Springtime in the Kralingse Bos
Physical
I lie in the dark, naked, covered by the duvet. I move my body slightly. I move my hands over my body. I touch my nipples. I move my hands over my back.
I hadn’t masturbated for quite a while. I could feel my body responding to my own movements. I love this feeling of exhilaration and mounting desire for an upcoming release.
I am lying on my side. I love the feeling of the fullness of my body, the fullness of my breasts. My nipples stand stiff upwards. I slowly turn my body so i am lying on my back. My hand moves towards my pussy. I slowly begin to push and release. I spread my legs. My other hand is on my breast, massaging the nipple. My breath comes louder.
I spread my legs wider. A surge is building up. Wider even. I start to moan, softly. The duvet is shoved down. I can feel it coming.
The release is lovely.
I lie awake for several hours after. Sometimes i move my body, but i don’t feel like anything right now. I get out of bed around one. I play a bit of turtle wow. I go back to bed. I do fall asleep. Not sure what time.
In the morning i thought about what to write for tomorrow.
Ooh, i know!
In love
Life is confusing. There are the multitudes of things you are able to become aware of. There are the books, the movies, videos you are able to see and hear. There is the music in which you may loose yourself. There is the entire world filled with stuff. There are the other people. All strangers.
The past few years i met some men i liked. It was quickly over. But it was worthwhile. I learned to be more independent. I learned to be more thoughtful. I became more grown up.
I am alone. I don’t mind that. I do wish for being loved and loving someone else. But i am not sure how that would feel. Deep at night, my mind wanders. I am only human. I am a multitude of likes and dislikes. Most change over time. Some things are hidden deep inside of me. Some hardly even surface here, on this website, which is my place, the centre of my being. So it feels.
I write this post and categorize it in Column. Only a year ago i wrote the first post for this category, Contagious. I enjoy writing, rewriting and deleting text. I enjoy drawing, singing, photographing, writing about cooking, about the world and its highlights and atrocities, about myself and my idiosyncrasies.
This post is difficult to write. I deleted whole paragraphs. I copied and pasted text in completely different order. And that while this post was so clear to me during the beginning of the week. I will write it i thought. I will let it all come out of me. Yes! Today it is hard. It seems like i have forgotten it all. But i feel happy with what i have written so far. It wasn’t what i thought about earlier, but it is worthwhile. To me anyway.
And here in my life right now it is peaceful. The sun is shining. In the backyard of the house there is a blossoming tree. Birds are singing.
I am stronger than i thought. Keep it up!
Intimate Strangers
How you can be alienated from someone else and your own self. More about this in Dutch on the accompanying website page.
I talked about this writer, Paul Verhaeghe earlier on this website in the following post Pages from Intimacy.
Published on April 14, 2022 at 6:00 by Ellen
Categorised in: Books, films and TV
Surprised
Portrait 168
Published on April 12, 2022 at 6:00 by Ellen
Categorised in: Drawing and watercolour
Trees in spring
Believe
The leaf buds on the trees are slowly opening up. Some trees have flowers first. The almond trees in the Peace Garden. Cherry blossom. Magnolia. Some of them are already out of blossom. A light wash of green covers most trees right now. A bit of white or pink of upcoming flowers. Some trees are still bare.
I do my utmost best to remain tranquil. Right now i feel calm. Peaceful. But at the edge of my consciousness is anxiousness. Sometimes it comes to the front. Usually at night, before i fall asleep. And i feel the beating of my heart. Almost pounding. I do believe in myself though. With all my heart.
It can be so easy to let it go, to conform myself to the most common way of living. Safety first. Insurance of course. But my life is getting less far-sighted.
I do worry sometimes. I am trying to break that unsettling habit. I don’t want to look ahead in my life and see what will be occupying me then. To be honest, i don’t think that is possible. Our looking ahead simply projects our life into the future, but many accidents and changes occur during our life’s progress we are not aware of.
The COVID pandemic from the last two years, the Russian – Ukrainian war going on right now and all the changes that brings along with it show that life is unpredictable to the core.
Where will i be in three weeks time? I don’t know.
Truth be told i do not know.
81. Telling it true
True words aren’t charming,
charming words aren’t true.
Good people aren’t contentious,
contentious people aren’t good.
People who know aren’t learned,
learned people don’t know.
Wise souls don’t hoard;
the more they do for others the more they have,
the more they give the richer they are.
The Way of heaven profits without destroying.
Doing without outdoing
is the Way of the wise.
The next little country might be so close
the people could hear cocks crowing
and dogs barking there,
but they’d get old and die
without ever having been there.
Source: Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu
Translated by Ursula K. Le Guin
Awful annihilating disastrous calamitous damning destructive fatal ruinous
With the IPCC report coming out yesterday and the current Russian – Ukrainian war still going frightfully wrong there is so much news today. I have been reading twitter for half the day. It is almost too much i confess.
In the Guardian the article IPCC report: ‘now or never’ if world is to stave off climate disaster states the following list:
The IPCC working group 3 report found:
- Coal must be effectively phased out if the world is to stay within 1.5C, and currently planned new fossil fuel infrastructure would cause the world to exceed 1.5C.
- Methane emissions must be reduced by a third.
- Growing forests and preserving soils will be necessary, but tree-planting cannot do enough to compensate for continued emissions for fossil fuels.
- Investment in the shift to a low-carbon world is about six times lower than it needs to be.
- All sectors of the global economy, from energy and transport to buildings and food, must change dramatically and rapidly, and new technologies including hydrogen fuel and carbon capture and storage will be needed.
Then the Russian – Ukrainian war. The devastating finding of the dead bodies lying on the streets almost randomly in Bucha is terrible. The drawing i posted yesterday of a woman screaming was because of this news. No matter what Russia tells us of this being staged, i don’t believe that. I have seen one video stating the opposite. You can read more in this article Zelenskiy set to demand new Russia sanctions at UN amid Bucha outcry.
Then there is the realization that this happens all over the world. Awful, annihilating, disastrous, calamitous, damning, destructive, fatal, ruinous actions of people against other people. I don’t want to understand how this works. Never.