The leaf buds on the trees are slowly opening up. Some trees have flowers first. The almond trees in the Peace Garden. Cherry blossom. Magnolia. Some of them are already out of blossom. A light wash of green covers most trees right now. A bit of white or pink of upcoming flowers. Some trees are still bare.
I do my utmost best to remain tranquil. Right now i feel calm. Peaceful. But at the edge of my consciousness is anxiousness. Sometimes it comes to the front. Usually at night, before i fall asleep. And i feel the beating of my heart. Almost pounding. I do believe in myself though. With all my heart.
It can be so easy to let it go, to conform myself to the most common way of living. Safety first. Insurance of course. But my life is getting less far-sighted.
I do worry sometimes. I am trying to break that unsettling habit. I don’t want to look ahead in my life and see what will be occupying me then. To be honest, i don’t think that is possible. Our looking ahead simply projects our life into the future, but many accidents and changes occur during our life’s progress we are not aware of.
The COVID pandemic from the last two years, the Russian – Ukrainian war going on right now and all the changes that brings along with it show that life is unpredictable to the core.
Where will i be in three weeks time? I don’t know.
Truth be told i do not know.
True words aren’t charming,
charming words aren’t true.
Good people aren’t contentious,
contentious people aren’t good.
People who know aren’t learned,
learned people don’t know.
Wise souls don’t hoard;
the more they do for others the more they have,
the more they give the richer they are.
The Way of heaven profits without destroying.
Doing without outdoing
is the Way of the wise.
The next little country might be so close
the people could hear cocks crowing
and dogs barking there,
but they’d get old and die
without ever having been there.
With the IPCC report coming out yesterday and the current Russian – Ukrainian war still going frightfully wrong there is so much news today. I have been reading twitter for half the day. It is almost too much i confess.
In the Guardian the article IPCC report: ‘now or never’ if world is to stave off climate disaster states the following list:
The IPCC working group 3 report found:
- Coal must be effectively phased out if the world is to stay within 1.5C, and currently planned new fossil fuel infrastructure would cause the world to exceed 1.5C.
- Methane emissions must be reduced by a third.
- Growing forests and preserving soils will be necessary, but tree-planting cannot do enough to compensate for continued emissions for fossil fuels.
- Investment in the shift to a low-carbon world is about six times lower than it needs to be.
- All sectors of the global economy, from energy and transport to buildings and food, must change dramatically and rapidly, and new technologies including hydrogen fuel and carbon capture and storage will be needed.
Then the Russian – Ukrainian war. The devastating finding of the dead bodies lying on the streets almost randomly in Bucha is terrible. The drawing i posted yesterday of a woman screaming was because of this news. No matter what Russia tells us of this being staged, i don’t believe that. I have seen one video stating the opposite. You can read more in this article Zelenskiy set to demand new Russia sanctions at UN amid Bucha outcry.
Then there is the realization that this happens all over the world. Awful, annihilating, disastrous, calamitous, damning, destructive, fatal, ruinous actions of people against other people. I don’t want to understand how this works. Never.
Last Saturday i went to the market, like i do all Saturdays. It was cold, around 5ºC. I like to look around at the people and the children and the dogs. I don’t talk that much at the market. I enjoy listening. I left the market earlier than usual.
I went out this morning and walked to the Essenburgpark. I looked at all the people i walked by on my way over there. Smiling, saying hi to one or two. My head was still full of what i had just read in the book Ultimate Questions. I was wondering what the people i met on the streets were thinking of. I had no idea. I smiled at the people whose eye i caught.
In the park i sat on a bench for around fifteen minutes. I listened to the birds singing their happy song. Even though it was cold, spring is definitely setting in. I saw some people letting out their dog.
I walked to the supermarket. I was thinking of this post while walking. I only remember half of it. Strange how i seem to forget what i thought.
On the street where i live i came across a lady with a lovely dog. The dog looked me in the eye. He was pulling the leash. The lady let go of him and he ran towards me, jumping up at me. So happy! He was so cute. Or she, i don’t know.
Once inside the house i made some tea. I watched Buitenhof. Most was about the Ukraine – Russian war. Terrible what i saw about the ordinary civilians of suburbs of Kyiv lying dead on the streets where they used to live.
It is a strange time. As always.
This Tuesday i lost all fear i had felt about the future. It was the day i let the cat from upstairs in the house. Her boss is away until Friday. I will let both front doors open. I love it. Joep is the name of the cat (Yup ?). Right now Joep is lying on the chair behind me.
I am thinking. About me, what i wish for, what i want. I know that wanting something will not help me get it. I am trying to clear my mind of all the things people fill their lives with. A new car. A new home. A new husband or wife. Something new to pass the time with. Something new to forget that it is not what you want. Those are not things i want. But i have other things i want. Friends. Enough money. An active life, filled with meetings and talks. I do not have those things right now.
Sometimes i am thinking of the world, the universe, politics, philosophy, art. But most often i find myself watching television or youtube, reading twitter. Keeping up with the news. I am not sitting in a little cabin in the woods. I am living in a large city in the Netherlands.
I feel lost. I am here at the end of time, or so it feels to me. And it is not even a true feeling. It is all simply inside of me. All these emotions are nothing but a distraction.
I am waiting for some insight into my life. It is growing inside me with small steps. But is this the best way to make it grow? I simply do not know.
are hardly known to their followers.
Next after them are the leaders
the people know and admire;
after them, those they fear;
after them, those they despise.
To give no trust
is to get no trust.
When the work’s done right,
with no fuss or boasting,
ordinary people say,
Oh, we did it.1
1 This invisible leader, who gets things done in such a way that people think they did it all themselves, isn’t one who manipulates others from behind the scenes; just the opposite. Again, it’s a matter of “doing without doing”: uncompetitive, unworried, trustful accomplishment, power that is not force. An example or analogy might be a very good teacher, or the truest voice in a group of singers.