Categories for General

A lovely day

This morning i slept in a bit. I came out of bed a quarter past ten. I cooked an egg. I set it up with cold water, turned out the gas when the water boiled and set a timer at 5 minutes. Tomorrow i’ll set the timer to 4 minutes once again. Sometimes that might be a bit too soft, but i still like it loads.

I played a bit of warcraft. On a private server, the Rebirth, a 1x vanilla server, 1.12. I don’t play lots, only around half an hour till an hour a day. Winter Veil started again. Today i did the Metzen quest. I still remembered it from retail. I knew he was in Tanaris. My main rogue is level 52, so i could walk in easily in between all the level 43 – 44’s there.

I listened to some music. The loudspeakers don’t work. Last Thursday there was a brief electricity failure. After that they simply don’t work. I tried the cd player, but that has the same problem. I can hear the music very faintly, even when i put the sound at its loudest. Today i reconnected the wires, but that didn’t help. Hopefully i’ll be able to fix it later on. But today i listened through my Apple headphones.

I set out and collected all the papers i need to send to the tax office. I’m gonna get a statement from the tax office about this life insurance thing i had for the past five years. I stopped it, but i need a statement in which it is said what amount i deducted from my tax papers each year. As far as i know, i had put up nothing. I did ask my accountant if he knew anything about it, and he had said no. So this should mean i get more money back from the insurance. I did call the tax phone to check the address i need to send this too. The last time i called, i was told i should send it too the Office in Middelburg. All these sort of statements are being done now by that office. Only since a couple of weeks. Glad i was told in time. I walked to an outside printer’s shop to print 2 pdf files and copy the insurance policy. It is in the post now. Phew.

I walked back through town. I got me a chips with mayo. I looked around, sitting on the edge of a small green area, across from Amac, the Apple store. I went in there for a short time after i finished my chips. I looked at the iPad Pro. Hmm. Not too large. Quite lovely. Hmm.

When i got home, around four, i realized The Great British Bake Off was on. A repeat of this years show. So i turned on the tv and watched the end of it. Escape to the Country. Home Comforts at Christmas. Dr. Phil. Terrible story on there. Koken met van Boven is back! I like that show. Also a cookery show, but with attention to where the food comes from. I had to laugh when the presenter, Yvette, pulled this big smile when she was whisking the eggnog mixture. Or rather, in Dutch, advocaat! A drink i’m actually used to seeing my old aunts drink around Easter. But in the US it is a Christmas drink. I should actually make it someday. Eggs, sugar and brandy. Nothing really difficult about that!

And all this day i thought about this article i started last Friday. The world is terrible. I only wrote the first paragraph. The rest is still in my head. I do hope it will be finished this week, but we’ll see. I think, i hope, i wish it to be a special article. We’ll see.

It’s almost nine here. In a few minutes Simply Nigella will start. She smiles too much in her shows. I do enjoy the recipes, but pfff. It is all a bit fake.

Enjoy your day. Kiss!

Published on December 15, 2015 at 6:00 by

A meeting, bread, eggs, butter and some time to unwind.

I had a meeting this morning. I talked a lot. A lot even. So much to say. Somewhat hectic, i admit.

It was good.

I went to the shop afterwards. Bread, eggs and butter. My breakfast. Home. I still felt the tension inside. I listened to music, sang along with some songs. Reasons from Earth, Wind & Fire. Love that song!

I remember singing along with this song when i was twelve years old. Standing outside my older sister with the album Gratitude in my hands.

I should try and sing this song a cappella. Practice it at least. Hmm.

I did read a couple of D.F. Wallace articles this afternoon. Consider the Lobster. Hail the Returning Dragon, Clothed in New Fire. Federer as Religious Experience.

I got this idea for a post. About this last year. About the sexual feelings i had. Have. I need some time to think about this, some time to write and rewrite.

Still tired.

Published on December 10, 2015 at 6:00 by

Infinite Jest

Over the past months i’ve been rereading some of my SF and fantasy books. I’ve been through the best of them. So now it is time for me to turn to some other books i have, which have been waiting for my attention. First is Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace. I have this book for around 5 years. I have tried reading it, but i got stuck. So i will try again. Yes! I will use resources online to help me understand the book and read notes about it. Infinite Summer i have still bookmarked, and i’m happy to see it is still online. A good place to start.

This evening i will read some articles about Wallace, tips to help me get through the book and enjoy it, warm ups and advocacy posts.

This thought just cropped up, so i do need to give it some thought before i go ahead with it. I might do a small series about the book here. Some notes, passages i noticed. This might give me some support in reading. I’ll think about it.


After doing the clips yesterday, today i’m searching for best of lists. Also a few other clips i came across. Enjoy!

Paste Magazine‘s best of 2015 music list

Rolling Stone – 50 Best Songs of 2015

Published on December 8, 2015 at 6:00 by


Missy Elliott – WTF

Fleur East – Sax

Jess Glynne – Take Me Home

Tinie Tempah ft. Jess Glynne – Not Letting Go

Jess Glynne – Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself

Selena Gomez – Same Old Love

Zedd – I Want You To Know ft. Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez – Good For You

Ariana Grande – Focus

Taylor Swift – Wildest Dreams

Ellie Goulding – On My Mind

One Direction – Drag Me Down

Rita Ora – Body on Me

Lana Del Rey – Music To Watch Boys To

Hailee Steinfeld – Love Myself

Pitbull – Fun

Published on December 7, 2015 at 6:00 by

An ordinary day

I did go to the market, bought some vegetables. The AH, some food for my cats and fruit cookies. The Hema, where i bought 5 socks. Antibacterial ones! I did ask in the shop what that meant. Was there a special treatment? Something the socks were bathed in? But i didn’t see anything about that on the label. The woman i asked walked to a cashier. Turned out it sort of meant that these were socks in which you shouldn’t get any sweaty feet. Cotton. Yes. The woman shook her head a bit. I said: “Advertorial speak.” In Dutch of course. Pfff.

Before i went into the Hema i bought a hotdog and ate it while watching the koopgoot. The last bit of the bread i pulverized and threw for some doves sitting before in me. More doves flew in. Some doves even flew to the railing, like five inches away from my hand. Some sparrows flew in too. Nice!

I still feel happy with the clip i published yesterday. I know it is dark and basic. But yes, i like it. I did start to think about my next clip today. Which song? Psycho Killer popped up. Images of me singing, filmed from different corners, cut through each other. Some parts of me quiet, looking angry. Seems like a good start. I’ll start tomorrow. Happy!

Published on December 2, 2015 at 6:00 by

A lazy day

I spend today reading. In the afternoon i fell asleep on the couch. I was so tired. I still am. So i’m gonna do nothing more for today, watch some tv and read a bit more. And then hopefully get some sleep.

Seeya tomorrow!

Published on November 11, 2015 at 6:00 by



My time of continuing this sabbatical is running out. Or rather, my money is running out. I have stopped a pension saving plan. I will ask for a pay out. This will give me a little money for the next few months. I know i could get another mortgage for my house, which has a large equity. But i don’t want to go there. Yet.

It took quite some effort to get myself to decide this. It still does. But i do not want to end up depended on the Dutch government. No thank you. I do not want to leave my house. So there. Damn.


I did apply for a loan from my bank, to help me get through this period.

It is hard to maintain a blog these days. It is hard to catch people’s attention.

Once i find a job. I might change the number of updates. Going to one or two updates a week.

I’m not giving up making my work. With video, i’m just starting out. And the singing is wonderful, for me anyway! I’m thrilled i found these two things i love to do. Absolutely out of this world. Fucking unbelievable.

I do have to remind myself of this. I feel so happy. With all the trouble connected with that. With the sadness. With the wanting. That i have found something worth living for. I hardly know anybody else who sees that. One or two people maybe? But it is OK. I believe in it myself, so strong.

There is still a voice inside of me telling me it could be good still. But if the life of quiet and solitude is mine, than that is fine with me. Not my first pick, but it was mine for many many years.

I’m rambling on a bit. Thinking a lot yes. Feeling a lot. Not all good. But still. Once i started writing further on this post, i started to feel better.

This is life Ellen. You gotta deal with it.

Published on November 3, 2015 at 6:00 by

Saving the world

The past year i’ve spend mostly by myself. I did have some meetings with old friends. It wasn’t as lonely as it was the years before. The years i didn’t work on my own stuff, on and here on The time before filled with the paid work i used to do, making websites.

Last friday i was on a Beertasting in Het Wilde Weten (The Wild Knowledge). I told somebody that i spend my last year on a sabbatical. I liked that word. Sabbatical. A good word for this past year. In which i started working again on, after eight years of silence. I made my final present, started up and set out blogging about my past, my old work, my old diaries. To end up here. Singing songs. Making video’s.

I started daydreaming again last year. About many different things. Saving the world! I did try to talk about it once. But it is hard. I see that more clearly now. I kept thinking about this post i wrote in April: My futures. This post was on my mind over the past few months. It’s also not that easy, to simply say you choose this or that future. Your future is embedded inside you, in the choices you have made, in the paths you have walked in your life. My life is singular. I tried connecting to other people, but mostly my relations with friends vanished over time. So i might be able to make a choice. I’m not bound to anyone, limiting me in what i pick. It does make me sad. But it is also liberating.

I was thinking about writing this post during the day. I was writing other things, forgotten already.

I’m gonna finish this post and will start listening to Rudolf Escher. With a glass of red wine. Cheers!

Published on November 2, 2015 at 6:00 by

Making a selfie

When i went to visit my mum in the weekend, i walked for two hours. It was a lovely day, half the walk was through a small forest. I made many clips. I had decided that was gonna be my clip for this week.

Last night, around four or five, i was lying in the dark. Thinking, dreaming. About my friends. People i know. Suddenly the thought about my first ideas for video clips came up. Me. Dancing. Ooh.. i had started on the Leusden clip, but those were clips already familiar to me. I realized i should move forward. Not make something i had already made.

So i did start with the dancing. Not that i used any of it. But still. An hour after that i made some clips of me sitting in front of the window. That worked better.

I went to the market. For an hour or so. When i got back home i started to put on some make up. Not that much. A bit of eye shadow. Bright red lipstick. Glossy. I made some more clips.

This evening i imported all the clips in iMovie. I made a new project and added all the clips, full length. I added some music. Not Around the world from Daft Punk. But Brian Eno and David Byrne tracks from My life in the bush of ghosts. I did notice the start and end bits of the clips. When i turn around the camera to stop the filming. The parts where i move the camera real close through my hair. The parts where its blurry. The parts where its too bright. I like it.

I am getting older. I see the lines on my face. The wrinkles around my eyes. I weigh too much. I do see that. I can not deny that.

It is so easy to forget. It is so easy to not see it. Filming myself, makes me painfully aware of it.

I do like to see how my mind works during work. How i try something, which doesn’t work. But i see something else, which shines. And i go for that. And i move along. And i watch and make new clips, and watch some more. And then i go and sit behind the computer and start to edit. And watch. And get more ideas. And tomorrow i will make more clips. I’m sure they will be different. And add the clips. And edit more. Happy times!

Published on October 28, 2015 at 6:00 by