Author Archives for Ellen

Rapture

Rapture. I always liked this song. Not a big Blondie fan, but their music was around when i grew up in the late 70s and early 80s. Over the years this song was in most of my birthday party playlists. I do try other songs too, but hmm.. not really a big fan. But still, this song is in my MIX playlists. I do like it.

I have to say, singing these songs, looking up the lyrics is really opening up my understanding of them. In many songs there are parts i simply don’t hear too well. I can sing along with the sound and sometimes make up my own bits. Singing along with the lyrics in front of me is so much better! As i usually sing a bit before i record the song of the day, i am training all the other songs in the meantime. Singing them all from my head a cappella is a different story. That is hard, with no music to fall back on. A bit sad i don’t play any instrument to be honest. Piano or guitar, but no, i don’t feel any desire to learn these instruments. Well, piano maybe, but only to play classical music. Not any use there either.

Anyways, enjoy Rapture!

Rapture – Blondie
Toe to toe
Dancing very close
Barely breathing
Almost comatose
Wall to wall
People hypnotized
And they’re stepping lightly
Hang each night in Rapture

Back to back
Sacroiliac
Spineless movement
And a wild attack

Face to face
Sadly solitude
And it’s finger popping
Twenty-four hour shopping in Rapture

Fab Five Freddie told me everybody’s high
DJ’s spinnin’ are savin’ my mind
Flash is fast, Flash is cool
Francois sez fas, Flashe’ no do
And you don’t stop, sure shot
Go out to the parking lot
And you get in your car and you drive real far
And you drive all night and then you see a light
And it comes right down and lands on the ground
And out comes a man from Mars
And you try to run but he’s got a gun
And he shoots you dead and he eats your head
And then you’re in the man from Mars
You go out at night, eatin’ cars
You eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too
Mercury’s and Subaru’s
And you don’t stop, you keep on eatin’ cars

Then, when there’s no more cars
You go out at night and eat up bars where the people meet
Face to face, dance cheek to cheek
One to one, man to man
Dance toe too toe
Don’t move to slow, ’cause the man from Mars
Is through with cars, he’s eatin’ bars
Yeah, wall to wall, door to door, hall to hall
He’s gonna eat ’em all
Rapture, be pure
Take a tour, through the sewer
Don’t strain your brain, paint a train
You’ll be singin’ in the rain
I said don’t stop, to punk rock

Well now you see what you wanna be
Just have your party on TV
‘Cause the man from Mars won’t eat up bars when the TV’s on
And now he’s gone back up to space
Where he won’t have a hassle with the human race
And you hip-hop, and you don’t stop
Just blast off, sure shot
‘Cause the man from Mars stopped eatin’ cars and eatin’ bars
And now he only eats guitars, get up!

The original

Published on November 23, 2015 at 6:00 by

Sunken Love

Rip Rig & Panic was one of my favourite bands in the early 80s. I loved the wildness of their songs, the voices, the piano, the instrumental tracks.

I do remember sitting in the train in 1988 and reading The Face i had just bought. Or Blitz? Hmm, not sure. Anyway, my eye fell on this article about a new singer, Neneh Cherry. The name rang a bell. And then i realized i knew her, she was the singer of Rip Rig & Panic. More mainstream, still feisty.

This song is from Rip Rig & Panic’s third album Attitude. This track i always loved. Never looked up the lyrics until today. Harbor a horror i always heared as habahareeree. Well.. i’m learning these lyrics now by heart.

I added three other songs from God, their first album. The best!

Sunken Love – Rip Rig & Panic
Whirlpools of wonder
Try to wash away a memory
Unfathomable leaks of thought
Lost in the deep blue me
Below the calm surface
Pain flows to and fro

Sunken love
Chasing drowned sorrow
Harbor a horror
‘Til tomorrow

Plunged into dark dark depths
Anchor where secrets are kept
Dark feelings, mystery voyages

Try to avoid those forgotten ages

Sunken love
Chasing drowned sorrow
Harbor a horror
‘Til tomorrow

Don’t worry, don’t fear
Drowned loves will reappear
Reserve a scene within that vessel
Destiny

So don’t mourn
‘Cause everything is reborn.

The original song

Those Eskimo Women Speak Frankly

The Blue Blue Third

Knee deep in Shit

Published on November 20, 2015 at 6:00 by

Homemade toothpaste and deodorant

The most important part of my new homemade toothpaste and deodorant is sodium bicarbonate. The following applications are listed on the wikipedia page:

  • pest control
  • paint and corrosion removal
  • pH balancer
  • mild disinfectant
  • fire extinguisher
  • cooking
    • with acids
    • by heating
  • neutralisation of acids and bases
  • medical uses
  • personal hygiene
  • sports
  • cleaning
  • biopesticide

Toothpaste
The past week my toothpaste ran out. I am using Parodontax for like, 25 years. It is a bit salty and its main ingredient is – yep! – sodium bicarbonate. I’ve been using it for so long i don’t notice the salty taste. So last week i decided to bite the bullet and make my own toothpaste. Most recipes i found had a mix of the following ingredients:

  • baking soda
  • coconut oil
  • peppermint essential oil
  • stevia
  • vegetable glycerin
  • sea salt
  • hydrogen peroxide (3%)
  • water
  • bentonite clay

I decided to try the following recipe:

  • 3 tablespoons of baking soda
  • 3 tablespoons of coconut oil
  • 1 teaspoon of salt
  • 20 drops of peppermint essential oil

I slightly warmed the coconut oil au bain marie and put in the baking soda and the salt and peppermint. I let it cool for a night. The next day i went through it with a teaspoon. I use a wooden icicle stick to get some paste out and put it on my toothbrush. Yes, it is salty, but the smell of peppermint makes up for it – a bit.

I might get some stevia to make it a bit more sweeter. I have never bought stevia before, i will have a look around. I did do a search for it this evening and i do need to look at the composition. I would like to get some pure stevia. Not the products with 97% maltodextrine and 3% stevia (yes you Albert Heijn!). So i might need to go to the nature shop Gimsel.

So far i do like the toothpaste. It is not the same as my old Parodontax, i will need to give it some more time to get used to it. But, it does really clean remarkably well. Happy with that!

Deodorant
To be honest, i haven’t made this one yet. But last week a video came by from Trash is for Tossers and today i bought the arrowroot powder.

The ingredients

  • 2 tablespoons of arrowroot powder
  • 1 tablespoon of baking soda
  • 1 tablespoon of coconut oil
  • 1 tablespoon of shea butter
  • around 20 drops of lemongrass essential oil

I do have a confession to make here though. I hardly use deodorant. I don’t find myself smelling weird. Truthfully, i like my smell. But yeah, i’m a lot by myself, so it is not a big deal anyway. When i go out more, for work or anything else, i have used deodorant. So it’s not a completely strange product. Right now i have a mixture of baking soda and coconut oil in my bathroom – how do you call that?? – closet? little tiny cabinet? – sorry, i have no idea! Anyway, this mixture sounds good. So i will let you know once i made this and tried it a couple of times.

Published on November 17, 2015 at 6:00 by

Until You Come Back To Me

I had one album by Aretha Franklin, a The Best Of. With her major hits: Respect, Chain of Fools, Say A Little Prayer, Rock Steady. And also this song on it, Until You Come Back To Me. I always loved this song. Only today i found out it was a big hit in 1973. I had no idea. I also didn’t know Stevie Wonder is one of the writers.

The bridge part is hard for me. When i sing along with the music, it is a lot easier, but a cappella it is a hard switch to make to those lines.

Living for you my dear
Is like living in a world of constant fear
In my plea, I’ve got to make you see
That our love is dying

I do like my version. It is a lot softer, quieter. Very close into the microphone. I hope you will enjoy it.

Until You Come Back To Me – Aretha Franklin
Though you don’t call anymore
I sit and wait in vain
I guess I’ll rap on your door
Tap on your window pane

I want to tell you baby
The changes I’ve been going through
Missing you, listen you
‘Til you come back to me
That’s what I’m gonna do

Why did you have to decide
You had to set me free?
I’m gonna swallow my pride
I’m gonna beg you to please
Baby, please see me

I’m gonna walk by myself
Just to prove that my love is true
Oh, for you baby
‘Til you come back to me
That’s what I’m gonna do

Living for you my dear
Is like living in a world of constant fear
In my plea, I’ve got to make you see
That our love is dying

Although your phone you ignore
Somehow I must
Somehow I must, I must explain
I’m gonna rap on your door
Tap on your window pane

I’m gonna camp on your step
Until I get through to you
I’ve got to change your view, baby
‘Til you come back to me
That’s what I’m gonna do

‘Til you come back to me
That’s what I’m gonna do

‘Til you come back to me
That’s what I’m gonna do

I’m gonna rap on your door
Tap on your, tap on your, tap on your
Tap on your window pane
Oh my baby, I’m gonna rap on your door
Tap on your window pane

Oh, ba-ba-baby
Oh, ba-ba-baby
Oh, ba-ba-baby
Tap on your window pane

Oh, ba-ba-baby
Oh, ba-ba-baby
Oh, ba-ba-baby

The original single from Aretha Franklin

A life version

Stevie Wonder’s version

Published on November 16, 2015 at 6:00 by

FUCK

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Published on November 13, 2015 at 6:00 by

My video clips

I’m spending a lot of time this week thinking, feeling tired and resting. My mind is stirring up a bit more today. But still, a half way post about my newest project: video clips. Half way? Better word is a start.

I do feel really happy making these clips. I don’t know why i didn’t start making video’s years ago. I even had animation at art school. But yes, 25 years ago time was really different. Computers were slow, there were no digital camera’s. A lot more hurdles to take before you could make something worthwhile. Nowadays almost everyone has a camera. Or a smartphone at least.

So i guess it is understandable i didn’t make video’s years ago. It is not much use to think about this anyway. I feel happy i’m discovering this now, that is enough.

I do need a bit of time. Take a step back and think about this, think about what i’ve made and what step i want to make next. What is most fitting, right now.

I do upload the clips to youtube. My username is ellenlfs. I already have one subscriber! I usually upload the clips half a day before i publish the post here on ellenpronk.com, so you could have a sneak peak if you wish.

For now, i will repeat all the clips i made sofar. Enjoy!

Published on November 12, 2015 at 6:00 by

A lazy day

I spend today reading. In the afternoon i fell asleep on the couch. I was so tired. I still am. So i’m gonna do nothing more for today, watch some tv and read a bit more. And then hopefully get some sleep.

Seeya tomorrow!

Published on November 11, 2015 at 6:00 by

Daydreaming

This last year felt like a storm running through my life. Daytime was ok usually, making a new present, walking, buying groceries, working if i had some work to do. Making photos, writing texts, reading, listening to music. And the last months making a video. Filming, editing, choosing the music track.

Nighttime was different. I don’t remember a single night in which i didn’t wake up. Many nights in which i couldn’t fall asleep. Many nights filled with daydreams. Basically the same daydream, but with small changes occurring over time. I know that everything i daydream will not come true. The mix of events is limitless though.

I wrote about My boyfriend a year ago.

I got a list of names, but there are many more people whose name I don’t know. And of course I got dreams. I just move another picture of a face on my boyfriend. I give him another name. Easy. It’s hard to make me not do that. Might even be impossible.

One of the themes of my daydreams is marriage. Yeah. Embarrasing. I actually do watch Say Yes to the Dress on TLC. Not every day, but when there is nothing else on, i zap to it and watch it for a short time. It is fascinating. And horrible at the same time. I don’t recognize myself in the women searching for the right dress at all, but it is still fascinating to watch. I don’t even really want to get married myself — still, a special festive day just for me and my boy friend would be truly nice.

I will be horrified if anything i daydreamed would happen to me in real life. But daydreaming doesn’t care about these culturally refined attitudes. They are about wish fulfillment. Marriage does seem to suit my needs.

The state of daydreaming is a kind of liminal state between waking (with the ability to think rationally and logically) and sleeping.

Another theme in my daydreams is fame. More specifically, the question if i could handle becoming famous myself. Up until now i haven’t been able to answer this question with a definite no or yes. When i look at my own life, i don’t see fame in itself as something i strive for. But when i look at my work, i do see the complete openness of it. From my posts here on ellenpronk.com on my past work, to the nine years of work on lfs.nl. It is all freely available for anyone to go through.

It does all boil down to the question about my futures, public or private. I should have realized that it really is not a easy question to answer. I can be almost childlike in my enthusiasm. But i do feel i need to answer this question seriously. Especially if i am asking this myself.

Of course my own objections are first in my mind. I’m too old. I’m too fat. I’m not beautiful. I’m simply not good enough.

But these are my own insecurities speaking up. Denying myself the time to really think about this question and giving me an easy way out. All circumstances are pointing that way, the way out, the way to a private life. The life i’ve lead my whole life. But i haven’t answered the question, i’ve simply pushed it behind all my personal hang-ups.

It is very tempting to daydream about options which could open up for me. Suppose i were to become famous. Simply assume this were to happen, theoretically. Someone Lisa Eldridge or Pixiwoo could put the right make-up on. I’d love that! What if they could put me in dresses especially made for me. What if i could really sing. Not like i do now, in my iPhone 4, done in an hour or two, but really sing at my best. That would be amazing! I’d love that! I can lose a few kilos over that for sure. Or not. 🙂

I am scared.

I could easily wipe away these questions. I have done so in the past, i can do it again. But i know the life behind me. It is OK. Sure. But i feel i will regret it if i stick with it. For comfort. Because of course, i’m not good enough.

So the question is not if i could handle fame. The question is if i wish that for me. An exciting life. A life full of people, friends and enemies. A life with days crammed with work to do. In which i will be tired at the end of the day.

To that, my answer is a clear YES!

Published on November 10, 2015 at 6:00 by