Categories for General


Today i emptied the compost bin in the Train Track Garden, the Spoortuin. I walked back home, through the Essenburg Park. It was quite warm. Near the end i pulled out my coat. I went past my house and set the bin and my coat on the stairs. Then i went to the Albert Heijn. I got veggies and tuna for Salad Nicoise. Well, my kind of.

Walking back home i thought that i could make a new movie. About the Harvest Market, the Oogst Markt i visit each Saturday. But i also thought about how rich this website is, with the drawings, the photos, the walks, the movies, the stories, the songs. Sometimes i think about easing back on the content, updating it only once a week. But no. Not the right time. Not now. And really, i’m not sure i will make a new movie. I am not sure of so many things.

Being sure of things might seem important. Sometimes i would like to feel sure of certain things. My life, myself, the decisions i have made over the past years. But i am not. When i lie awake deep in the night, i put my hand on the wall behind me and watch my hand. I watch the lights of the cars passing by moving over the ceiling. I move from one side to the other. Sometimes i think of somebody touching me.

I leave you with my favourite movie i made and published on 30 December 2018, Human.

Published on April 20, 2021 at 6:00 by

A nothing day

I did make a short walk today, went into the supermarket. My mind still filled with the post i wrote yesterday. Still wondering. That is about it. Moving on!

Published on April 13, 2021 at 6:00 by

Influence > Gathering Together

31. Hsien / Influence (Wooing)


The name of the hexagram means “universal,” “general,” and in a figurative sense “to influence,” “to stimulate.” The upper trigram is Tui, the Joyous; the lower is Kên, Keeping still. By its persistent, quiet influence, the lower, rigid trigram stimulates the upper, weak trigram, which responds to this stimulation cheerfully and joyously. Kên, the lower trigram, is the youngest son; the upper, Tui, is the youngest daughter. Thus the universal mutual attraction between the sexes is represented. In courtship, the masculine principle must seize the initiative and place itself below the feminine principle.
Just as the first part of book 1 begins with the hexagrams of heaven and earth, the foundations of all that exists, the second part begins with the hexagrams of courtship and marriage, the foundations of all social relationships.


Influence. Success.
Perseverance furthers.
To take a maiden to wife brings good fortune.

The weak element is above, the strong below; hence their powers attract each other, so that they unite. This brings about success, for all success depends on the effect of mutual attraction. By keeping still within while experiencing joy without, one can prevent the joy from going to excess and hold it within proper bounds. This is the meaning of the added admonition, “Perseverance furthers,” for it is perseverance that makes the difference between seduction and courtship; in the latter the strong man takes a position inferior to that of the weak girl and shows consideration for her. This attraction between affinities is a general law of nature. Heaven and earth attract each other and thus all creatures come into being. Through such attraction the sage influences men’s hearts, and thus the world attains peace. From the attractions they exert we can learn the nature of all beings in heaven and on earth.


A lake on the mountain:
The image of influence.
Thus the superior man encourages people to approach him
By his readiness to receive them.

A mountain with a lake on its summit is stimulated by the moisture from the lake. It has this advantage because its summit does not jut out as a peak but is sunken. The image counsels that the mind should be kept humble and free, so that it may remain receptive to good advice. People soon give up counseling a man who thinks that he knows everything better than anyone else.

Nine in the third place means:
The influence shows itself in the thighs.
Holds to that which follows it.
To continue is humiliating.

Every mood of the heart influences us to movement. What the heart desires, the thighs run after without a moment’s hesitation; they hold to the heart, which they follow. In the life of man, however, acting on the spur of every caprice is wrong and if continued leads to humiliation. Three considerations suggest themselves here. First, a man should not run precipitately after all the persons whom he would like to influence, but must be able to hold back under certain circumstances. As little should he yield immediately to every whim of those in whose service he stands. Finally, where the moods of his own heart are concerned, he should never ignore the possibility of inhibition, for this is the basis of human freedom.

45. Ts’ui / Gathering Together [Massing]


This hexagram is related in form and meaning to Pi, HOLDING TOGETHER (8). In the latter, water is over the earth; here a lake is over the earth. But since the lake is a place where water collects, the idea of gathering together is even more strongly expressed here than in the other hexagram. The same idea also arises from the fact that in the present case it is tow strong lines (the fourth and the fifth) that bring about the gather together, whereas in the former case one strong line (the fifth) stands in the midst of weak lines.


The king approaches his temple.
It furthers one to see the great man.
This brings success. Perseverance furthers.
To bring great offerings creates good fortune.
It furthers one to undertake something.

The gathering together of people in large communities is either a natural occurrence, as in the case of the family, or an artificial one, as in the case of the state. The family gathers about the father as its head. The perpetuation of this gathering in groups is achieved through the sacrifice to the ancestors, at which the whole clan is gathered together. Through the collective piety of the living members of the family, the ancestors become so integrated in the spiritual life of the family that it cannot be dispersed or dissolved.
Where men are to be gathered together, religious forces are needed. But there must also be a human leader to serve as the center of the group. In order to be able to bring others together, this leader must first of all be collected within himself. Only collective moral force can unite the world. Such great times of unification will leave great achievements behind them. This is the significance of the great offerings that are made. In the secular sphere likewise there is need of great deeds in the time of GATHERING TOGETHER.


Over the earth, the lake:
Thus the superior man renews his weapons
In order to meet the unforeseen.

If the water in the lake gathers until it rises above the earth, there is danger of a break-through. Precautions must be taken to prevent this. Similarly where men gather together in great numbers, strife is likely to arise; where possessions are collected, robbery is likely to occur. Thus in the time of GATHERING TOGETHER we must arm promptly to ward off the unexpected. Human woes usually come as a result of unexpected events against which we are not forearmed. If we are prepared, they can be prevented.

Published on April 9, 2021 at 6:00 by


I am so ambivalent on my future course in life.

I look back on the posts i have written on this website. I like most of them. They are close to me. Others are a bit more distant. But still, each post is a part of my life. Whether i am right or wrong.

I don’t know what to do. What to think. What is my story? I feel lost right now.

Teeth clenched and hands in fists. Not giving up!

Ooh do get a grip woman. So childish the way you speak here!

Published on March 25, 2021 at 6:00 by

Paying my own way

Living means continuously growing up, learning from your experiences, making mistakes, becoming aware of those, doing something else, making other mistakes. And sometimes doing things right. Hopefully more over time.

That is how i see my own life. I don’t want to be dependent of somebody else, i want to make my own way through life. My own way, my own course. Independent.

This is something i have felt over the past years. Could be even since i started working, in 1994. Going slowly, sure. But steady and secure.

I am still not giving up.

Published on March 24, 2021 at 6:00 by


I go outside and make a walk five or six times a week. Usually for about an hour, an hour and a half. Today, Sunday 21 March, i made a walk to the Park next to the Euromast. I sat there, besides the maze made from short hedges. Children played in there, running around. The older kids were stepping over the hedges, the younger ones tried usually successfully. Some shouted for help from their parents. Close to the maze are two restaurants, both with a line of people waiting before the entrances to get something to eat or to drink. More people are sitting around the maze, some with dogs, some with children. Or both.

I like to look around while walking. At plants, flowers, houses, traffic, people. I like to pat dogs. If they let me of course. I have learned to ask permission. Some dogs are shy, others aggressive. Today i came across a cat being let out. The cat was looking around, hunting for plastic bags. The cat’s boss said he could call him and let me pat him, but i said the cat was too focused on what he chased.

I try to stay calm. Usually i succeed. Sometimes, once a month or so, when i am at home i feel a bit down, or confused. Going outside does help me.

Today i had a chat with Erik. What i want? To become world famous i said. I still do. Not sure i do believe it myself, stand behind it. And it is not about the being famous. It is just i believe there is something worthwhile in there. If i can stay calm, if i am able to simply talk with the people i meet about anything. Talk about little things, big things. How they are able to live in this world. This deplorable world. Well, something like that.

Strange how people can not believe me. Strange how they fill in their own story in what i say.


Published on March 22, 2021 at 6:00 by

A drizzle of rain

Today i made a walk through a drizzle of rain. I had the hood of my coat up. Sometimes i took it down to see if the rain had stopped, but it hadn’t. I walked through the Dakpark. There is a small area of vegetable gardens. I went in, had a short talk with the people working. I saw the chickens under the hedge and patted the orange and white cat.

I looked at the houses i walked past. And i thought. I remembered that one time i woke up in the middle of the night, my head filled with what i wanted to say, clear and bright. The next morning i had forgotten it.

I wasn’t upset about this. I thought that if i needed to know this, talk about this, i would remember it one day. And if not, i wouldn’t. So far, the memory didn’t return. It could be i was completely wrong, that it was just a fantasy dream of mine.

I’ll be back tomorrow!

Published on March 17, 2021 at 6:00 by