Patience

My post yesterday came from the bottom of my heart. This one is from even deeper: patience.

I try to live in the moment as much as possible. This year to me seems like the longest year ever in my life. Which to me is a good thing. Mainly because i do move a lot. I have been living shorter in the rooms i have been renting. I started out in the beginning with living four months, then three months, then a month each time in a room. The one before this one was only a week. This does make it feel longer.

Patience. So important. I don’t always have it, i confess. And yes, at times i am inpatient. But on the whole i do keep up, i do trust myself to do the right thing at the right time. Hopefully!

Published on November 26, 2020 at 6:00 by

Stubborn

I am stubborn. This is not something that comes out easily. I am not even sure friends realize i am this stubborn. They might, considering how i am living right now. Hopping from place to place. Staying cheerful usually. Not always of course.

I do want to lead my own life, face the consequences of my own actions. In this world. This stupid world.

I do not know what the future will bring to me. I have only my dreams, wishes, desires. And i have my life as it is right now. Hopping from room to room, talking with people about so many things: sex, the world, corona, gardening. I don’t know where this is headed to. I do wish though. Meeting people who i can genuinely call my friends. Living in a house with a garden and a large kitchen, in which i can cook meals for the people around me. Leading a life which is worth living. Talking to so many people all around the world about the current state, about how we want the world to be, want it to become. Living a life true to myself. Fighting.

Not this nasty little world with its nasty little rules and its nasty little people keeping me down and keeping me locked up inside. No!

Freedom! Hallelujah!

Published on November 25, 2020 at 6:00 by

Grumpy

Feeling a bit grumpy today. I did go to the garden this afternoon. It was quite busy. It did fall to me to try to spread everybody out and divide the jobs in a good way. I must say, a day like this made me feel happy i do not do this work the whole time. Very tiresome. Once in a while is good though.

I will move to a new room next week. I decided that today. Happy with that. Loosing the grumpiness a bit now.

Published on November 23, 2020 at 6:00 by

Sunshine in November

Wednesday morning i worked on a new video page for ellenpronk.com. I spend most of the time crying. Not out of sadness, no, more out of emotion. It has been a while since i have seen this videos, and they really touched me. I remember filming them with my iPhone or camera, editing them, combining them with the music i had chosen for each. I see the growth in each one of them. Happy i am working on these pages. Good i see the possibility to make the content of this website a bit more open.

Published on November 19, 2020 at 6:00 by

Communal gardens

Over the past months during talks in the gardens i mentioned an article posted in the Guardian: Architects hope to tear down garden fences of England’s future homes. Architects searching for a new way to have a garden, away from the private ones going to communal gardens.

Patrick Usborne, the director of Perpendicular, which oversaw another winning entry using wood panels made from British-only timber, said: “There’s an English perception that owning your castle needs its own land. But if we are to improve community cohesion we need to remove the ubiquitous rear garden and bring together external spaces for the community.”

This idea speaks to me. While i sit in my room i watch outside and see the small private gardens with the hedges and little grassy areas and small sheds. What if this was a communal area with an area for children to play in, a few vegetable beds for growing your own tomatoes, beans and cabbage, an area where you can barbecue with friends or family, a few flower areas with benches where you can sit on your own and read a book.

Even in this article the forces opposing this new direction are strong.

But entrants fear their designs will be resisted by builders determined to stick with existing blueprints for homes. Volume housebuilders are poised to erect hundreds of thousands of new homes to their standard designs on greenfield sites under planning changes announced earlier this month.

I think in the Netherlands there are already new ideas being developed. But most of the houses built are of the same blueprint. What if you want a shared garden space, a house with separate rooms for people living by themselves, houses for families with young children, smaller houses for older people. What if you want to use an app to reserve space in the garden for a certain day. What if you want to share the space outside with other people, and not have your own little tiled house extension.

I love this idea. Hopefully this will be put to good use in the near future.

Published on November 18, 2020 at 6:00 by

The Now

In my teens years i read a lot of science fiction. Frank Herbert’s Dune, books written by Robert Heinlein, Jack Vance, Ursula Le Guin. Tolkien of course. Scifi and fantasy books.

Time travel was a popular topic. It is an easy way to play with time and the world and the rules of the universe. You can move back and forth. You can clean up a room, make it all neat once again. You can go back to school and imagine you are young once more.

But you are not. You never do go back. Not in reality.

We all, we all who live on this world, this earth, this planet, this universe, we all move forward with each other. And each now fades away, each now is impossible to catch, each now is nothing in your hands.

This morning we talked about this for a short time on the market. I talked about those moments we all remember, those moments something significant changed. Those moments the airplanes flew into the World Trade Centers. Those moments the Berlin Wall fell down. Those moments Princes Diana died. Those moments seared into your mind. Those moments most of us were all focused on these events taking place, all living in the same time, occupied with the same thing happening. Those moment the now ticks away the seconds and moves on and on and on.

Tick tick tick …

Most of the time each person lives in his or her own world. But there are times when something significant happens in the world. When all people talk about the same thing. Currently COVID-19 is that thing. Not for me personally i have to say. I am not scared, not worried.

I do think about these moments when most people are looking a certain way, talking about a certain thing. I wonder if i would like to be in the center of such an attention span. Hmm, i think i say that wrong. Not would like to be, but if i could handle it, keep inside me, not forget about what i want in life. Which to me is so important.

On the market i actually sang along. …Baby one more time from Britney Spears. Happy to do so.

Yay!

Published on November 16, 2020 at 6:00 by