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When i reread the post Mixed thoughts i was so embarrassed. Not the entire post. The first part is ok. But the middle and the end, eew. Well, apart from the final sentences, they were alright. The post felt to me to be too thought out. Too much thought put into it. Too heavy. So i felt happy to leave it behind me and not think about it anymore. “Writing this post gives me a chance to sort my thoughts.” I guess that is true.

So i postponed my post about art. Hmmm. That post is still hazy in my mind. I have a document with some lines. Most of which i will not use. But i do need to try to find what i want to say, in the coming week or two.

This afternoon i went out and made a short walk through the center. I sat on the Grotekerkplein for a bit. I had taken of my coat. Enjoying the sunshine. Looking at the buildings, at the sky, at the water, at the doves walking around, flying up at times, at the people sitting around, walking past.


I walked to the AH after that. I heard some music from somewhere. I looked down, to the wooden platform closer to the water. I saw a mobile phone lying on a bench, with a yellow small cylinder besides it. Two girls were just walking to that bench, but they didn’t pick up the phone. I went down the stairs and looked at the phone. The yellow cylinder turned out to be a music box. I turned of the music. The phone was unlocked. I talked to the girls, but they didn’t know. My first thought was to bring the phone to the police. But one of the girls said to look at the contacts. It was a Samsung phone, which i never handled myself. But she showed me. I looked through the log file of previous calls. I decided to call someone from it. I got a girl on the line. I explained i had found the phone. She asked me if they could get the phone later that evening, which was fine with me.

They just got here. I gave them the phone. A good deed of the day.

Published on March 31, 2016 at 6:00 by

A work day

Today i did some work. I had some css work this morning and a design job in the afternoon. I tried to keep it simple. Often that is the best way to handle it.

I did go to the supermarket this afternoon. I bought two more leeks. I wanted to make a leek and potato soup. Very simple recipe. Fry some leek, i used two. Add a sliced clove of garlic. Add a liter of hot water, two cubes of broth. Two handfuls of potatoes, sliced in half a centimeter width. Let it simmer for around twenty five minutes. Added a bit of cream. Yummy.

Tomorrow i’m gonna visit my mum. Not sure i will walk from the train station, depends on the weather.

I hope you will have a nice day. Enjoy it!


Published on March 15, 2016 at 6:00 by


Much better. Yes!

Today was my lazy sleeping in the sunshine day.

Tomorrow i will go to Museum Boijmans van Beuningen.

This evening i will watch The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Last week it was the first movie, but halfway i went to bed. Curious how it will be tonight.

Enjoy your thursday!

Published on February 18, 2016 at 6:00 by

A quiet day

Still feeling a bit sick today. Well, a bit of a cold. Nothing too bad. I hope!

I did go out for a short bit and did some shopping. It wasn’t cold. But it will get a bit colder. Sunny too! Like, for the next two days, all bright and sunny.

I didn’t do a lot today. Played a bit of vanilla warcraft. Together with a new player. She (or he) was nice. We did a quest together in Loch Modan. We made a good team.

I was thinking of this meeting i had with a stranger on the road last Saturday. She asked me why i was walking the tightrope thing. I said it was a practice. And while i said it i almost fell of. The first time ever. We talked for a bit after that. She was nice. A bit damaged.

And then ooh! That little boy! I was eating a sausage bread and a mum and her son came sitting right besides me. The little boy, around four five years old i guess, was scared of the birds. Most kids are not scared at all. They run up to them and chase them away. But this boy dropped some of the fish on the ground. A pigeon tried to eat some of it, but he chased it away. I got a bit upset. I got to the ground, picked up the food and threw it further away. It just felt so mean, to have this food on the ground, which birds love to eat, and then chase them away from it.

Oh well. It is over and done with.

This week i will be going to the Ugo Rondinone exibit in Museum Boijmans van Beuningen here in Rotterdam. I do plan to make a whole day of it. Hopefully i will feel good enough Wednesday. I used to visit it so many times, especially when i was at art school. I did go there a few years back. I still love the place.

Anyway, it is the end of today. I wish you a happy Tuesday. Do something you like. Smile to a stranger. Say hi to your neighbour. Look up at the sky.


Published on February 16, 2016 at 6:00 by

Not a sick day, but an off key one, ooh man

I need some rest. I had a bit earlier this week, Monday i slept in. Tuesday a bit too. Tuesday i wrote the Scritti piece. Yesterday i didn’t feel good. Today i feel better. But my head is still going rush much further than i want it too and it’s simply too much to keep all in and wow how i long for an uninterrupted night of sleep and no i don’t get that at all so damn.

pfff …

Tomorrow, sorry, that is today, Friday, for the ones reading this, i’m going to my mum. Walking from the train station to her house. Looking forward to that. Right now, Thursday evening, i feel my arms almost shaking with tiredness.

I guess that happens to someone who fullfills her dream she had for thirty (really? no, not thirty.. say twenty, i didn’t think of giving these drawings to Green at all when i was younger) – twenty years.



Published on February 12, 2016 at 6:00 by

A slightly sick day

Today i’m calling in sick. I haven’t been feeling too good since i got back. In the bus i actually threw up. I was so surprised. I had just eaten an apple. It just came flying out. I felt a bit better, but when i went down towards the driver it came again. The whole night i sat besides the driver. I didn’t get sick again, but i did need some fresh air at times.

Today it’s almost the same. I simply want to lie down on the couch and hope i don’t need to throw up again. I’m gonna get in early i’m sure!

Nighty night.

Published on February 11, 2016 at 6:00 by

An in between day

This morning i did some shopping in the Albert Heijn. I bought food for my cats, catty litter, Tony Chocolonely milk chocolate, toilet paper and milk.

I also cleaned up my house, i wiped the floors in the kitchen and in the hall. My neighbour came by so i could tell er what she would need to do for my cats once i’m away over the weekend. I looked around my house and realised i needed to clean up!

I also baked a bread. My sixth already! Still doing the rye and spelt bread. I love the taste. Since it doesn’t rise that much, it’s no use kneading it that long. I will try other breads eventually. But for me, for now this bread is great.

Tomorrow i’ll go to the market. Not that i need that much, some more fruit to take with me, some vegetables for a miso soup. I did make a chicken soup Saturday, which is lovely. I still have one cup of that in the fridge.

Wednesday i’ll start packing. I might fit some clothes tomorrow. I need to decide if i’m gonna buy a new legging, or wear one i already have, or wear a pantyhose. Not sure yet.

The perfume i will take with me will be Portrait of a Lady. I bought this one almost a year ago on my birthday. Love this scent.

I also need to pick my ten favourite posts of the past year for my post on Friday. Tomorrow i will start going through them. Looking forward to that!

That is it for now. Kiss!

Published on February 2, 2016 at 6:00 by

The Compensation

I fell into this program this afternoon, De Tegenprestatie – The Compensation. It took me quite a search to find a good translation of this word tegenprestatie. It is a combination of two words: tegen ~ counter, and prestatie ~ achievement.

I found the following words:

  • Amends ~ Compensation for a loss or injury; recompense; reparation
  • Indemnification ~ The act or process of indemnifying, preserving, or securing against loss, damage, or penalty; reimbursement of loss, damage, or penalty; the state of being indemnified.
  • Compensation ~ Something, such as money, given or received as payment or reparation, as for a service or loss.
  • Exchange ~ To give and receive reciprocally; interchange: exchange gifts; exchange ideas.

In the evening i opened up my Dutch – English dictionary and looked it up. I settled for compensation. I’m still not sure.

The Dutch word is a very specific word in this context. It is a term used by the government for a return for a social security finance you get when you are unemployed. It is a new development, set in motion from around 2015. This evolves around a new term, participation, which is in high use in politics right now. In Rotterdam, the city where i live, this is performed in a vehement form. The program De Tegenprestatie is recorded in Rotterdam. It is a repeat of the transmission in October 2015.

I just came home from doing some grocery shopping. My new bread dough was still in its first rise. I had to wait for a while before i could knead it again, so i turned on the television. As i said in the beginning of this post, i fell into this program.

The language used by the people working at the social services department in Rotterdam is immediately recognizable. You can hear the politics behind it seeping through. The only objective is to get people out of social security as fast as possible, with any payable job possible.

While watching the talks i felt a cold indignation, an anger frowing inside of me. I also felt sorry for the people sitting there, working there. You can feel the training, the days of working together to get the tone right. The computers, the papers, the signatures. It is a world in which i really don’t want to get involved in. It is a dehumanizing environment. With names for talks, De Werkintake, De Inspanningsperiode, names for homework people have to do. This is the civilized shape of slavery. Nobody carries the responsibility for this system. It is shaped by civil servants and politicians in meetings and workshops and symposia. People are not physically hurt, no, but they are hurt by the way they are approached, by the complete lack of humanity with which they are treated.

I’m not sure i have found the right words to express my feelings about this system. I do know, I will rather do any cleaning work, than get involved in this system. I hope it will not get to that. I hope to be something else entirely. I’m working my ass of to achieve that. With this website,

I’m sorry for the people who do not understand Dutch. The entire program can be seen on the 2DOC: De Tegenprestatie.

A 31 minute part of this program.

About ‘De Tegenprestatie’

Published on January 15, 2016 at 6:00 by