Getting there… a bit anyway.
The past weeks i’ve been thinking at times. Sometimes not thinking at all. I felt numb a few times. I told here it was hard.
The past two years and a half i have been working hard here on this website and on lfs.nl. I dived into my past. I have shown you my old drawings, photos i used to make of myself. I have made walks. I worked in the garden. I cooked. I sang songs. I made video clips. Not all successful, no, but i made everything with my heart.
I know i got to deal with myself first. My head full of dreams. It is hard to get away from them. Especially at night. These dreams are becoming more real. It is not that i can make my head empty and live my life completely without dreams, without wishes, without hopes. That is the main reason i’m tempted by meditation. Not completely without, but still at times the serenity of silence. The quietness of a silent mind. Very tempting. So yes, i will keep on going forward with meditation.
And me? My life? The money i need to live in my apartment, to buy food. I hope it will sort itself out. Eventually.
Have a good weekend. Smile at people. Cook. Take some rest.