I Am the Walrus

Last week i saw the following video on youtube I recreated “I Am The Walrus” from scratch. I have a subscription to his channel and i enjoy most of video’s he places.

While watching this i started to feel so stupid. This is a gem of a song. How could i have overlooked this one for so long? Then again, there are so many overlooked songs in the world. I looked up the lyrics and started to sing along. Of course i know this song. But i didn’t really know the lyrics by heart. I still don’t. A bit better now though.

I hope you enjoy this 🙂

I Am the Walrus
I am he as you are he as you are me
And we are all together
See how they run like pigs from a gun
See how they fly
I’m crying

Sitting on a corn flake
Waiting for the van to come
Corporation T-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday
Man you’ve been a naughty boy
You let your face grow long

I am the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the walrus
Goo goo g’joob

Mr. City policeman sitting
Pretty little policemen in a row
See how they fly like Lucy in the sky
See how they run
I’m crying
I’m crying, I’m crying, I’m crying

Yellow matter custard
Dripping from a dead dog’s eye
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess
Boy, you’ve been a naughty girl
You let your knickers down

I am the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the walrus
Goo goo g’joob

Sitting in an English garden
Waiting for the sun
If the sun don’t come you get a tan
From standing in the English rain

I am the egg man (How do you do sir?)
They are the egg men (The man maintains a fortune)
I am the walrus
Goo goo g’joob, goo goo goo g’joob

Expert, texpert choking smokers
Don’t you think the joker laughs at you (Ho ho ho, hee hee hee, hah hah hah)
See how they smile like pigs in a sty
See how they snide
I’m crying

Semolina Pilchard
Climbing up the Eiffel tower
Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allen Poe

I am the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the walrus
Goo goo g’joob, goo goo goo g’joob
Goo goo g’joob, goo goo goo g’joob, goo goo

Published on April 26, 2022 at 6:00 by

Crunch time

Eight years ago i started this blog. I update it five updates a week. A maximum of five weeks of holiday a year. I have sold my house and lived on the proceeds for the remainder of the time. The last two years i moved from room to room. The last half year i lived in the house i live in now. For one more week. My money is running out. I have enough only for the next two months.

I am not crazy. I hope so anyway! I acted like this for a specific reason. Truth be told, this process is lasting longer than i expected. Now it is coming to a crunch time. The moment of truth. The point of no return.

I feel i need to pick a public life or a solitary life. That is not true of course, i could pick from a multitude of lives. A life in which i work, a life in which i protest against the current working climate. I could pick anything i want.

But what do i want? I could fall in love. I can sing songs. I will keep on working here. Photographs, dances, write columns, drawings. Or i stay in the hidden depths. Keep on working on myself. Until the day i die.

I just want to mean something to the world. But all i seem to do is loosing everything.

Am i fooling myself with these thoughts?

But what is the alternative? Do we all come in this world with no reason behind it, no story to tell. All a part of the same machinery. The capitalistic neoliberal hyper machine which is fragmenting the stories away from us. Is that it?

I don’t believe that.

What do i really really want? I would love to fall in love with somebody. Somebody who reminds me of me, but also entirely different. Somebody who leads his life as i do, with respect and attention to everything surrounding him.

But this post is not about him, it is about me. I am still waiting for someone to pick me up from this life. And that is not happening. It is as simple as that. I need to get out myself. It is no option anymore to live silently.

Published on April 25, 2022 at 6:00 by

Life is messy

It is my own desire for safety which confounds me. Safety, security, a shield against all the dangerous things the world hurls at you. Don’t let it touch! Be invincible, invulnerable.

I am scared of the future. As i should be, of course. I do not know what the future will bring. That makes me come alive with all sorts of defenses against all sorts of dangers coming my way. But what dangers? What defenses?

I don’t know.

I live now, not in the future where all these troubles lurk. Of course, i can cross over the street and be run over by a car. I can fall down a stair and drop to my death. Anything can happen.

I don’t know.

Another part of me revels in dreaming up idolized persons. I will fall in love. Someone else will fall in love with me. I will become famous. Legendary even.

But i don’t know.

I think i know many things. The books i have read, the walks i have made, the dances i danced away, the songs i have sung, the earth i worked in, the drawings i made, the photographs i made. Not all terribly good. Still a work i feel proud of. But do i know these things? Do i really?

And then there is me.

A growing older woman in her late fifties, with grey hair, slightly overweight. That is what i look like from the outside. The inside is a mixture of emotions, some scared, some hopeful. My heart is pounding inside of me.

What am i? Who is this i i am speaking of here? What does it all mean? Is there some meaning? Anywhere?

I do not know.

Published on April 22, 2022 at 6:00 by

So happy

It is strange i feel as happy as i do. There are so many things wrong in my life, but yes, this happy is how i feel. It is intermixed with occasionally feelings of dread, but that is getting less.

Maybe i am crazy! Maybe i am confused. In two weeks time i will be without a house, with only around 1400 euros in my bank account. But i am not thinking about that at all. I am thinking about what to write or make here, on my website, my personal place.

This feeling is not new to me. I’ve had it before. And of course i know it could fail. I could be wrong. Of course. But it doesn’t seem to interfere anymore, as it did a couple of weeks ago. When i felt bad at times. Not the whole time, but still, especially at night, i worried. About my place to stay, about my money, about my future.

So here i am. Happy. I only half understand it. But it is fine. I am curious to see what the future will bring.

By the way, i am also really nervous. Exited. A huge amount of emotions are going through me. Damn!

Published on April 20, 2022 at 6:00 by


I lie in the dark, naked, covered by the duvet. I move my body slightly. I move my hands over my body. I touch my nipples. I move my hands over my back.

I hadn’t masturbated for quite a while. I could feel my body responding to my own movements. I love this feeling of exhilaration and mounting desire for an upcoming release.

I am lying on my side. I love the feeling of the fullness of my body, the fullness of my breasts. My nipples stand stiff upwards. I slowly turn my body so i am lying on my back. My hand moves towards my pussy. I slowly begin to push and release. I spread my legs. My other hand is on my breast, massaging the nipple. My breath comes louder.

I spread my legs wider. A surge is building up. Wider even. I start to moan, softly. The duvet is shoved down. I can feel it coming.

The release is lovely.

I lie awake for several hours after. Sometimes i move my body, but i don’t feel like anything right now. I get out of bed around one. I play a bit of turtle wow. I go back to bed. I do fall asleep. Not sure what time.

In the morning i thought about what to write for tomorrow.

Ooh, i know!

Published on April 18, 2022 at 6:00 by

In love

Life is confusing. There are the multitudes of things you are able to become aware of. There are the books, the movies, videos you are able to see and hear. There is the music in which you may loose yourself. There is the entire world filled with stuff. There are the other people. All strangers.

The past few years i met some men i liked. It was quickly over. But it was worthwhile. I learned to be more independent. I learned to be more thoughtful. I became more grown up.

I am alone. I don’t mind that. I do wish for being loved and loving someone else. But i am not sure how that would feel. Deep at night, my mind wanders. I am only human. I am a multitude of likes and dislikes. Most change over time. Some things are hidden deep inside of me. Some hardly even surface here, on this website, which is my place, the centre of my being. So it feels.

I write this post and categorize it in Column. Only a year ago i wrote the first post for this category, Contagious. I enjoy writing, rewriting and deleting text. I enjoy drawing, singing, photographing, writing about cooking, about the world and its highlights and atrocities, about myself and my idiosyncrasies.

This post is difficult to write. I deleted whole paragraphs. I copied and pasted text in completely different order. And that while this post was so clear to me during the beginning of the week. I will write it i thought. I will let it all come out of me. Yes! Today it is hard. It seems like i have forgotten it all. But i feel happy with what i have written so far. It wasn’t what i thought about earlier, but it is worthwhile. To me anyway.

And here in my life right now it is peaceful. The sun is shining. In the backyard of the house there is a blossoming tree. Birds are singing.

I am stronger than i thought. Keep it up!

Published on April 15, 2022 at 6:00 by