Author Archives for Ellen

In town and during lunch

11 July 2025

After having lunch, this time a salmon sandwich, a cappuccino and a strawberry shell, I walk back through town over the high street. I looked at most of the people, not openly, but more hidden. My hands folded like I was praying. I took some photos in the midst of everyone.

I feel good 🙂

13 July 2025

I had my lunch at Donner this afternoon. I read the newspaper as usual. Two articles caught my eye: one about peace and deescalation, the other one about humans and nature and the different sorts of relation between them. Both i read carefully. I don;t have clear thought about these things. I did wonder though where the European countries would buy most of the war stuff. Yeah, of course. The United States. And Europe itself of course.

Published on July 14, 2025 at 6:00 by
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Diary entries

1 July 2025
I’m sitting on a bench in front of a sustainable furniture shop next to Spirit and Gimsel. People are walking, biking, driving by. Today it is warm, the warmest day of the year sofar.
It all looks calm.

I just had lunch at Spirit. While I am writing this someone sat besides me and asked me for money. I said no.

2 July 2025
A warm day once again. Until five o’clock. Then the rain started, with a little bit of thunder and lightning. I put the window to the garden open. Outside it is cooler now.

I just had a talk with my friend and house lord. He is not sure I can stay here until 31 December. It is making me anxious. And it is all my own fault of course. Selling my house just like that. It is difficult. Damn.

4 July 2025
I have this knot inside me. I am thinking about what i will do next, and i do not know. I read. I watch the new season of the Sandman, i play wow, the prepatch for Mists of Pandaria. But it is all just a distraction.

But i keep going on. I don’t let it defeat me. Not yet.

I still haven’t given up. It is tempting though.

6 July 2025
I am still not sure which way is the best to go. I need to go through this anxious feeling i have. Joyfulness is so much nicer!

Published on July 7, 2025 at 6:00 by
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Parts of my life

I am born in 1964, 26 February at five minutes past twelve after midnight. Now 61 years ago. And a couple of months.

My first memory came back to me in a dream when i was around twenty years old. IN the dream a photo was made of me. I lost the photo, but it does exist still.

I have many more memories. I will not go over them once more, but you are of course free to read them yourself now.

The past three years i have been working. Simple work. I don’t always like it, but its good for me right now. It is useful. I help people with cleaning up their homes. Not my ultimate wish, but i do enjoy it mostly.

But i do feel sad, scared, some of the time. I know it was my own choosing to sell my house. I can only blame myself. I sometimes wish i hadn’t sold it. On the other hand, i am happy with the past five years and all i experienced in that time.

I simply gotta keep on going.

Salute!

Published on June 16, 2025 at 6:00 by
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I can not believe

I almost stopped working here.

I can not believe it.

I almost stopped.

So i’m back here. Yes! I’m angry. Furious! Livid!

Ooh damn it.

Well, i have many more things to say, but right now, this is enough.

—

Mon 9 June 10:30

Of course, underneath it all, i’m terribly sad. The only solution i see is to keep on working. I find it difficult to do that. But i am still, be it slowly. I hope in a few weeks i will publish my new video clip. No matter the anger and sadness i feel right now. Just keep on working.

Published on June 9, 2025 at 6:00 by
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