Author Archives for Ellen

Lament

It is almost four years ago since i sold my house. I spend the first two years still living in my old place, paying 500 euros rent a month. Almost two years ago i moved out. I put my furniture, the pieces i wanted to keep, in a storage company. Since then i moved out and about. First four months with a friend. Then a couple of months at someone who i found through airbnb. Then one after another for a month or less. Then i stayed with Erik. Very enjoyable. Two months at another place in the center of town, than back to Erik. And now i stay here in this small apartment in the west side of town, until half of April. I moved in here 6 October.

I’m up and down, yes. Mostly up. Faithful in who i am. I am not letting the people who don’t trust me and my place in this world get to me. No way sir!

Enjoy your weekend. Find a quiet place. Salute!

Published on December 3, 2021 at 6:00 by

1. Taoing

The way you can go
isn’t the real way.
The name you can say
isn’t the real name.

Heaven and earth
begin in the unnamed:
name’s the mother
of the ten thousand things.

So the unwanting soul
sees what’s hidden,
and the ever-wanting soul
sees only what it wants.

Two things, one origin,
but different in name,
whose identity is mystery.
Mystery of all mysteries!
The door to the hidden.

Source: Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu
Translated by Ursula K. Le Guin

Published on December 2, 2021 at 6:00 by

Imagine writing

A few years ago i sat with some friends at the Eekhoorn (‘squirrel’) in the Kralingse Bos. We talked about things going wrong in the world. Someone said it was the high worldwide population which was the biggest problem. No i said, surely not.

We need to look hard at how we live right now: the amount of energy we use, the pollution we cause, the diversity loss. The huge amount of people who live on this planet.
In the past two hundred years the human population rose from 1 billion to currently 7,9 billion people. Global population growth had its peak in 1962 and 1963 with an annual growth rate of 2.2%. Since then, world population growth has halved.

I am not sure i was right when i denied that the huge population rise over the last hundred years has contributed to our current climate problems. In part sure, it is a factor. But it is also a fact that the world richest 10% produce half of the carbon emissions. The poorest half – 3,5 billion people – are responsible for a mere 10%. Lifestyle factors like use of energy and carbon freeing activities like flying and driving a car are more important than the actual world population.

Personally i’m still convinced that our lifestyle is the most important factor in our current troubles. The amounts of stuff we buy, the amount of miles we drive, the amount of kilometers we fly, the amount of clothes we buy and throw away. The industry is one of the most important contributors to carbon dioxide emission.

This subject is complicated. I am no way an expert. I almost loose myself in all the data i look up. I hope one day i can say it in easy language.

Published on November 30, 2021 at 6:00 by

Omicron

It doesn’t stop. The virus keeps on mutating. The current mutation omicron, initially named B.1.1.529, is starting its spread around the world. It is already found in Belgium, Botswana, Germany, Hong Kong, Israel, Italy, and the United Kingdom. In the Netherlands 13 cases are found this Sunday 28 November, who arrived from South-Africa last Friday.

I do feel the circle around me getting tighter. Three people who i occasionally see on the harvest market, had corona in the past two weeks. My life is quiet, so i’m not that obvious a victim for corona, but it does seem to be getting more and more infectious. Simply said, i don’t know. But i am not that worried about getting the disease. And if i do, i hope it won’t get too serious. My vaccinations should help me with that, hopefully.

And how do i feel now? I’m a bit down and then up again. A bit worried about myself mostly. And then i feel like i should be able to do something. Do something. What? Well, i’m still not burned up. I still have a bit of hope.

Published on November 29, 2021 at 6:00 by

The End of America

A few days ago i came across this book written by Naomi Wolf called The End of America. I admit, my view on the current developments is hazy at best. I am pretty well aware of what is going on in the Netherlands and Western Europe, but everything beyond is limited to what i read in the newspaper and online. I wish i knew more.

Reading this book published in 2007 makes me aware of everything that happened after it: the 2008 monetary crisis, Trump becoming president in 2016, corona disease in the past two years.

I had to solve the mix up in my mind. First i confused this writer Naomi Wolf with the writer Naomi Klein. Glad that confusion is behind me now. I hope i will finish this book. I am not sure what to think of it to be honest. We will see!

I leave you with some youtube clips with interviews with Naomi Wolf. Enjoy.

Published on November 24, 2021 at 6:00 by

Friendship

Around 2006, 2007, i stopped seeing my old friends. It was not an anti move, more a too tired to continue to see them one. Some had moved out of town, some others had gotten children, some had gotten a relationship. I felt tired of continuing to try to connect with anyone. I huddled inside and played world of warcraft. Once around 2010, 2011 i met an old friend in the center of town. I almost cried then while we talked. It had gotten to me.

Over the next four or five years me and my old friends met a couple of times. I ate with someone, i came on their allotment, i visited their studio, i stayed over for a weekend. But it didn’t continue. It wasn’t the same, not anymore. We had drifted apart.

I was on the other side of wanting to have friends. I had crossed over. I was feeling good on my own now. Which i didn’t do while i was younger, before 2006, at least not all the time. I felt happier on my own, cheerful even.

Now i have some friends connected to certain environments. Some are friends from the garden. I enjoy seeing them, talking with them. Others are friends from the market. Each Saturday i visit the market around 11 and stay there for two to three hours. We chat about all sorts of things. I usually eat something there, mussels or haring or – eek! – some chips.

But they are not best friends. I am not sure i will ever get a best friend. Maybe that time is past, maybe i have grown up too much to be able to get a new best friend. Even though i do meet new people enough. I am open enough to talk to people i meet and chat about all sorts of things.

I don’t know where and with whom my future lies. I do hope it is somewhere in a nice place.

I wish! 🙂

Published on November 22, 2021 at 6:00 by