Today, Wednesday 28 September, i walked through the Kralingse Bos. First i walked past the allotments Nooitgedacht, Neverthought. Big gardens with a small little house at the end. Some people were there, some working, some talking, some lying in the sun. The gardens looked lovely. Most had a part of vegetables and a part of ornamental gardens. Flowers and pumkpins.
After this i went into the Kralingse Bos. I took a familiar route. The Verborgenlaantje, the Hidden Track. At the lake, a small inlet close to the restaurant, i sat down close to the water. I slowly laid down, my head staring up at the sky, shielded from the sun. Many thoughts ran through my mind, almost random. Thoughts of me talking with people i never met. Or only fleetingly. Thoughts of past talks i had with friends. Dream thoughts of events never happened. Also thoughts about myself, my future. Thoughts about work.
I did get some money back from the Dutch taxes, so that is what is keeping my afloat for the next month or so. I remember thinking about my talk with Soto at the garden. I do feel stable, straight. I do not see myself going homeless and getting lost. No.
I am wondering why things do take me this long.
I eat my apple. I stand up and start walking back home.
At home i lie on my couch for a while. Watching Escape to the Country. I think about my different attitude to formerly favourite tv shows. Like Expeditie Robinson. I do like the idea of this show, but the game in it i don’t like that much. I can not see myself ever joining a show like this. Also Masterchef Australia i watch, with that same feeling. It is all thought of as a tv show, with that needed tension between participants. Each and everyone going for its own advantage.
I still like The Great British Bake Off. In that show there is no direction competition between the contestants. It is all decided by the jury, Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood. So yes, this is still my favourite show right now. With the Dutch version a bit behind. I’m guessing Dutch cooks are just a bit worse than the British ones.
I watch De Wereld Draait Door.
Mars. People are mad. Crazy! Who on earth would want to go to Mars? And never come back? That barren red dusty planet? Crazy!
I had picked up some hazelnuts in the forest. I haven’t tasted them yet.
Some photos i took while lying down. The sky. The clear blue sky. Only a few clouds. Lovely.
My head is still full of thoughts. I still feel different each and every day. That is a good feeling. I feel myself growing.
I do feel myself letting go of fantasies. Even though i do know i needed them. To make me feel happy. To make me strive for something.
I feel myself looking at the world. At the news. The Clinton – Trump debate two nights ago. The Dutch prime minister Rutte. The Zero Waste Home talk on youtube. I should write a bit about that. I’ve been writing bits and pieces so far.
It is lovely weather still.
Hmm, the letting go of fantasies. A bit maybe? But at times i still have ’em. My life is getting busier, but i still have lots of time for myself. So yeah.
I wonder what will happen next.