Today i worked on my new videoclip, My House. It’s filmed in my house. My cats, Mieke and Muis are playing in it. I filmed some more today. I played with the order of the clips, how long each clip lasts. I still need to decide if i’m gonna use some transitions. Not sure about that. Maybe only in a couple of places. Hopefully i’ll be done tomorrow.

I also had a hair mask with coconut oil. This morning i warmed up around three spoons of the oil and warmed it up. I put it up on my my hair, clipped it tight and spend the next two to three hours with my hair oily. After that i took a shower and washed my hair. It’s still slightly damp. It does feel good though! Worth the repeat.

I also read some more Harry Potter.The fifth book, with that ghastly teacher Umbridge. It’s fun to read. I admit, i’ve seen the movies more often that i’ve read the books. But, it does make reading the book more interesting. Seeing the differences and similarities. Fun to read.

The weather this week is glorious. Sunny, a slight wind, around 18ºC. Lovely!

And that is it for now. Enjoy your Thursday!

Published on October 1, 2015 at 6:00 by


Money is any item or verifiable record that is generally accepted as payment for goods and services and repayment of debts in a particular country or socio-economic context, or is easily converted to such a form.

Money. This subject is too large to handle in a single post. So i will not try that. I did categorize this post in World. The second one besides my series of people of interest to me in the world. In rest at the moment.

I spend an hour this morning being livid. Angry. Grrrrrrrrrrr. Listening to music, daydreaming. Daydreaming of sitting on the edge of a stage talking to David Bowie. Yeah… this is mainly a way to get my thoughts clear. Sorry David. No offense!

I finally stood up, sat behind my computer and did a search for money. The first page i read is I still have this page open in a tab. I did go through the Gold Bar page, Gold as an investment, Diamonds as an investment, Palladium as an investment and Alternative investment.

An alternative investment is an investment in asset classes other than stocks, bonds, and cash. The term is a relatively loose one and includes tangible assets such as precious metals, art, wine, antiques, coins, or stamps and some financial assets such as real estate, commodities, private equity, distressed securities, hedge funds, carbon credits, venture capital, film production and financial derivatives.

The past months i was thinking about the time when i will get rich. Gold seemed to me the first asset to invest in. Precious stones popped up next. Diamonds, rubies, emeralds, sapphires. Pearls. Opals. Real estate: houses or apartments in Rotterdam, London, New York. People: providing the means to enable people to work, to create.

That was always my dream. When i would win the big prize in the lottery, i would set up a house in the center of Rotterdam. On the top floor i would live. The two bottom floors would be for work. Computers mainly, but also meeting space. A coffee bar at the front perhaps? Not that it ever happened, but still.


Time has moved on. I’m actually quite poor right now. To be honest, i have a thousand euros for the month of October left. That is it. It does scare me at times. I still feel i’m consciously steering myself towards an end. With precision. I can not let go. I can not go any other way. It is scary to openly talk about it. I hardly see my friends. Right now i still buy things like expensive nail polish. I drink coffee and have carrot cake. I simply refuse to give in. I refuse to feel desperate. I feel my hands on the steering wheel and i know it is almost time.

I hope.

If not, if i’m wrong, i will lend a bit of money and go search for a job. Plan B.

I probably should worry more about my situation. I remember one time i read a definition of manic depression. The last couple of months the similarity with a manic period did cross my mind. The need for sleep is usually reduced. But i’m not excessively happy. I hardly talk about myself. Outwardly i’m calm, relaxed. I do smile more, i do feel happy. I do try and say hello to people i meet on the streets. But i’m careful. It feels that way!

My work, this website, is of the utmost importance to me. Yes. I do mean that. So far, i haven’t been able to see far ahead with the work i’ve made. I do realize the presents i made on are receding into the background. It is songs and videoclips now. Both are new. Both are still very young. Very tentative. I love the singing, but i really need to learn so much more. I also love the videoclips. I’m a bit more adept with them. A bit more at ease. A bit more familiar ground.

So yes, i’m working. Not for money, but for myself. To make the things i want to make. And that makes me so happy. So i wouldn’t give up this time for any money. I do feel i need to continue, need to work, need to make these clips, sing these songs. And that somehow, in a few weeks time, i’ll arrive at the other end. I’ll succeed. I feel the trust in me, in myself, that it will work out. I still have a bit of time.

So yeah. Money. I know you do need it, in this world. But right now, it is of no importance to me. It is all about my work.


Published on September 30, 2015 at 6:00 by

Écorce Sanguine

Finally i got the best nail polish of this autumn in my possession. A bit weird though. I was called last Friday that the collection was finally in the store, and when i said i was after the warm red nail polish Écorce Sanguine, i was told that it wasn’t included yet. It would arrive this monday, today, after three o’clock. When i arrived today at the store, the Bijenkorf, it became clear that the Écorce Sanguine was the one polish that had arrived last friday. Confusing. But still, it was there, i bought it, it’s absolutely wonderful!

Ècorce Sanguine means Blood Bark. I just looked it up. It is a warm deep red with a golden shimmer. The shimmer shows in the sunlight only. On the nails it’s hardly visible. The nail polish covers the nails completely with only one coat.

Too bad my nails are so short. Last week i had them a few millimeters longer, but almost every single one split on me and i had to clip them a lot shorter. But i still love the way they look!

I love this color and the finish of this nail polish. A new favourite!


The slight yellow tinge on my nails is from the fresh root kurkuma i put in my dinner just before i made these photos. I do apologize!

Published on September 29, 2015 at 6:00 by

Especially for you

Especially for you. Performed by Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan. Written and produced by Stock Aitken Waterman. I love this song. Always have. From the start. I have the single!

The song was released in November 1988.

It is of course a song about love working out. The two lovers are back together. This seems to be the moment in which they talk about the past, how hard it was for them and how they both maintained their resolution to stick together. Finally, they somehow got back together and they rejoice in their love for each other.

If only life could be that simple. 🙂

Especially for you – Kylie & Jason
Especially for you
I wanna let you know what I was going through
All the time we were apart, I thought of you

You were in my heart
My love never changed
I still feel the same

Especially for you
I wanna tell you I was feeling that way too
And if dreams were wings
You know, I would have flown to you

To be where you are
No matter how far
And now that I’m next to you

No more dreaming about tomorrow
Forget the loneliness and the sorrow
I’ve gotta say, it’s all because of you

And now we’re back together, together
I wanna show you, my heart is oh so true
And all the love I have is especially for you

Especially for you
I wanna tell, you mean all the world to me
How I’m certain that our love was meant to be

You changed my life
You showed me the way
And now that I’m next to you

I’ve waited long enough to find you
I wanna put all the hurt behind you
And I wanna bring out all the love inside you

Oh, and now we’re back together, together
I wanna show you, my heart is oh so true
And all the love I have is especially for you

You were in my heart
My love never changed

No more dreaming about tomorrow
Forget the loneliness and the sorrow
I’ve gotta say, it’s all because of you

And now we’re back together, together
I wanna show you, my heart is oh so true
And all the love I have is especially for you

Together, together
I wanna show you, my heart is oh so true
And all the love I have is especially for you

Together, together
I wanna show you, my heart is oh so true
And all the love I have is especially for you

The original videoclip

A Top of the Pops version 🙂

Published on September 28, 2015 at 6:00 by

Rotterdam – The Kralingse Bos

Monday i walked in the Kralingse Bos. I filmed trees, the water, mushrooms and so many things more. The rest of the week i edited this videoclip.

I truly love it. The filming, the editing.

This together with the singing is what i like doing the most. There are so many steps forward to be made still. I see that. But right now i do feel so happy having found this work. I’m beginning to get a view on what i can do with this. I’m simply enjoying this feeling, not thinking about the practical issues at all. To have finally found something that will last.


Published on September 25, 2015 at 6:00 by


A quiet day today. I did work on the videoclip. It does look good. Tomorrow i’ll do the finishing touches.

Went to the supermarket to get catty litter and bread and eggs and chocolate chip cookies and a bottle of wine.

Read more Harry Potter. Nearly done with the second book.

Also thought a bit more. About myself, about my life, what i want.

Tonight it’s Great British Bake Off time. Partly the reason i bought the wine.

Enjoy your day!

Published on September 24, 2015 at 6:00 by

A Tuesday in Rotterdam

This morning i worked on the videoclip Het Kralingse Bos. I made a definite choice about the music. I love it. It brings tears in my eyes. I also added all the separate clips, edited most of them to their best moment. I’m thinking now about the final order of the clips. I’ll work on that part tomorrow. So far, it looks good on getting all of this done at the end of Thursday.

I did go to the market. I bought some chips with mayo and ate them sitting on the stones outside of the central library. An older woman sat next to me while i was eating. We talked a bit. She said it was very crowded at the market. I said i hadn’t been there yet. I bought the chips first. She said it was from Bram Ladage. But i said it wasn’t, it was from Rob van Klaveren. She smiled. She also complained about the refugees entiring our country. I tried to explain to her that it weren’t that many people. I also said to her that you shouldn’t take the news at face value. I doubt though she really heard me. We also talked about the lack of lights on the freeways. Since i don’t have a driver’s license, it’s hard for me to say anything sensible about that. I did say to her that i thought that the freeway, once you’re on it, seems to me one of the safest places to drive. That cars do have their own lights anyway. I don’t think she agreed with me. I don’t think anything i said made an impact really. After i finished my chips, i said my goodbyes and went to the market and bought some veggies. To be honest, i didn’t think it was too crowded there anyway.

I worked a bit more when i got back home. I read a bit. Started with Harry Potter! I do enjoy the first book. I like the language. The way J.K. Rowlings uses it to define the world of wizards, dragons, three-headed dogs. It is very much a dream come true for Harry. The food in the book seems amazing!

This evening i watched some tv. I think i will watch the Dutch show Newshour, starting in around 15 minutes. I’m following the news about Volkswagen. They made software where the emission of harmful materials was diminished in a test situation. This Monday Volkswagen lost 20% at the stock-exchange. Today, Tuesday, they lost another 20%. I am curious about the details of this story. Volkswagen seems to me one of the core German industries. How did they come to installing this software in their cars. Even making it? Curious to see how this will pan out.

Enjoy your day! Seeya tomorrow 🙂

Published on September 23, 2015 at 6:00 by

A walk through the Kralingse Bos

It does feel like this journey i set out on a year ago is finally getting somewhere. The clip i made last week is not the best ever, but to me it is the first clip i ever made. The first of many. Yes! It was such a joy working on it. Over the weekend i slept a bit better. I also do start to feel different. Happier. More at ease. Not sure how to describe it really.

So today, monday 21 September, the very first day of autumn, i spend walking through the Kralingse Bos. Taking clips all over the place. Of the trees. The leaves. The sky. The mushrooms. The water. I spend some time talking to a person sitting in the car close to the sheep herd. I saw that herd the last time i walked through the forest, a week and a half ago. The thought that crossed my mind then was that i liked seeing the sheep there. I felt it was like a different kind of keeping the grasses and other plants a bit shorter. This time i walked up to them. I saw the sheep, the dog sitting besides the car and a man sitting in the car. We talked for a short bit. It was indeed what i suspected, the sheep were rotated through the park and grazed the various lands they were put on. The goal was to get them all around the park for two or three times. Sometimes when a land was flowering a lot they were not allowed there. Or other plants they – pretty sure they are the forest keepers and other people supervising it – don’t want in the forest that much. He said the name of one such plants, but i confes, i forgot. He also said there are orchids blowing in the forest. Close to the golf course. A place i haven’t seen yet. Another plant he also named was the leper lily, the kievietsbloem in Dutch. A flower which is extinct in Belgium and only grows in a few areas in the Netherlands. So yeah, it’s pretty special it is growing in the Kralingse Bos. He also talked a bit about all the different sorts of people he meets walking in the forest. Some are looking out for birds, birds of prey even, others look out for flowers. Yes, I did learn a bit!

I also sat at the water for a while. There was a bit of sunshine, only high clouds. I listened to the water lapping. I looked at the water’s continuous change of shapes. Mesmerizing.

When i got back home again, i made me some tea. I did copy the clips from my phone to my computer. All 72 ones. I also picked the music. Classical this time, from Rudolf Escher. Tomorrow i will listen to some other pieces from him. I do want to get the right piece. But anyway, i will work on it for the rest of the week. I do hope it will be done by Friday, but i’m not sure of course.

Time to go to bed now. Good night sweeties!

Published on September 22, 2015 at 6:00 by

I don’t know how to love him

I saw the movie Jesus Christ Superstar twice in the early 70s. With my mum. I was around nine years old. At home we had the soundtrack. I played it so many times. I sang along with it. This song was one of my loves. It has faded over the years. But i do remember that one time friends of mine turned it on and talked about it. They loved it too!

I did add the entire soundtrack to my Spotify playlists, but i didn’t listen to it yet. I hope i have time for it soon. If only for old times’ sake.

I don’t know how to love him – Yvonne Elliman
I don’t know how to love him
What to do, how to move him
I’ve been changed yes really changed
In these past few days when I’ve seen myself
I seem like someone else

I don’t know how to take this
I don’t see why he moves me
He’s a man he’s just a man
And I’ve had so many men before
In very many ways he’s just one more

Should I bring him down? Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love? Let my feelings out?
I never thought I’d come to this
What’s it all about?

Don’t you think it’s rather funny
I should be in this position
I’m the one who’s always been
So calm, so cool, no lover’s fool
Running every show, he scares me so

I never thought I’d come to this
What’s it all about

Yet if he said he loved me, I’d be lost, I’d be frightened
I couldn’t cope, just couldn’t cope

I’d turn my head, I’d back away
I wouldn’t want to know
He scares me so, I want him so
I love him so

The original from the movie

Published on September 21, 2015 at 6:00 by

Rotterdam – Around the house

My first clip! Finally! Yay!

I love the music. I’ve known Ed Lincoln for like 10 – 13 years. Marijn once sat behind my computer and added music he felt i missed. Ed Lincoln was in that list. I’m happy there is no singing in it. It’s happy music. Which is how i feel right now.

This is my first proper videoclip. I still have to learn many many things. This week i learned a lot about iMovie, about making clips. I didn’t use many transitions. I liked to keep things simple for starters. I am already thinking about my next videoclip project. Once the weather is a bit better, i probably will do one around the Kralingse Plas. But there are also other options: the beach, Delft, the Rottemeren. I’ll let it sit there for a while and decide later on.

For now, i hope you will enjoy this clip.


Published on September 18, 2015 at 6:00 by