So i let things get to me. Not minor things, big things. My house. My family. My friends. I stopped posting. First of all, because my hosting payment is up in a week and i can not pay it. Second, because right now there are a few things happening in my life which do take my full attention.
During the last week i did change my mind. First, because a friend offered to pay for my hosting. A big thank you! Huge relief. Second, because i’m not done yet. There are still things on my mind. Quite a few i expressed in the talks i had this week. All of them were difficult. Talks in which i tried to express my thoughts. Some talks went better than others. And all left me with many thoughts to think. To feel. To see. In some i expressed some of my deepest dreams. Which felt ludicrous once i expressed them. Like, feeling that is not true. Childish. I dealt with that years ago. From the start. Sure. But still.
I’m not sure why i continue with this. All common sense tells me it is time to find a way to make money. So maybe i can keep my house. Because i know it is a downhill path i’m treading on. Best thing is to keep my house, make a small income so i can pay my monthly costs and buy some food.
I am not done yet. There are still thoughts inside me which i need to write down. Dreams which i need to talk about. Childish they may seem, but they are my dreams. I simply can not stop now. Now, when the solution seems to me around the corner. I still am not sure what this will read like, look like, sound like exactly. But it is so close. So terribly close.
So against all advice, i will keep on trying to show something here. Against all odds, i will keep on going.
Today, Sunday, i saw a double rainbow in the sky.
Today, the people in the garden worked hard.
On the herbal spiral.
On filling up the dug out paths with wood chips.
On painting the shed.
And i played ball with a young boy. Charming. 🙂