The truest artist is the most feigning

It feels to me like i’ve come to a conclusion. I know i’ve been there before. It’s not a big surprise to me, it’s something i’ve known all along. But i do feel i might just be able to really go through with it. Being an artist.

With everything in me that was always keeping me back, my shyness, my aloneness, my searching, my findings. I do still feel the wind blowing for me, not against me.

I don’t know what is gonna happen in the future. But i do feel like i’ve sown many seeds and some of them will bloom, absolutely. It’s not a vague feeling.

But right now, i’m tired. I do have a slight headache. The whole day. So i’m gonna go try to get a bit more sleep. Last night i slept ok, up until like four in the morning. It was a bit better than the night before. But still, awake for quite some time. I’m still tired.

Have a good day!

Published on August 27, 2015 at 6:00 by

Sleepy

Last night i only slept a bit towards the end. Today i spend some time in bed, reading. Now i’m just really sleepy and tired.

So that’s it for today. I’m going to bed, go through my blogs, through my youtube subscriptions, play a little solitaire, read in the Peter Hamilton book. And hopefully fall asleep and don’t let the dreams get to me like they did yesterday. I mean, it’s sort of nice, but it’s also taking a lot of energy from me.

Goodnight sweeties 🙂

Seeya tomorrow!

12:48
Awake. Made breakfast, two rye spelt slices of bread with butter, bacon and parmesan omelet. Listening to music. Singing along with the songs i know, Motor from Jewelz, Sparks. I like this song, i really do.

15:34
Another song! I only added this one a couple of months ago. I discovered i truly love this song. Here goes!

D’Angelo – Untitled (How does it feel)

18:09
Making a salad for dinner. A red bellpepper, spring onions, a bit of rocket, some cottage cheese, a boiled egg, green asparagus. A slice of bread on the side. I’m hungry!

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18:48
No slide of bread on the side, but i will have one with a cup of tea in half an hour or so. With apple butter on it. I had look up the translation for the Dutch word appelstroop. Apple butter doesn’t feel right, but i’m also not sure it’s actually known in the UK. I did do a search for ‘apple butter’, and the photos with the recipes don’t look like our apple butter at all. Ours is simple. Cook the apples, get the juice and cook that together with sugar. You can buy it in all supermarkets! Ooh, and you also have pear butter. Nice too. 🙂

Published on August 26, 2015 at 6:00 by

Dark purple glittery nails

Today i painted my nails.

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A dark purple, Vendetta, from Chanel. This a purple black polish with a slight silver sheen. This polish covers with one layer. Excellent!
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Mad as a Hatter from OPI is from the Alice in Wonderland collection. It is a limited edition. From a distance it looks grey, but up close you see silver, orange, red, purple, green and blue glitters. It is possible to coat your nails completely, but i did choose to put on the Vendetta first and then one layer of the glitter polish. Loving it!
Published on August 25, 2015 at 6:00 by

It’s a fine day

The main a cappella song i know, Jane’s It’s a fine day. It was on a disc sampler i used to have, The eyes of Barbara Steele. I might have lended this album out. I don’t remember to be honest. I did go though my whole vinyl collection but i couldn’t find it.

I do enjoy this song. I did find more people have covered it, but this version i do really love. Because it is a cappella. It was heard to find good lyrics for this song, there wasn’t one with the right verses and la la la’s and hm hm hmm’s in it. I did sing it from my memory, after having sung it with her a couple of times. I don’t think it is exactly the same, but i do really enjoy singing it.

It’s not too bad. In my humble opinion. 🙂 Enjoy!

It’s a fine day
Jane
It’s a fine day
People open windows
They leave their houses
Just want a short walk

They look at the grass
They look at the sky

It’s going to be a fine night tonite
It’s going to be a fine day tomorrow

La la la la la dee da la la
La la la la la da la la la
La la la la la dee da la la
La la la la la da la la la
La la la la la dee da la la
La la la la la da la la la
La la la la la dee da la la
La la la la la da la la la

Sitting in this field
I remember how we are going to sit in this field
But never quite did
Rain or appointment or something
Rain or appointment

Hm hm hm hm hm hmmm

It’s a fine day
People open windows
They leave their houses
Just for a short walk

They look at the grass
They look at the sky

It’s going to be a fine night tonite
It’s going to be a fine day tomorrow

We will have salad

The original

Published on August 24, 2015 at 6:00 by

Old drawings

These drawings i made in art school in the first and second year. Most in the first i guess, but it is a long time ago, so the memory is a bit faded. I got these drawings from the attic today and went through them. There are loads more, but these are the ones which i liked best.

It starts with a series of drawings i made with pastel crayons. I do remember working on these, sitting at home in the front room and being completely focused on making these drawings. It wasn’t like i knew what i was making, it was just the excitement i felt at the time and the pressure i felt of making these drawings. I can still see it in the drawings themselves.

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The one photo with three drawings on them next, most likely made with gouache paint. A dark with a little blue in the top one. These were made with gestures and making a solid mass with paper on top of the paper so you would get those cut-out shapes.

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The next series is one made with gouache paint as well. I made these at school. I folded the paper and painted different colours on the different sides of the folded paper. I don’t remember how i made the ones with a rounded interior shape. These were made with colours all painted all over each other. I remember the class i got this assignment in. I went in a completely different way than the other students. I remember the paint dripping of the table, as i was working with all these layers.

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A drawings of a mountain and a lake with a swan in it. There is also a moon or a sun in the sky. I always thought of this swan as being me. I know, fairy tales!

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A drawing of a large quadrilateral shape filled with pencil. Still love making these shapes. I made several of these on lfs in flash. I played around with different random generated fillings and fillings made by the people watching. Still enjoying this. I should check how to make this in html and/or canvas.

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The last drawings i used much earlier in homebase. They are the the Girl with a Pearl Earring from Johannes Vermeer. I should make a separate post on Vermeer, i still love his work. The middle drawing is a selfportrait. The last one is a drawing of Whitney Houston.

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Published on August 21, 2015 at 6:00 by

Tumblr

Over the past months i was thinking on how to make a bit more publicity for ellenpronk.com. It is harder now than it was fifteen years ago. There are many more people online yes, but they are also more set in their ways, not venturing out as much as they used to.

I had made an account at tumblr. When i check the activity page, it seems i made it this year, 29 January. I do remember looking around, while i was working on the design of ellenpronk.com. I was thinking then of maybe starting a blog there. But it just seemed to me too limited. So i went ahead and started this blog on ellenpronk.com. A domain i had for several years already.

But, yesterday, i searched around a bit. I didn’t like the bloglovin’ community. The way you had to register there just seemed to me too much hassle. I also wasn’t sure it would be the right community for my website. Then i did some searches for tumblr in combination with wordpress. The thought came up after i saw Rookie had a tumblr place, in which they simply posted a shorter version of their original post with a link.

So yesterday i started out. I already had made a blog in January, my first post went up yesterday. I’m not going to be using any plugin for it, i will pick from ellenpronk.com and lfs.nl quotes, photo’s, video’s and audio and post these to tumblr. In these two days i did make 6 posts. That will slow down of course over the next few days. So far, i’m enjoying myself. I do have so many items to choose from, it feels like i’m in a candy store and can pick anything without any charge.

If you are reading this, you are already on the place i want you to be. But still, do check it out if you please, you can see it at ellenpronk.tumblr.com. Enjoy!

Published on August 20, 2015 at 6:00 by

My bookcase

I don’t buy that many books. Partly it is the cost. Partly it is because i don’t read that much usually. I still have some books i haven’t read yet. They are on my list!

The bookcase in my front room has my main books in it. I’ll go through them.

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A tiny book from Remco Campert called Fabeltjes vertellen. Little stories with language games and mazes in them. Another tiny book, Faust from Goethe. Never read this, i do know its world famous, just.. too tiny letters.

James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man and Ulysses. It’s been years since i read these books. I didn’t finish Ulysses, i’m ashamed to say. I did enjoy reading it till around three quarters. I know i should finish it.

Jonathan Safran Foer. Extremely loud & Incredibly close and Everything is Illuminated. These two books didn’t really stick. I enjoyed reading them, but that is about it.

Ian McEwan, Atonement. Brett Eaton Ellis, Lunar Park.

Jonathan Franzen, The Corrections. I also had his book Freedom, but last year, when i was reading it, i left it on the train station.

David Foster Wallace, Everything and more, Infinite Jest. I did read Everything and more this year. I had to brighten my math knowledge, which had sunken deep since i went to school. Infinite Jest is still on my list of to read books. I did try, but it is a hard book. One day i’ll be able to read it fully.

A.S.Byatt, Possession, Babel Tower. Dom DeLillo, Underworld. John Irving, A widow for one year, A son of the circus. Vikram Seth, A suitable boy.

Salman Rushdie. A discovery in the late 80s. I first read Shame. I don’t have that book myself. Which make me think now i should actually get it. I loved it. Midnight’s Children i read after that. Wonderful. Satanic Verses i loved too. His later books i didn’t think of that much to be honest. But still.

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Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead. A borrowed book i never returned. I read this book i think when i was around 18 years old. I did reread it a couple of times.

Edwin Abbott Abbott, Flatland. A birthday present. Should reread it again. Great book.

Jung Chang, Wild Swans. I think i read this book when i was on holidays on Crete in 1993. My first acquaintance with Chinese history of the 20th century. Pretty shocking.

Paul Ford, Gary Benchley, rock star. I’ve been a fan of ftrain.com since i got to know it, i’m guessing around 1999. The main reason i bought his book yes. I do love his posts. This year his post on What is code? was published on Bloomberg.com.

Jeannette Winterson, The Power Book, Sexing the Cherry, The Passion. George Perec, Het leven een gebruiksaanwijzing, not read yet. Per Olov Enquist, Het bezoek van de lijfarts.

Umberto Eco, In de naam van de roos, Baudolino. I read the first book on holidays when i was 19 years old. Loved it then.

Thomas Mann, De Toverberg. A classic. Should reread this.

Italo Svevo, Een geslaagde grap. August Strindberg, Aan open zee. Adrienne Rich, Poems 1950-1984. Thomas Rosenboom, Publieke Werken. Harry Mulisch, De zaak 40/61. Jan Wolkers, De perzik van onsterfelijkheid. Gerard Reve, Nader tot u, Op weg naar het einde. Bob den Uyl, Quatro Primi, De bloedende trein. A.F.Th. van der Heijden, Advocaat van de hanen. Multatuli, Max Havelaar.

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Philosophy and non-fiction books.

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Youth and young adult books. Thea Beckman, Tonke Dragt, J.K. Rowlings Harry Potter series, Philip Pullman and Astrid Lindgren.

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My cook books.

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My art books.

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Vinyl.

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Vinyl, singles, Tolkien, my Asterix comics and Kuifje comics.

Published on August 19, 2015 at 6:00 by

Psycho Killer

In 1980 i bought Remain in Light, the fourth album by the Talking Heads. In the months after this i bought the previous three, 77, More songs about buildings and food and Fear of music. I loved them all. Remain in Light is still one of my favourite albums ever.

Psycho Killer was on their first album 77. I never really thought much about the meaning of the song. I do know it is supposed to be about a killer. The French bits i always liked, simple enough to be understandable. There is just this great rhythm (the bass!) and strong drive running through the whole song. A great song.

My version is based on the Stop Making Sense movie, directed by Jonathan Demme. I watched this movie again last week, singing along half the songs. 🙂

Psycho Killer
Talking Heads
I can’t seem to face up to the facts
I’m tense and nervous and I can’t relax
I can’t sleep ’cause my bed’s on fire
Don’t touch me I’m a real live wire

Psycho killer
Qu’est-ce que c’est?
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far far better
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run away

Psycho killer
Qu’est-ce que c’est?
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far far better
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run away

You start a conversation you can’t even finish it
You’re talkin’ a lot but you’re not sayin’ anything
When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed
Say something once, why say it again?

Psycho killer
Qu’est-ce que c’est?
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far far better
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run away

Psycho killer
Qu’est-ce que c’est?
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far far better
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run away

Ce que j’ai fait ce soir-la
Ce qu’elle a dit ce soir-la
Realisant mon espoir

Je me lance vers la gloire, okay
We are vain and we are blind
I hate people when they’re not polite

Psycho killer
Qu’est-ce que c’est?
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far far better
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run away

Psycho killer
Qu’est-ce que c’est?
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far far better
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run away

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

The Stop Making Sense version by the Talking Heads

Another great version

Published on August 18, 2015 at 6:00 by

What next?

Since last year i’ve been thinking about what direction i want my life to take, what i want to do with my life, how i want to live. I was lucky i could take that time out. I was lucky i had the money to do so.

I don’t have definitive answers. Nothing clear cut. I do know what i do not want. But i’m not sure i can live like that.

I do know i want to keep on working on ellenpronk.com. It is not always my best work, but it is still a steady stream of work, thoughts, memories. Sometimes very little stories. Sometimes big stories. I still make five updates a week, published at six AM in the morning, CET.

I’ve been through my history. Through my old work from art school. Through my old work from lfs.nl. It is a special sort of work, doing this each day.

I love the walks. I love taking photos. I love going out there and being all alone in the Dutch landscape or the Dutch city. I love going out at the beach, at the polder, at the water, at the harbour, at the river, the grasslands. Looking out and taking it all in.

I love the singing! I know, i need to learn so much! But i’m so happy i’m finally doing it. I’ve been singing for so long, but never for other people. And now i finally am able to sing. It’s sort of difficult to sing a cappella, there is no escape, nothing to hide behind. But i still love it. Even though i find it hard to listen to.

I do hope i will keep up, i do hope my best work is still to come. I do hope people will find me.

I do hope i will bring a bit of joy, for you.

Published on August 17, 2015 at 6:00 by

Lazy

  • reading Dune, in book four now
  • enjoying the warmth
  • going to see my mum tomorrow
  • will walk from the train station to her house, an hours, hour and a half walk, will take photo’s now
  • love watching the Great British Menu, in week 2
  • love the Great British Bake Off series 6!
  • still thinking about my life, what road to take, i can’t just sit here and wait for something to happen, it’s hard though, i’m not sure what to do
Published on August 14, 2015 at 6:00 by