Author Archives for Ellen

Over the next few weeks i’ll be doing my Top 4 of Best Groups in the Entire World of All Time!

Why a Top 4? Well, that is easy, those are the ones that are clear to me. I have many other favourite songs, favourite performers, favourite bands, favourite singer songwriters, but these are in a big jumble. In this group there are such greats as Michael Jackson, David Bowie, Prince, Beastie Boys, Madonna, Bjork.

But the top 4 are special. To me.

So i start with the lowest number, but still the first band who for a long period of time were my best. With songs, with songwriting, with packaging, with photography, with videos. My number 4 are the Pet Shop Boys.

I taped their first two albums around 1986 / 1987, from my neighbours living below me. They asked me to take care of their goldfish, which i did. I saw the Pet Shop Boys albums there and borrowed them.

The first album i bought was Introspective. I loved loved loved the packaging. It still is one of my ultimate favourite album sleeves. Left To my Own Devices is one of my favourite songs ever. The next album, Behaviour, was released in 1990. Being Boring has a great lyric and Bruce Weber made an excellent video with boys and girls enjoying each other. “I loved the lyrics”, he explained “and really felt it was something I wanted to be part of… in it there’s the feeling that times are different today, and the feeling of abandoness we can’t have today because of the way the world is”

Discography was the first proper CD i bought. I didn’t even have a CD-player then, but i wanted it. After their next cd, Very, it sort of stopped for me. I did buy most of their next CD’s, but to me, i’m sad to say, the magic left. Some songs i still enjoyed though. The song they wrote for Robbie Williams, No Regrets, i loved. But i admit i only listened to their new stuff once or twice, liking it a bit, but then simply forgot. I’m still happy they around and working though.

The singles i bought during my studies, when i needed to be extra careful with the money i spend. Most of these were one guilder purchases when they were out of the top 40.

One thing i alwasys liked about Neil Tennant was that he had worked for Smash Hits. I was a fan of this magazine for years, especially in the late 80s. I did look up while writing this piece, i didn’t even know they stopped existing in 2006! I got to remember this for another post, i still have piles of the old magazine in the bookcase staring at me.

I still love the old songs. A few newer ones, sure. But a song like Left To My Own Devices stands out to me. Tomorrow i’ll sing this song as the last song on my soundcloud.

Salute!

Made by a friend of mine: Han Hoogerbrugge

First i wanted to write a bit today. But during the evening i changed my mind. I threw the I Ching this evening. Curious what it would tell me, how it would reflect my current situation. I do feel i need to work hard, seriously, with all my effort. Of course writing this now, after i threw it, is a bit like cheating.

So here is what i wrote beforehand.

Dreams keep on coming. When i’m alone. Will things really go as see them before me? Largely?

I did take some photos in the afternoon, some in the garden, some in the fruit orchard in the old train station at the other side of the tracks. There was a bamboo event organized there this weekend. I loved the high grass field. I walked through it twice. Great!

46. Shêng / Pushing Upward

The lower trigram, Sun, represents wood, and the upper, K’un, means the earth. Linked with this is the idea that wood in the earth grows upward. In contrast to the meaning of Chin, PROGRESS (35), this pushing upward is associated with effort, just as a plant needs energy for pushing upward through the earth. That is why this hexagram, although it is connected with success, is associated with effort of the will. In PROGRESS the emphasis is on expansion; PUSHING UPWARD indicates rather a vertical ascent-direct rise from obscurity and lowliness to power and influence.

THE JUDGMENT
PUSHING UPWARD has supreme success.
One must see the great man.
Fear not.
Departure toward the south
Brings good fortune.

The pushing upward of the good elements encounters no obstruction and is therefore accompanied by great success. The pushing upward is made possible not by violence but by modesty and adaptability. Since the individual is borne along by the propitiousness of the time, he advances. He must go to see authoritative people. He need not be afraid to do this, because success is assured. But he must set to work, for activity (this is the meaning of “the south”) brings good fortune.

THE IMAGE
Within the earth, wood grows:
The image of PUSHING UPWARD.
Thus the superior man of devoted character
Heaps up small things
In order to achieve something high and great.

Adapting itself to obstacles and bending around them, wood in the earth grows upward without haste and without rest. Thus too the superior man is devoted in character and never pauses in his progress.

Six at the top means:
Pushing upward in darkness.
It furthers one
To be unremittingly persevering.

He who pushes upward blindly deludes himself. He knows only advance, not retreat. But this means exhaustion. In such a case it is important to be constantly mindful that one must be conscientious and consistent and must remain so. Only thus does one become free of blind impulse, which is always harmful.

18. Ku / Work on what has been spoiled [ Decay ]

The Chinese character ku represents a bowl in whose contents worms are breeding. This means decay. IT is come about because the gentle indifference in the lower trigram has come together with the rigid inertia of the upper, and the result is stagnation. Since this implies guilt, the conditions embody a demand for removal of the cause. Hence the meaning of the hexagram is not simply “what has been spoiled” but “work on what has been spoiled”.

THE JUDGMENT

WORK ON WHAT HAS BEEN SPOILED
Has supreme success.
It furthers one to cross the great water.
Before the starting point, three days.
After the starting point, three days.

What has been spoiled through man’s fault can be made good again through man’s work. IT is not immutable fate, as in the time of STANDSTILL, that has caused the state of corruption, but rather the abuse of human freedom. Work toward improving conditions promises well, because it accords the possibilities of the time. We must not recoil from work and danger-symbolized by crossing of the great water-but must take hold energetically. Success depends, however, on proper deliberation. This is expressed by the lines, “Before the starting point, three days. After the starting point, three days.” We must first know the cause of corruption before we can do away with them; hence it is necessary to be cautious during the time before the start. Then we must see to it that the new way is safely entered upon, so that a relapse may be avoided; therefore we must pay attention to the time after the start. Decisiveness and energy must take the place of inertia and indifference that have led to decay, in order that the ending may be followed by a new beginning.

THE IMAGE

The wind blows low on the mountain:
The image of DECAY.
Thus the superior man stirs up the people
And strengthens their spirit.

When the wind blow s slow on the mountain, it is thrown back and spoils the vegetation. This contains a challenge to improvement. It is the same with debasing attitudes and fashions; they corrupt human society. His methods likewise must be derived from the two trigrams, but in such a way that their effects unfold in orderly sequence. The superior must first remove stagnation by stirring up public opinion, as the wind stirs up everything, and must strengthen and tranquilize the character of the people, as the mountain gives tranquillity and nourishment to all that grows in its vicinity.

The six on the sixth line in the first sign is a bit of a worry. Unremittingly persevering. As it explains:

In such a case it is important to be constantly mindful that one must be conscientious and consistent and must remain so. Only thus does one become free of blind impulse, which is always harmful.

Number 18 i actually did remember correctly, Work on what has been spoiled, Werk aan het bedorvene. It means work on what has gone stagnant, what is smelling of rot.

Truthfully, in this time, these signs actually make a lot of sense to me. I do know i need to work hard now. I have some plans for the next week. A vlog about the shops and supermarket around me. A plan i had since last year, but never finished. A visit to the newly opened Museum Voorlinden, Wednesday or Thursday.

I know i should worry about money a bit more, but really, these plans are begging for my attention, they do want to be done. So i’m gonna work on them will all my heart and soul.

Salute!

Yes. Insane.

I am not doing the right thing to keep my house. I am not doing the right thing to take care of my cats. To take care of me. To take care of my health.

I need to work to make money to pay my mortgage, to pay my food, to pay food for my cats, to pay for my diabetes medicine, to pay for my cats medicine, to pay for the energy i use, to pay for the phone i use, to pay for television and internet access.

I know. Insane.

A year ago i wrote a post My futures.

I know the private life. I have lived it for the past thirty years. It’s difficult and hard work. There is peace and quiet. And loneliness.

So, if i have to make a choice, i’d rather choose a public life. It will be equally hard work, it will be equally difficult. But it is also filled with friends. I will not have complete freedom in choosing the things i do. But on the whole, i think i will be happier. A bit messier too. But that’s alright.

I am not leading this public life yet. I am talking with people i meet on the streets. One time i saw a man on the Beursplein yelling at the people passing him by. Yelling they were racist, treating him wrong. I walked up to him and said that i didn’t agree with what he was saying. I hugged him. He started to cry. This was all i could do.

Most people i talk to tell me about their lives. One woman spoke to me about the boys in her neighborhood, who threaten to enter her house. A man told me about his volunteer jobs and the various functions he had as volunteer.

I try to look at people’s faces when i walk past them. Some do not see me at all, they walk by, their eyes turned down, hiding from everyone. Some say hi. Some react like i am trapping them. A girl once said to her boyfriend that i was staring at her, turning to him for protection. I simply walked by and caught her eyes, that was it.

I am working in the Peace Garden since April this year. I did start a few years ago in the Gandhi Garden, but didn’t follow it through then. I am happy i am working in the garden now. Happy to meet new people, who are all different, but still the same in some key areas. Care of this world, care of the food they eat.

Soil is the second biggest reservoir of carbon on the planet, next to the oceans. It holds four times more carbon than all the plants and trees in the world. But human activity like deforestation and industrial farming – with its intensive ploughing, monoculture and heavy use of chemical fertilisers and pesticides – is ruining our soils at breakneck speed, killing the organic materials that they contain. Now 40% of agricultural soil is classed as “degraded” or “seriously degraded”. In fact, industrial farming has so damaged our soils that a third of the world’s farmland has been destroyed in the past four decades.

Reading this article Our best shot at cooling the planet might be right under our feet on the Guardian website makes me so mad. We are ruining the earth under our feet. Using technology and science to make excuses for ourselves. We need more food, we say! But we throw away around 40% of all the food we harvest.

We are all insane. We are all living in this dream, where things are right, where what we do makes sense, where we live the best life we possibly can. Because we have the science. We are right. We say.

I do not agree.

I am not the first person to say this. To be honest, i feel more like the last person to say this. I have bought my food in the supermarket for years. I have worked for money for years. I am living in my house for the past 21 years. I went along in the same dreamy rhythm as almost anyone else living here, paying taxes and mortgages and energy and all other stuff a person uses in this western world.

I am not saying i have all, if any answers. But i do remember how i used to view this world growing up and for a large part of my adult life. As me simply a part of the world. This world which seemed to go at its own pace towards its own goal. Me tagging along. Trying to find a right spot for myself.

It is not like that. We all are here living on this earth with a certain responsibility towards its destiny. It is not politicians who decide, not businessmen, not scientists. Each and every one of us can make the choice to make this world a better place.

I wrote this in Food. I still feel like this. I actually feel even more like this.

Each and every one of us can make the choice to make this world a better place.

I should say this differently.

Each and every one of us makes a choice: to make this world a better place – or not.

So yes, i am insane.

I am stepping out. The money i still have is caught up in my house. It is not that i want to give my house up, certainly not. But in the end, if it is necessary, i will do that.

I will fight with my heart and soul for what i think we need to do. Take a step back. Take care of this planet, with our entire heart. Grow food in the soil, where we can. Think with our heads and hearts and hands. I will try my utmost to talk to other people about this. It is hard for me. It is easier for me to hide. But it has got to stop somewhere.

I have thought of myself as a queen of this new world. I am not that. I am a hard working woman with her hands in the earth, singing songs and filming videos and making walks and photographing the earth and the sky and the water around.

And yes.

I am insane.

We have come to see ourselves as the lords and masters of the Earth, entitled to plunder her at will. The sickness evident in the soil, in the water, in the air and in all forms of life are symptoms that reflect the violence present in our hearts. We have forgotten that we ourselves are dust of the Earth; that we breathe her air and receive life from her waters.

Source: ENCYCLICAL LETTER – LAUDATO SI’ – OF THE HOLY FATHER FRANCIS – ON CARE FOR OUR COMMON HOME