I have grown older over the years. I see the wrinkles in my face. My thinning brows. It’s not all as smooth as it once was. I do find that difficult. Just yet, i made photos of my face. I opened them in photoshop and i have to keep myself from adding a blur filter. Don’t do that!
I’m happy the eczema around my mouth is finally disappearing though.
I do get older. Luckily! I do feel quieter in myself. I feel more aware. Aware of what happens inside of me and outside of me. I’m thinking. All the time.
The past five years have been very thought provoking. It started with me falling in love. I’m still not sure why that happened. I am happy that it was very inconsequential. Very dreamlike. Not real. Apart from my own feelings. It gave me the opportunity to think about myself, to dissect myself. Take away all these parts i thought was me, to find out it is not.
I’m trying to live the best life i can imagine. With friends around me, activities which makes me happy. Doing something worthwhile. And yes, working on this website is worthwhile for me. It is my diary. A place in which i can play around, express thoughts, show photos, drawings. Whatever i want. It is not high art. But i do love it myself. Working in the garden is also important. The people i meet there are friends.
I do long for somebody to be close with. Somebody to share my life with. Desperately. Somebody to be friends with. Be silent with.
I still do.