Following

Today wasn’t a productive day. This entire week wasn’t that productive, to be honest. I felt too happy. My mind was racing. I did get new ideas for posts. New ideas for the future. But not yet the time to write them down. I will, of course. But yes, getting a bit quieter in my mind is important. So today i simply read a bit, washed myself thoroughly, with warm water. A friend came by with dumpster dived bread, with raisins and nuts. Lovely! And i watched Star Trek Discovery. I quite like it. I do hope i am getting ready. Well, like i have been over the past fifty three years. It does feel to me to be so obvious, so clear. Looking back on my life, the way i have felt before, living it. All the feelings i have hidden away. All the adjustments i made, trying to fit in. I just never really did.

Well. I threw the I Ching. Following. With a changing second line, bringing me back to the Joyous. Good signs. Being the youngest daughter, this sign always felt close to me.

Ooh… there is one more thing. My father died in October. My mother called my last Saturday and told me. She had read it in a newspaper. He died 16 October 2017. He was 88 years old. I hadn’t seen him in almost thirty years.

My father was the person who pushed me away. And now he is gone. I haven’t cried a tear over him. He has been out of my life for so long. So yes, now he is gone. He left me with a few happy memories. But most are not. Goodbye daddy.

Published on November 3, 2017 at 6:00 by
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Groceries

I do need to be really careful with money. These are the items i bought today. In the supermarket food for my cat, milk for breakfast (oat porridge), a carrot for my spaghetti and minced beef and tomato sauce, sauerkraut for next week. At the organic butcher i bought the minced beef. Which was more expensive than everything i bought in the supermarket together.
The two receipts
The spaghetti, onions and tomato pasta sauce i got this weekend from a friend from his dumpster diving activities. The leeks are from the garden. The bread i found in a plant standing outside of the butcher, a bit old, but still completely packaged and not eaten by anyone at all.
My dinner this evening. I will have more sauce for at least two more days, maybe even three more.

I still need a couple of things from the supermarket which i will get tomorrow. Butter and sugar. I do try to minimize the sugar i eat for my diabetes, but i do like around one tablespoon in my oats porridge in the morning, together with a bit of butter. Butter i used to buy in the market, but the price has been going up lately. In the supermarket it is cheaper right now. Eggs i still buy at the market, together with some vegetables. Last week i only got onions there.

It is a challenge living within such a tight budget. Quite enjoyable, for a limited time.

Published on November 2, 2017 at 6:00 by
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A good day in the garden

Mushrooms growing in the wood chips pile. No idea if they are edible. So, when in doubt, do not eat!
A worm in the wood chips
Emily shows it's good
A portrait of the wheelbarrow
Bob working on decimating the nettles and thistle
A centipede in the compost
And a bug - no idea what sort this is
Building the compost bin
Straight!
Screwing
Down there
And filling it up
Dancing and stamping and jumping!
Published on November 1, 2017 at 6:00 by
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Stranger things

I still feel ridiculously happy. After a fab weekend with two parties, today was a bit quieter. I watched three episodes of the new season of Stranger things. I watched the first season a year ago. I love the kids playing the lead part. Eleven is wonderful. And of course i know the 80s well, i lived through it.

I’m only halfway the new season episodes, it is hard for me to have a clear perspective on it. I do enjoy it. Thoroughly.

Later in the day, after i updated the operating system from 10.8 to 10.13, i watched an episode of the Filosofisch Kwintet. How do we deal with the current technological giants and their commercial use of our data? Is there a good way to deal with it? On a personal level, a social and a political level.

The episode is in english with dutch subtitles.

I’m gonna watch some more Stranger Things for now.

Enjoy your day!

Published on October 31, 2017 at 6:00 by
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Wintertime

Friday late in the afternoon i got my computer back. Fast! Fast! The solid state drive feels like, superfast. Of course, now i realize my old hard drive was so slow because of the problems with it. Photoshop now starts up in ten seconds. Not five minutes. The smaller size means i had to put older files on my external hard drive. Not a big issue.

Yesterday, Saturday evening, i had a party. I baked a quince cake to bring along with me. And there was live music. Which was great. Excellent. A proper music jam, with anyone willing participating. With violinist, a vibraphone, keyboards, guitar, several different banging instruments. Lovely. The gin and tonic did get me down. I do remember walking back home not in a straight line. And falling asleep!

And this Sunday evening there was Samhain in the garden. I made a potato and onion adn thyme dish which cooked on the fire. And a salad – with all green harvested in the garden. And music too! I sang along for a bit. Good.

Now i’m home. Tired. Not as drunk as i was yesterday. I’ll hop into bed after i have written this post.

Happy! So happy!

Published on October 30, 2017 at 6:00 by
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Soon

One thought came up, after i published Now, three weeks ago. One area i missed, one area most people have experienced.

Falling in love. Having sex, together. Drowning in each other. Kissing. Fully. Feeling the warmth of a human body close to you. Inside you. The beating of another heart close to yours. The breath of this person caressing your body. The tenderness of lightly touching this persons cheeks, his hair, his arms. Melting away.

I did only have proper sex with one other person. I wasn’t really in love with him. I liked him. Still, when we broke up, it hurt me. Confused me. I remember thinking that i should be more careful next time. Not knowing it would be at least twenty four years away.

The past three years i was in and out of love. One time somebody i met. Other times someone completely out of reach. As i said a few weeks ago, i like to attract and keep my distance at the same time.

Before, in my quiet period, between 2007 and 2014, sex was almost nonexistant. Sometimes i masturbated, but only once every month or so. It felt almost like i had to. Like imwas reaching for something out of reach. Wanting the desire back, but not knowing how. Then the past three years, it almost felt like it was too much.

It has slowed down a little. And it was still something i did all on my own. My dreams have changed over time. In the beginning it was all very far away. My own needs and desires were what drove me. My own needs and desires are still very important to me, sure. But there is another party involved. Quiet. Yes. But getting closer. More real. To me anyway.

Now. This moment in time, impossible to grasp. It is gone the moment you take it. In love, this moment stretches out to infinity. In love, this moment gives the ultimate presence.

You.

Published on October 27, 2017 at 6:00 by
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Wednesday 25 October 2017

This morning i brought my laptop to the Apple repair shop close by. It will be checked first. Then i will decide what repairs i will get made. A big factor is if it possible to het a backup of the current hd. I’m not sure. Later today the shop called me and told me it didn’t get a copy yet. They will letnit running the night.

So, if its not possible, i will get a smaller solid state hd. I might even get a smaller one if they can get a backup. I still have my external hd with room for this backup.

Later today i went to the city hall for a presentation about a single green talking window. Right now it is spread over several different areas. It is good to get to know more people who are working in gardens and who are active in Rotterdam trying to get more people involved. It is important. Politics isn’t really my thing, but it is good to witness these talks and presentations.

Enjoy your day! Talk more tomorrow. Bye bye!

Published on October 26, 2017 at 6:00 by
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Working day

This morning i cooked the pumpkin. Just before eleven o’clock i went to the garden on the Hofbogen. Coffee! Stroopwafels! We cleaned up the bit besides the walking platform. I harvested the chard, the salad leaves, the parsley and the Newzealand spinach. We talked and smiled and laughed. Ooh and i slipt and fell. Wham! No major injury, but still, tomorrow i could have some tension in me shoulder and neck area.

This afternoon i baked the third cake. The vegan pumpkin cake. Daniël came by after five to get all three cakes for their presentation this evening.

And now i’m tired. But also a bit relieved. Today the money for the repair of my computer is transfered.

So, a good day. Yay!

Salute!

Published on October 25, 2017 at 6:00 by
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Inner Truth

Today i baked two cakes for tomorrow. A Jewish Apple cake. A Beetroot and Ginger cake. I will bake a third one tomorrow. The vegan Pumpkin cake. All three are for an event. And yes, i will get paid for them.

I also went to the library. Got a new book and watched chess. It was busy! Many people sitting around the chessboard. I had to leave after a bit, to get home for the cakebaking.

I wasn’t thinking about writing this post. I did yesterday. I enjoyed the Buitenhof broadcast i saw yesterday morning. Spain, Schiphol’s expansion and our lack of making a different way forward. Far away holidays, out industrial monoculture agriculture, all the superfluous packaging. In the past year and a half my life has changed so much, i can imagine this happening to so many other people. I am even thinking about wiping my bottom with cloth after a pee. Mostly for saving money, sure, only for the small wees, of course, but still, it is a big step. For me.

this evening i threw the I Ching. It’s been a while. I got Inner Truth, with a changing line on the third place. With the end sign The Taming Power of the Small. Nice ones.

It is nice sitting here on the couch typing this on the iPad.

*grin*

Bye bye!

Published on October 24, 2017 at 6:00 by
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Broken

Two weeks. Two whole weeks.

A broken computer got to me. Two weeks ago, on Saturday morning, i startend to upgrade my system. And i never finished it. A S.M.A.R.T. error. And me with my stupid head thought i could fix it. Of course not. Worse, my computer didn’t start up anymore.

My most recent password file is on my laptop. There is one on the backup of my iMac, a year old. Of course the two most important passwords didn’t work for me. My email and this website. I left it. A couple of days ago i got my email werking again. And today, Sunday, i resetted the password for this website.

I am using my iPad to post this. Which is fine for now. Luckily a friend will lend me the money to fix my computer. Hopefully this week.

Yes, this got to me. Bad. I do feel better now.

Salute!

Published on October 23, 2017 at 6:00 by
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