Portrait 153
Published on August 7, 2019 at 6:00 by Ellen
Categorised in: Drawing and watercolour
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Contraception
I was sixteen years old. Together with my mother i went to our family doctor. My period was giving me cramps. I had met someone while i was on holidays. You never knew when it would happen, so birth control was a good option. It was 1980.
I got the pill. No need to add anything, everybody knew what it was. The pill. Not that i talked about it with other people. It just made sense that i had one. It was normal. And yes, my period didn’t give me anymore cramps.
That someone i had met fizzled away. There was a guy in school i fell in love with. We kissed a bit. But no sex. And when i went to the Technical University Delft nothing much changed. I made friends. There was one beautiful guy who i only looked at from a distance. And i kept on taking the pill. You never knew what would happen. I thought of myself as an average girl. It was bound to happen one day.
I moved into my own house when i was twenty-one. In Rotterdam. After a few months i started thinking: why take a pill each and every day for a pain i had only once a month? Yes, it was birth control, but i wasn’t having any sex. So after a few months i stopped with the pill. The cramps were not that bad really.
I had sex with someone when i was twenty-eight. We used condoms. The last time we had sex, the condom tore. So i took the morning-after pill. The one and only time i ever did.
Once we broke up, i remember thinking that i would be a bit more careful the next time. That i wanted to be in love the next time. Completely.
One time after that i did fell in love with someone else. He didn’t fall in love with me.
It all seems like such a long time ago. Only for around six years i used contraception. Because it was normal. The thing you do. Like, you wouldn’t want to get pregnant, right?
I still feel very happy i decided against continuing with the pill when i was in my early twenties. I don’t think i should ever have taken the pill for my cramps. There are other less invasive medicines i could have used for that.
As fot the literature about the pill, i haven’t dived into that. There are many sources online, a quick search will do. Or simply start with reading the wikipedia article about birth control.
Weeds
Decisions
I am not a scientist. I can only speak for myself. What i think is worthwhile to do and to strive for. Most of these things have to do with minimizing my ecological footprint. Difficult because i live in western Europe in one of the wealthiest countries in the world. I am surrounded by a neo-liberalist world. It is hard to find a good starting point from where to think.
As i said, i am not a scientist. But i can think and read and talk about things. About our world. So i will in the next few weeks.
Not right now though. Writing takes time and thought. It is hard work. For now i’m happy i have decided this is one of the areas i will dive into more.
Have a good weekend. Salute!
Berries and artichokes
De Kikkerprins
Mending some clothes
Only while i was mending this shirt i thought of making a post about it. So no before photo. i do love this shirt. I think i might have it for around fifteen years or so. So yes, definitely worth the mend.
This dress from Joline Jolink is also a favourite. I have for it four or five years i think. There is a little hole in it.
And now it is fixed!
This legging from the Hema has a big hole near the crotch.
On both sides. This side the hole is a bit smaller.
Done ...
... and done! 🙂
Afterwards i went out and had a Turkish pizza. I walked through the city and sat down for a while. Lovely weather. All summery 🙂
A bit off
The past week has been the warmest week in the Netherlands since humans started recording the temperature. I have kept quiet. It was so hot. And yes, i’ve been a bit off. Dizzy. Whenever i turned in bed, whenever i stood up i felt dizzy. And today i felt sick. Not extremely no. But when i was at the garden, after two three hours i decided to go home. Missing the Pot Luck.
So, i’m passing for today’s post. This is it. I will most likely watch tonight’s Zomergasten to see if there is anything interesting broadcasted. And i will go to bed in time. I feel tired.
Tomorrow, hopefully, i feel a lot better!
Thinking out loud
Two weeks ago i woke up in the middle of the night. I sat up straight in my bed. Thoughts were running through my head. I could hear them loud and clear.
I forgot. Of course. But i know what surrounded this night. The evening before i started reading the book Staat van Verwarring written by Ad Verbrugge. A book wherein erotic love between a man and a woman stands in the middle. A book wherein surrendering is almost impossible in our current atomized postmodern time.
I don’t know if i can surrender. Or want to? I do dream about it. It is a steady background fantasy in my life. So on the one hand yes, of course i want this. In a perfect situation, with the perfect man, i would love that this would happen to me. It doesn’t mean i want to be loved and cherished and worshiped. I want a friend. A true friend. Someone i can take care of. Someone to laugh with. Talk with about anything. Cook for. Cuddle with. And yes, have sex with. I’d love that. Truly.
But right now, i have some other things on my mind. Like those words in my mind two weeks ago. The words i forgot. Which i hope will come back to me eventually. There is something in my mind which needs to get out, desperately. After that, well, that is for another time. For now, i need to make more effort to try and say what i really want to say in as clear a voice as i can have.
Enjoy the weekend. Salute!
Sunflower
