Not wanting

I have been thinking about not wanting anything over the years. Difficult. Impossible it seems to me at times. Conflicting thoughts run through my mind occasionally. What do i want? Money? Freedom? The world? Fame?

Almost impossible it seems to me. And, do i really want any of those things? I’m still not sure.

I would like to sing with more confidence. It does seem to me i’m getting closer to sounding like myself more. But still on my own most of the time. Expressing myself more clearly. Yes. But still scared. Aah. Not being scared of other people. Simply being myself, expressing myself, smiling, being happy. Singing, dancing. And sometimes being quiet, looking out at the world, thinking about the world. That is something i want. Being myself, not hiding anymore, like i have done for so many times for so many years.

It’s a bit like the story of The Matrix. Am i able to find the trust, the strength within myself to see through all the bullshit going on in the world. Will i be able to find the freedom to look outwards and see all the lies floating around. To uncover the truth plainly on top, but so hard to see.

Or am i just making this up? Is this world simply the way it is. Slowly growing from one phase to the other with no possible way to stop it. And what does this corona-thing really mean?

I have no idea.

Published on May 3, 2021 at 6:00 by

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