One thought came up, after i published Now, three weeks ago. One area i missed, one area most people have experienced.

Falling in love. Having sex, together. Drowning in each other. Kissing. Fully. Feeling the warmth of a human body close to you. Inside you. The beating of another heart close to yours. The breath of this person caressing your body. The tenderness of lightly touching this persons cheeks, his hair, his arms. Melting away.

I did only have proper sex with one other person. I wasn’t really in love with him. I liked him. Still, when we broke up, it hurt me. Confused me. I remember thinking that i should be more careful next time. Not knowing it would be at least twenty four years away.

The past three years i was in and out of love. One time somebody i met. Other times someone completely out of reach. As i said a few weeks ago, i like to attract and keep my distance at the same time.

Before, in my quiet period, between 2007 and 2014, sex was almost nonexistant. Sometimes i masturbated, but only once every month or so. It felt almost like i had to. Like imwas reaching for something out of reach. Wanting the desire back, but not knowing how. Then the past three years, it almost felt like it was too much.

It has slowed down a little. And it was still something i did all on my own. My dreams have changed over time. In the beginning it was all very far away. My own needs and desires were what drove me. My own needs and desires are still very important to me, sure. But there is another party involved. Quiet. Yes. But getting closer. More real. To me anyway.

Now. This moment in time, impossible to grasp. It is gone the moment you take it. In love, this moment stretches out to infinity. In love, this moment gives the ultimate presence.


Published on October 27, 2017 at 6:00 by

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