Author Archives for Ellen

My mum

My mother’s life is turning to a close. I’ve been to see her twice over the past week. Monday i will go again, hoping she will be alife still. She gets morphine every four hours. She does sleep quietly until the effects of it wears off.

This is not how i imagined the first week of my going as i want on this website to go. But i have to deal with life and death as they come to me.

Bye bye!

Published on February 8, 2025 at 18:56 by

Invitation and thoughts about moving on

This morning around 12 i went to the bookshop Donner in the center of Rotterdam. I took ‘snert’, a thick pea soup with smoked sausage called ‘rookworst, rye bread with ‘katenspek’, a sort of bacon, but then different. I read the newspaper, my usual one the Trouw (Fidelity).

I sat as i do usually at the large reading table. It has room for my lunch and the newspaper spread out. I was surprised to be asked out for a lunch somewhere else by a gentleman who sat at the same table. I simply answered i lunch at Donner. I didn’t even say no, but i think it was implied by me. Well, i felt a bit flattered, but at the same time i had no desires at all to go out with the gentleman. I have other more important things on my mind, thank you very much.

The last week i had thoughts about this website. Halfway through it the thought crossed my mind to change my frequency of posts. To make it more lively, so to say. To give myself room to make more or less posts as i wish. So i will start after this post. I don’t know what will come out of it. But i hope i will have more posts, most shorter, some drawings, some photo’s, some clips. We will see!

So i will post something in the midst of this week, not at my usual time of 6, but simply when i upload or write something. I hope it will work out!

Published on February 3, 2025 at 6:00 by

Messy – sort of

The past week Messy was in my head almost the entire time. In the beginning of the week i just had the song on my mind. I saw somebody on Tiktok talking about it with the song playing. I thought “hey! that’s it!” and looked it up on youtube. Ha!

I don’t know the lyrics yet. I don’t mind. I love this song. And only yesterday i found out this song is in the UK at the top of the charts. And here in the Netherlands at number 6. I’m happy this song is doing good. Love it!

I will be listening to the entire album this week.

Messy
Lola Young

You know I’m impatient
So why would you leave me waiting outside the station
When it was like minus four degrees?
And I, I get what you’re sayin’
I just really don’t wanna hear it right now
Can you shut up for like once in your life?

Listen to me, I took your nice words of advice
About how you think I’m gonna die lucky if I turn thirty-three
Okay, so yeah, I smoke like a chimney
I’m not skinny, and I pull a Britney every other week
But cut me some slack, who do you want me to be?

‘Cause I’m too messy, and then I’m too fucking clean
You told me, “Get a job”, then you ask where the hell I’ve been
And I’m too perfect ’til I open my big mouth
I want to be me, is that not allowed?
And I’m too clever, and then I’m too fucking dumb
You hate it when I cry, unless it’s that time of the month
And I’m too perfect ’til I show you that I’m not
A thousand people I could be for you, and you hate the fucking lot

You hate the fucking lot
You hate the fucking lot
Hey, hey

It’s taking you ages
You still don’t get the hint, I’m not asking for pages
But one text or two would be nice
And please, don’t pull those faces
When I’ve been out working my ass off all day
It’s just one bottle of wine or two, but, hey

You can’t even talk, you smoke weed just to help you sleep
Then why you out getting stoned at four o’clock
And then you come home to me?
And don’t say hello ’cause I got high again and forgot to fold my clothes

‘Cause I’m too messy, and then I’m too fucking clean
You told me, “Get a job”, then you ask where the hell I’ve been
And I’m too perfect ’til I open my big mouth
I want to be me, is that not allowed?
And I’m too clever, and then I’m too fucking dumb
You hate it when I cry, unless it’s that time of the month
And I’m too perfect ’til I show you that I’m not
A thousand people I could be for you, and you hate the fucking lot

You hate the fucking lot
You hate the fucking lot

Oh, and I’m too messy, and then I’m too fucking clean
You told me, “Get a job”, then you ask where the hell I’ve been
And I’m too perfect ’til I open my big mouth
I want to be me, is that not allowed?
And I’m too clever, and then I’m too fucking dumb
You hate it when I cry, unless it’s that time of the month
And I’m too perfect ’til I show you that I’m not
A thousand people I could be for you, and you hate the fucking lot

You hate the fucking lot
You hate the fucking lot
You hate the fucking lot
You hate the fucking lot

Published on January 27, 2025 at 6:00 by

Next week

A week ago the thought crossed my mind, I don’t need to put up my video up this week, i can do it next week. I felt a relieve. The coming two weeks i don’t work, i have all the time in the world to work on this video. So I will. Wish me luck!

After that i will stop making a new blog post for a couple of weeks.

A happy Christmas to you all!

Published on December 23, 2024 at 6:00 by