Kissing and having sex and more
My first kiss i had on a beach in the moonlight on Tenerife. I was sixteen years old. He visited me once i was back home. I remember him asking my mum why i went to the gymnasium. He thought i didn’t need that. Bye bye!
I have been in love many times. The way a person looks, the way he dresses, the way he looks at me, all those things can spark my interest in a person. Someone may be beautiful. I fell for that a couple of times. I remember a young gorgeous man when i studied in Delft. I looked at him while sitting in a lecture hall. Nothing happened.
I remember sitting in my room with a young man i was in love with. I touched his penis. I remember it being soft and squishy. It rose up a bit when i touched it. Nothing further happened. I remember one night we tried to do it, have proper sex, close to my home. It didn’t work out.
My first proper sex experience was years later, when i was twenty-eight years old. We kissed on a New Years Eve party. I knew him, but not very well. I ended up in bed with him. First it didn’t work out. But i do remember lying awake after a failed sex attempt and waking him up and kissing him. And yes… we did it.
I wasn’t very much in love with him. We broke up after a month or two. It sounds easier than it was. I felt let down by some of my best friends, who didn’t ask me anything about my experience with sex. I broke up with them. That hurt me even more.
After that i fell in love with another man. He didn’t fall in love with me. It lasted for years. Nothing came of it.
The last couple of years i had some fleeting loves, but nothing too serious. Some men i found attractive, but i knew quickly it was no use.
This is part of my life story. I have grown up over the years. Bit by bit. With trial and error. Making the same mistakes over and over, sure.
I hope i have learned enough. Enough to make some good decisions. Do i pick a quiet and silent life or an active and public life. My heart goes to the latter life. In the midst of people, fighting for what we believe in. With all our might.