Myself in this world

The past eight years have been eventful for me. I sold my house. I lived of the money i got from that. Now i’m nearing the end of my money.

I don’t know why i stay as calm as i do. Sometimes i do get nervous, anxious, scared. Mostly not. I should be so much more worried. Trying to find a job, to make some money to tie myself over. Make my life work.

This is not about me proving myself. This is not about me winning in any way. There is nothing to win, nothing to loose. But it is about me being truthful to myself, with all my heart. Doing the things i love to do, with all my heart.

Source: My future

I have spend my life to work on this website. With very little to show for it to be truthful. I want to be truthful to myself. This is so difficult. What does my heart want? A boyfriend? Is that it? True love? Someone to spend my life with, with all its difficulties and miscommunications? Someone to utterly love, despite all the hassles and confusions that will exist between us?

I don’t know anymore where and when i may find this person. I never knew anyway. I can only live my life as good as i can. Even if i completely fail at it.

Completely fail.

Published on June 7, 2022 at 6:00 by

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