find something to do soon!
I have been living in my new temporary house for a week at the time of writing this. It is lovely. It is filled with all the things of other people. Books most of all. I do miss my own things. My own books, my own albums, cd’s. My own clothes, make-up, art works for on the wall. It is stuck in some company on 15 m3.
I don’t want to loose all that. A big part of my life. My old work!
Well, i don’t know how the future will look for me. I hope it won’t be that bad. But i can not be sure of course.
Enjoy your weekend. Salute!