One of the many times i threw the I Ching, many years ago, i got the sign The Wanderer. I remember thinking, feeling, ‘this is right’. A good meaningful sign for me. For my life. Wandering. Not out and about. Not traveling. But wandering from person to person. From group to group. Not something i want to do, not something i do with intention. Something that happens to me.
The last group i fell into is the gardening group.
I love the garden. I love being in there. I love photographing it. Filming it. Working in it.
I love the people working in the garden. We talk. About our current society. About capitalism. About Marx. About the garden. About anarchy. About Mars. Terra forming Mars. Moving to Mars. No!!
But i do know a large part of me isn’t in the garden. A large part is here, in ellenpronk.com, in lfs.nl. In my photos, my movies, my drawings, my thoughts.
I am still growing up. I do feel progress. I am getting a bit more control over myself. But i still make many mistakes, many ill judgements. Learning every single day. Thinking about the day. Figuring out what to do next. Make my excuses when i need to.
I have this temporary space. A bit of money and a place to live. I am already working on a new movie. It will be a month or two i think before it is finished.
I do believe in myself. I do trust myself.
If i felt a shred of doubt, it would be over. Done for. I don’t feel that.