In each one of you there is a hidden being, still in the deep sleep of childhood. Bring it to life! In each one of you there is a call, a will, an impulse of nature, an impulse toward the future, the new, the higher. Let it mature, let it resound, nurture it! Your future is not this or that; it is not money or power, it is not wisdom or success at your trade — your future, your hard dangerous path is this: to mature and to find God in yourselves.
I went into town. First i brought away the bag full of plastics. On the big bin i read that from December on we could throw away our plastic stuff in the general bins. So i threw away the bag as well. After that i went into the Gimsel. I came across someone i knew from the garden just before i entered. Nice. In the shop i bought a bamboo toothbrush and toothpaste. I went on. At the HEMA i bought half a rookworst with mustard. Yum. This Saturday i walked past the Bijenkorf and noticed the brand the Ordinary. I have heard of this through some youtube channels i follow, mainly skincare and not expensive. I did a search for the best products for me. I picked up Niacimanide 10% + Zinc 1% (€6) and the Organic Cold-Pressed Rose Hip Seed Oil (€10). To start with. I walked on. I was a still a bit peckish. So i walked on to Kiem Foei and got me a small soto soup without the egg. Yum. I stared out on the street, watching the people walking through the rain. I looked at the Gouvernestraat. I realised i was close to the Marqt. I needed new shampoo and conditioner. so i walked up there. In the store i talked to two people who work there. Before the store moved two years ago i bought quite a few things there. They told me the store will be closing 3 January 2020. Hmmm. I walked on. The Van Oldenbarneveltstraat. The Karel Doormanstraat. The Aert van Nesstraat. The Meent. In the Jumbo on the Botersloot. Bought ecological sunflower oil and heavy cream. Walked on towards home.
Having a couple of days of being happy. Simply happy. I don’t feel like adding much to this. I’ll be back working here for sure. Just for now, nothing much to say or show.
Nothing much happened today. I did some shopping. Bought some veggies. Chocolate. Read some more. Played some warcraft. I felt quiet. Peaceful. Yeah 🙂
The past few days i’ve had some talks with friends about some things on my mind. Some things happening in the past, some things only a few weeks ago. Later on i realized i was wrong. Wrong in telling the stories like i did. Wrong i what i said. Damn. I do my best, but it is difficult. I make mistakes. Every single day.
I have had major failures in my life. I messed up a lot. From way back when i was eight or ten or twelve or fourteen or whenever. Some are still clear signs. My working in London. A failure in one sense. Halfway decent in another. My breaking up with friends. Also a major failure. Several times in my life too.
I am getting a bit better in controlling myself and how i behave with other people. I like to listen. Give ti time. Let people talk about what is on their mind. Listen carefully. With attention. I still fail at it, at times. But it does work sometimes.
I know. I have to let it go. I have to accept myself. Accept the world for what it is. Accept my life for what it has become. Fight for change. Ask questions, sure. Stay close to me.
Find some peace.