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Today, Thursday 25 February, i went out for a walk. I took a book with me. Tijd van Onbehagen written by Ad Verbrugge, philosophical essays about a culture adrift. Out of the heritage from my stepfather this book came to me, a couple of years back. I have been reading it slowly over the past few months. Today sitting on a bench in the park close to the Euromast in this warm springlike day in February 2021.

I walked back, went into the AH to get some salmon for dinner this evening. I treated myself to some sate with peanut sauce. Not fitting into my keto diet. There are worse things to eat though. Cakes and sweets and breads are of the menu. The sate is a bit better. And once i will give it up. Hopefully.

An ordinary day. Tomorrow, Friday 26 February, is my birthday. Not doing that much about that either. I will buy a nice bottle of wine to treat myself. And some chocolate to share with friends on the garden. That is it.

I do feel determined. To set my life in the right course, going the right way. The past few weeks i have been thinking about surrendering. Not holding on to all the things in my life right now. To yield, give up, give over. Ellen, surrender. Give up the idea you yourself shape your life. Let it be shaped by the world and the people. Scary, yes. But worth it.

Have a good weekend. Enjoy yourself. Go outside!

Salute 🙂

Published on February 26, 2021 at 6:00 by


I am not afraid to get infected with the corona virus. Most of the time i am alone. I make walks outside all by myself. I work in the garden outside where there are limited possibilities of infection. Inside i’m rarely with other people.

The COVID-19 virus is contagious. Most of us have learned in the past year what the the letter R stands for in epidemiology, if it is above 1 the disease will spread, if it is below 1 the disease will diminish. Right now there are several mutations spreading which have different contagious affects, the British, South-African and Brazilian mutation right now. The virus itself is constantly mutating. A new one can be around any time.

The current de-missionary minister of Health Hugo de Jonge was on the Dutch television answering questions about one of the current scandals in the Netherlands, the one about the security issues with data concerning people who have been tested for corona. He said that this is an unprecedented pandemic. Unprecedented.

There is a Wikipedia page with a list of all known epidemics sofar called List of epidemics. Some are small, like the 2020 novel bunyavirus outbreak in China with only 7 deaths. Others are big, like the COVID-19 pandemic worldwide with 2.2 million+ deaths so far.

But the COVID-19 pandemic is not the biggest one. There is an even bigger one currently. The HIV/AIDS pandemic from 1981 till the present has cost 35 million+ deaths so far. The influenza pandemic (‘Spanish flu’) from 1918 till 1920 cost 17 – 100 million deaths. The Third plague pandemic from 1855 till 1960 worldwide cost 12 million+ deaths. And then the one still lingering in our memory, the Black Death. From 1346 till 1353 in the areas Europe, Asia and North-Africa the Bubonic plague cost 75 to 200 million deaths, 10% till 60% of the European population.

To say the current COVID-19 pandemic is unprecedented means an unawareness of the major role diseases have played in human history for the past thousands of years. A role which will grow with the current globalization, flight movements and the destruction of nature worldwide.

Feeling safe and secure seems to me the leading motive in the current medical governmental strategies in the Netherlands, in western Europe and worldwide. This is war! We fight! We will not let this virus thingy win!

All the voices appear in the current channels of transmission: the news, twitter, facebook, the papers, the talk shows. It is extremely difficult to make up your own mind is this deafening cacophony. Me, i do my best. That is all.

I remember in April or May 2020 while walking on a street i smelled a lovely scented rose. Someone on a bike passed and yelled to me ‘hey! you will get corona from that!’ I was dumbfounded. In what world do we live where in we can not enjoy the flowers blooming and smell their enchanting scent.

Life is so worth living, so valuable, so ultimately enjoyable, so full of surprises. Yes, life is also full of failures and decay and rottenness. Life is a treasure to be cherished in all aspects.

It is difficult, of course. Not to me to make decisions. But i do think about current events and try to understand what my position is in these.

I am not closing this post with a cheering shout out yelling ‘this is the way to go’. No, i keep on thinking and puzzling. There are more thoughts hidden inside my head. Happy to see them coming outside!

Published on February 4, 2021 at 6:00 by