Today i’m calling in sick. I haven’t been feeling too good since i got back. In the bus i actually threw up. I was so surprised. I had just eaten an apple. It just came flying out. I felt a bit better, but when i went down towards the driver it came again. The whole night i sat besides the driver. I didn’t get sick again, but i did need some fresh air at times.
Today it’s almost the same. I simply want to lie down on the couch and hope i don’t need to throw up again. I’m gonna get in early i’m sure!
This morning i did some shopping in the Albert Heijn. I bought food for my cats, catty litter, Tony Chocolonely milk chocolate, toilet paper and milk.
I also cleaned up my house, i wiped the floors in the kitchen and in the hall. My neighbour came by so i could tell er what she would need to do for my cats once i’m away over the weekend. I looked around my house and realised i needed to clean up!
I also baked a bread. My sixth already! Still doing the rye and spelt bread. I love the taste. Since it doesn’t rise that much, it’s no use kneading it that long. I will try other breads eventually. But for me, for now this bread is great.
Tomorrow i’ll go to the market. Not that i need that much, some more fruit to take with me, some vegetables for a miso soup. I did make a chicken soup Saturday, which is lovely. I still have one cup of that in the fridge.
Wednesday i’ll start packing. I might fit some clothes tomorrow. I need to decide if i’m gonna buy a new legging, or wear one i already have, or wear a pantyhose. Not sure yet.
The perfume i will take with me will be Portrait of a Lady. I bought this one almost a year ago on my birthday. Love this scent.
I also need to pick my ten favourite posts of the past year for my post on Friday. Tomorrow i will start going through them. Looking forward to that!
I fell into this program this afternoon, De Tegenprestatie – The Compensation. It took me quite a search to find a good translation of this word tegenprestatie. It is a combination of two words: tegen ~ counter, and prestatie ~ achievement.
I found the following words:
Amends ~ Compensation for a loss or injury; recompense; reparation
Indemnification ~ The act or process of indemnifying, preserving, or securing against loss, damage, or penalty; reimbursement of loss, damage, or penalty; the state of being indemnified.
Compensation ~ Something, such as money, given or received as payment or reparation, as for a service or loss.
Exchange ~ To give and receive reciprocally; interchange: exchange gifts; exchange ideas.
In the evening i opened up my Dutch – English dictionary and looked it up. I settled for compensation. I’m still not sure.
The Dutch word is a very specific word in this context. It is a term used by the government for a return for a social security finance you get when you are unemployed. It is a new development, set in motion from around 2015. This evolves around a new term, participation, which is in high use in politics right now. In Rotterdam, the city where i live, this is performed in a vehement form. The program De Tegenprestatie is recorded in Rotterdam. It is a repeat of the transmission in October 2015.
I just came home from doing some grocery shopping. My new bread dough was still in its first rise. I had to wait for a while before i could knead it again, so i turned on the television. As i said in the beginning of this post, i fell into this program.
The language used by the people working at the social services department in Rotterdam is immediately recognizable. You can hear the politics behind it seeping through. The only objective is to get people out of social security as fast as possible, with any payable job possible.
While watching the talks i felt a cold indignation, an anger frowing inside of me. I also felt sorry for the people sitting there, working there. You can feel the training, the days of working together to get the tone right. The computers, the papers, the signatures. It is a world in which i really don’t want to get involved in. It is a dehumanizing environment. With names for talks, De Werkintake, De Inspanningsperiode, names for homework people have to do. This is the civilized shape of slavery. Nobody carries the responsibility for this system. It is shaped by civil servants and politicians in meetings and workshops and symposia. People are not physically hurt, no, but they are hurt by the way they are approached, by the complete lack of humanity with which they are treated.
I’m not sure i have found the right words to express my feelings about this system. I do know, I will rather do any cleaning work, than get involved in this system. I hope it will not get to that. I hope to be something else entirely. I’m working my ass of to achieve that. With this website, ellenpronk.com.
I’m sorry for the people who do not understand Dutch. The entire program can be seen on the human.nl: 2DOC: De Tegenprestatie.
Last week, in my one week off, my one week holiday, my one week of not thinking about posts, what to write, photograph, sing or make, last week i went to a movie. Star Wars: The Force Awakens. In Cinerama, on Wednesday 30 December 2015, starting at 14.10 CET.
I told in The world is terrible i did see the original first movie in 1977 in the cinema. I went together with my nephew. We went out to eat a Big Mac in the new McDonald on the Coolsingel in Rotterdam, before or after.
What I did not mention, i never saw the two upcoming movies in the cinema. I was into new wave music, read less science fiction, and i didn’t go to these blockbuster movies anymore. So yeah, even though i was a sci fi fan for quite some time, that did disappear too for around ten years.
I did enjoy the movie. Especially the beginning. Some parts i was puzzled by. Some parts i felt were taken very lightly.
I will talk about this after the break. Completely spoilerish! So please, if you haven’t seen this movie yet, stay away from that part!
My music listening this year was mainly with spotify. The past week i’ve been reading best of lists, on Pitchfork, the Guardian, Youtube, Spotify. The best news was today, that the Beatles are entering the streaming services as of tomorrow. Yay!
My favourite new star this year is Jess Glynn. I love her voice. I do like her singing on Tinie Tempah’s song Not Letting Go. This music right now makes me feel very happy.
The best song is Let It Go from Idina Menzel for the movie Frozen, a couple of years ago. I was thinking of singing this song again, this time with a video, but no, i decided against it.
This past year of 2015 is one the best years of my life. It was a year of discovery. The singing. The video’s. It was a year of beginnings. And endings. The end of lfs.nl. The start of ellenpronk.com.
It was a year in which i felt myself going through dreams, thoughts, wishes. I still don’t know where i will end up. I still feel that my life could be a silent life, a quiet life, a life working on my own. But i also know it could be a full life, a busy life, a tumultuous life. There are many things i wish for in the busy life. Friends. Someone to love. But you never know, it could be in the quiet life as well. And maybe the division is simply a way for me to make a decision. Maybe the division is not real. Maybe the lifes are the two sides of the same life.
I do remember thinking this year that i was just a normal person. This is not true. I’m extraordinary. I’m not the only one. My friends are extraordinary as well. Everybody i know tries to lead as good and as right a life as they possibly can. Within the means of this world we live in. I’m not sure how wide those means are, how flexible they can be. I’m thinking it is time to try to find that out.
As i said last week, next week i won’t be posting anything. A week off! One more post, tomorrow.
I do enjoy the late December festivities. It is part of the yearly cycle of celebrations. The long nights, the cold, the lights inside the houses and outside on the streets, they do create magic. It’s not that i have a Christmas tree all decorated, but yeah, i do have some Christmas lights wrapped around a small chest. Paper cutouts of geometric Christmas trees turned around a candle.
I enjoy the television. Lots of movies to watch. Harry Potter. Again. Cooking shows. Of course. I do enjoy them. Even though the sweet tones and angelic smiles can be a bit too much for me. Simply Nigella i like, yes. But please show me the bloopers more. I simply can not imagine anyone whisking and cutting and blending with that continuous smile. Still, with all the tv and the cooking shows and the ads on the streets and the Christmas lights up, with all the commercialism and the money making and the people playing for the camera’s, it is still a magical time. I will go to my family this Saturday. Have a little bite to eat. Hopefully it will be nice, we might play a game, we might watch some tv, we might listen to some music. It is not going to be an all festive glamorous time, but still. It’ll be nice.
I'm happy to say i don't drink any soda. These ads from Coca Cola don't do anything for me. Apart from annoying me a bit.
New Year is also around the corner. So is the New Years lottery. Which i actually did do. Once a year. A few years ago i did stop doing this.
This week i’m working on two jobs, which is good, moneywise. Otherwise good too. A bit of work to keep the mind straight. A bit.
I have made some decisions this week. I will be taking a short vacation after Christmas. A week of no posts, to relax and unwind.
The last post, the one on Christmas day, next week Friday, will be the post i started last week, The world is terrible. I haven’t written anything more, but it’s been on my mind every single day. I’ll start writing Saturday and give myself a short week to get it to my liking.
I’ll be doing one more food entry, Vanilla Ice Cream with a Salted Caramel Sauce. Yay!! Really looking forward to that one.
I might be doing a video clip. Not sure, i’ll have to see how it will work out. I am thinking of doing Let It Go. That is my favourite song of this year. I might sing it live into the camera. I’ll see how that goes.
The other posts, i don’t know yet. It’ll make itself clear.