A view from afar

Thinking back on my life so far is one of my main occupations the past few weeks. Or rather, years. Some moments stand out.

The dream i had in my early twenties, or it might have been my late teens. I am not sure. In that dream i was a small child. I felt very happy. My hands were on the warm stones of a one or tow tiered steps. My mother pointed to something behind me. My father, with a camera in front of his face. Click. At that time i still had the photograph that my father made. I actually looked a bit grumpy. I couldn’t see the happiness i knew i felt. A vivid remembrance dream.

Almost a year ago i moved out of my old house. I still miss it. But i also feel it is a step i needed to take. To get myself loose from this life i was leading, stifling myself. Setting my life open to other things happening. Something unexpected. Of course, so far nothing out of the ordinary has happened yet. I still hope. I still hope i can find within myself the courage to go through with it. To do something all by myself.

I have made many mistakes.

The week in 1986 in February, the week in which i made the drawings i ended up giving to Green Gartside 5 years ago is etched into my mind. The week in which i bought the album Songs to Remember, the week in which i heard the song The “Sweetest Girl” for the very first time. While i was listening to this song i threw the coins for the I Ching and got the following lines.

Life leads the thoughtful man on a path of many windings.
Now the course is checked, now it runs straight again.
Here winged thoughts may pour freely forth in words,
There the heavy burden of knowledge must be shut away in silence.
But when two people are at one in the inmost hearts,
They shatter even the strength of iron or of bronze.
And when two people understand each other in their inmost hearts,
Their words are sweet and strong, like the fragrance of orchids.

Source: 13. T’ung Jên / Fellowship with Men ° Nine in the fifth place

I tried to get away from this week, i tried to keep my head clear. I often failed. And sometimes succeeded. Not sure which one i prefer now.

Those years i spend all alone, between 2007 and 2014. The years in which i had given up. These years made me stronger in the end.

Just a few moments of the things which to me are so personal and so important. I talked about them before. They are still with me.

Enjoy the weekend! Salute!