Eight years of silence

The eight years were only silent for you. To me they were pretty normal. But i did miss making presents. It wasn’t in the forefront of my mind the whole time, but it did pop up.

I have the present ‘to do’ open in another window. Here is a part of what i wrote in 2009:

Writing about making presents feels awkward. It has been a long time. Really, it feels like when i started out in 1997, not sure what step to take next. But i’ve moved on, and i know there is only one way out through the hesitation. Start working!

[…]

As for the past years of silence. I’m not sure i need to explain myself really. I simply didn’t feel like making presents, i had no inspiration, no ideas. As ever, i’m not sure how this will move on. The idea though is to focus on making presents primarely for the iPhone. I’ve been reading about it a lot over the past month and it started to itch. So i’m starting to scratch again.

Well, i knew how to get out of the hesitation. It just took me a bit longer than i expected. And the iPhone idea didn’t work at all.

What i didn’t know of course was that i would loose my job in 2010. The company i worked at was sold to another company. All my colleagues spread out to other companies. I did work at the new company for like nine months or so, but that just wasn’t for me. And then i started to work for myself. I managed, kind of.

I did talk about this earlier. The last time on the About page on lfs.nl. So i won’t get into it anymore.

The feeling i had last year in October, the feeling of a slight breeze around me going into the direction i want to go, that feeling i do remember clearly. I still have that feeling. And the wind is getting stronger.

I hope i’m not wrong, not mistaken. I hope it’s not only my imagination. I can not talk about this with other people. It’s crazy. Crazy! One hour i’m in a fantasy, the other hour i’m here and i say exactly that. Crazy! And i know i gotta work, do my best, see where this will get me. And no, i don’t have anyone to talk to. No friends. Only a few far away, from old times. Whose lives have continued. And mine has stopped.

So i’m in this in between time and in between place. My mind does turn easily between here and there. Between now and then.

So yeah, i need to work. Work hard. Take pictures. Write something. Not sit on the couch and listen to music and dream away.

Ellen, do it!