On the other hand

Rereading yesterday’s post. Hmmm.

It is straight from my heart, of course. Yet, on the other hand, i’m still happy right now being alone. My mind is racing. Each day is different.

The day i wrote the post True Love, i woke up in the morning with this thought in my mind. True love. So i did spend the day writing this. Finishing it in the evening. Rereading it in the morning and put a quick edit over it. Mainly style issues.

Then a brief moment of panic, a couple of hours later. That is where the thought for this post came up.

Yes, i do feel happy. Right now. Alone.

True love, yes, i do dream of it. And i do hope i come across someone who can appreciate my work, leave me be for when i want to. Someone to talk with, play chess with. Someone who can surprise me, and who i can surprise in the same way. And sex, not unimportantly. And tenderness, most importantly.

But for now, i am alone. Still happy.

Also, an answer to the questions i asked yesterday.

Why am i working so hard on this website?

I could easily make less posts. Once a week? Work besides it. What i have done for years. What makes this time so different? Why do i make myself crazy? Why do i go for the being penniless?

Timing.

I do mention the sledgehammer moment i had more than two years ago. This feeling of urgency i got. I have to work. Work work work! Make things. Write. Think. Express. Be there.

This feeling is getting worse and worse. I simply need to listen to it.

Now, of course, i can be wrong. I could have a fail safe. It is just, i do not have the time. I need to be ready at a certain point.

This feeling is a very personal feeling. I could let it go, but then i know i will regret that for the rest of my life. And that is something i don’t want to do to myself. I’d rather have a bit of trouble now, than that regret.

So yes, timing.

Salute, dear reader.