Not in love

It is Sunday morning. A bit warm. A bit cloudy. But still, the balcony door is open, the cats dozing of. A lovely morning.

I have chickpeas cooking. Beetroot in the oven. I’ll be making hummus with it in a few hours. A bit of tahin left over, but not enough. I’ll be putting some sunflower seeds in there too.

I just looked up a recipe for the sunflower seeds. I do need to roast them for around 5 – 10 minutes. They do need to be cool before you move on.

OK, done that.

I only need to add olive oil and blend them until smooth.

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I did just taste a chickpea. It is ok, but could do with a bit more cooking, for around half an hour or so.

Well, i hadn’t planned on writing about the hummus i’m about to make! I did set the category of this post to food too. I might even make a few pictures.

What i had planned was writing about not falling in love. Which is what i have planned for myself for the moment. I’m not sure though.

I came across this quote from Maya Angelou at Brain Pickings:

We need the courage to create ourselves daily, to be bodacious enough to create ourselves daily — as Christians, as Jews, as Muslims, as thinking, caring, laughing, loving human beings. I think that the courage to confront evil and turn it by dint of will into something applicable to the development of our evolution, individually and collectively, is exciting, honorable.

The courage to create yourself daily. That does speak to me. I do realize that posting this on this blog makes it open for others to see. That is my own choice. It forces me to keep on working on it. And i don’t mind. Well, not too much! Sometimes i’m embarrassed. Ouch.

It is difficult. I treasure the time at home. To listen to music. To watch tv. To read. Not as much as i would like, but still! To watch youtube. To read the whole internet! To cuddle my cats. To cook.

I have to reread what i wrote in my last post Work. I do try to keep things simple. But pfff, that takes much.

inbetween

It’s evening now. I didn’t do a lot of work in the garden. Nicole from the States came by and we talked for a long time about the garden, about why we work there, what we buy in a supermarket and other things. I showed her around. It was raining the whole time, but not cold, so i didn’t really mind that much. Once i was wet anyway.

I watched a bit of television. Grand Designs, De grote verbouwing, i love to watch. I had already seen the episode, but i still watched it.

Then i danced.

That was quite a few weeks, since i last danced. Took some time to get into it. I always dance with other people in my mind. People from the garden popped up. Marijn was there too, Liorah, Jeroen, Carolien. I was inviting them to come to dance with me. It was good.

And then the thought hit me. I should fill up my life. I should be as happy as i can be. Time alone is part of that, of course. But i also love to be with other people. Simply talk with them. Enjoy life.

I do not know everything. I have so many things to learn.

But i do realize that the past year and a half i’ve been happy, all by myself. In a very quiet way. Other people will have hardly noticed it. i’m sure. But yes, the Turkish man selling big potatoes and kebab on the market has noticed it. People eating chips at the side of the library have noticed it.

So yes, fill up my life with the things i want to do. Be as happy as i possibly can.

😀

Ooh, the title of this post. Yes, not fall in love. If i can. 😉

Published on May 30, 2016 at 6:00 by

1 Comment

  • Carolien says:

    Thank you Ellen, for this. For inviting me and Jeroen in your dancing. The two of us don’t dance often enough anyway. The courage to create your life daily. I like it. Lieve groet, Carolien

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