For four months i have worked. I do enjoy working for most of my clients. For some more than others. For some not at all. But most people are friendly and nice. Cleaning up house for people who are not able to do it themselves is worth doing. It doesn’t pay well, but for now it is enough.

But i do feel unhappy. I do not cry. On the whole i feel ok, i enjoy working most of the time. But my life is not what i wish it to be. I don’t have any really close friends, i don’t have any children, i don’t have any close contact with my family, apart from my mother. My life feels empty. It is not i want to fill my life up thoughtlessly, absolutely not. I am learning every day. But i do feel an impatience in me. When is it going to happen? Whatever it is.

My wishes might not come true. I might die in an ocean of solitude. I might never get there, wherever there may be. I still need to fight in me with myself.

My unhappiness is not important. It is a feeling i have within me, nothing more. I have to come to terms with it. That is difficult, but not impossible.

Another working week ahead of me. I hope you are doing well. Best wishes. Salute!

Today is the funeral of Queen Elizabeth II. I watched a bit on Dutch and British television. The people in the procession, walking with an equal step, waving their arms all the same. It is a mighty sight.

This Friday morning i got on my bike and went to the place i have my furniture stored to bring my walking shoes. I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. After that i played a bit of turtle wow.

I feel lost. I can be strong and don’t talk myself down, but it is difficult. I hope i can find some courage inside me and fight for a better world.

This afternoon i went to the harvest market of the Peace Garden. I did some drawing, talked with some people. I enjoyed myself. I did go home early.

Enjoy this upcoming week. I hope i will. Salute!

The world wakes up. Sometimes i am a bit early at work. I stand outside and watch the people passing by. Each one is starting his or her day.

The windows of the houses are all different. Some have only a few plants on the window sill, some have closed curtains, some have blackout curtains. I see no people standing looking out of their window.

All this will not last. That is a given. The world is changing continuously. People meet their ends all the time.

While i walk in the commercial hubbub of the modern city i watch the people walking by. Sometimes i imagine a situation in which things are different; the sea level has risen, the shops are empty, food is scarce. People will loose their civilized shiny outer layer. It could happen. One day.

Now i’m back home. My home for now. And i’m distressed and puzzled about what to write. I have scrapped so many sentences i wrote the past week. Mind you, i do that every time i write something recently. To me it is a good thing. It means i am thinking about what to write. Not that i come to an answer, but i don’t mind that too much. For the time being.

I will leave you here. I will be back next week.

Salute!