There is this big difference i notice between reading books, newspapers and online news outlets and living in this world.
I am reading a book with the title De grote weigering (The great refusal). This is a short book with at its core a retelling of Marcuse’s One-dimensional Man, a book published in 1964. The same year in which i was born.
It feels to me my mind is following two completely different streams. On the one hand all the texts i have read, on the other hand my living in this world and the force i feel myself to work and earn my own income and take care of myself. Not that i mind that, but it is tough.
Writing this i do think ooh of course it is tough, get with it woman! This is the life you have picked for yourself.
I do enjoy reading The great Refusal. It is available in Dutch only.
Published on July 25, 2022 at 6:00 by Ellen
Throwing the I Ching, i got 17. Following going into 10. Treading.
I start to feel a bit better. It does take me time to think about everything i did over the past few months and see where it all went wrong. It is hard. My life is hard, but it is all by my own choice.
So i am working right now. In home care, a lowly paid job. It’s fine for now. I am learning.
I will keep up one update a week. I’m still feeling a bit low, but it does get better over time.
Enjoy your week 🙂
Published on July 18, 2022 at 6:00 by Ellen
Sitting in the garden, hearing the wind, the birds, the cars in the background, almost non existing. I feel the quiet coming over me.
A confession, i do feel a bit down. My life continues, there are difficulties and troubles. But i manage, so far.
I have two jobs. One in a vegan cupcake shop for one day a week, selling and cleaning up and making lunch. I like it, i work with two women my age. It feels good. The other job is in home care, for three days a week. I can live of it, for the meantime.
This website will need to take a step back. Only one update a week.
It is fine.
Published on July 4, 2022 at 6:00 by Ellen
I’m tired. That is it for now. I’ll be back Monday.
I’m taking a break from working here. One week for starters, it could be longer. I don’t know! I will keep you up to date of course.
Published on June 24, 2022 at 6:00 by Ellen
I have been busy talking to all different people over the past few days. My mind is clearing up a bit.
I need to save myself. I can do it!
Published on June 23, 2022 at 6:00 by Ellen
Today i went back to the house i stayed in a couple of months back. This time together with Spinner, the cat!
He does need to get used to me a bit.
He is a sweety pie!
With beautiul green eyes 🙂
Published on June 16, 2022 at 6:00 by Ellen
Today, Sunday, i am making a dinner for my neighbour from the apartment above. A Spanish kind of chicken thigh stew with rice (for him) and a salad with radicchio and rocket and avocado and walnuts and tarragon and mint.
After that we are gonna watch a movie: Everything Everywhere All at Once. Very curious about this movie, seems right up my alley.
That is it for today. See you tomorrow!
PS. It is after ten, my neighbour just left. It was a lovely evening in which we had something good to eat, a nice glass of wine, some green tea for him and a coffee for me together with some chocolate. Lovely!
Published on May 30, 2022 at 6:00 by Ellen