When i woke up, set up my oatmeal porridge to cook for around twenty minutes, i watched the first episode of Onbehagen: de nieuwe wanorde, Discomfort, the new disorder. Bas Heijne looks into this feeling of discomfort and division.
After opening the Tuin op Hofbogen i went to the Vredestuin, the Peace Garden, to empty my bag with sawdust and cat’s pee. A man and his young child were sitting there. He said a friend of his worked in the old Shell building. When he visited him on Monday, he saw the garden for the first time out of the window. So today he went to see it up closer. his little girl gave me a seed of a avocado. Do you know what that is? He asked. The seed of a avocado i replied. You’re right he said.
Rombout came by. He came to the garden to get a soil driller, een grondboor. I assume that is the English name for it. It is not in my Dutch – English dictionary.
Back home i played a little World of Warcraft. I’m level 109 now, soon to be 110. I do enjoy playing the game. Very much on my own, but that is ok.
I saw on Facebook that Bram Ladage was selling potato chips for fifty cents between 13.00 and 16.00 hours today. I couldn’t resist it, shortly after 13.00 i went out and walked to the Markthal. They had made a waiting row before the Bram. I got a chips with fritessauce and peanutsauce. War.
On my way back i went into the second hand bookseller De Slegte. Philosophy, gardening, cooking, history, fantasy, science fiction. Just before the entrance i saw a couple of books written by the Dalai Lama. I bought the one called Meer Liefde, More Love. Not sure why. But i do feel love is extremely important. Anytime anywhere. I already read a few pages. I like the style of the book. A good one to read for me right now.
After that i walked home. On the Binnenrotte two young people approached me, asking if i would like to sing a few songs for the radio. FunX. I sang two songs: Lauw from Boef and another one. I forgot the name. It’ll be broadcasted next week. Not sure i will remember to listen. I enjoyed it though!
Added Thursday morning: after closing the garden yesterday evening, I walked past the Vredestuin. I saw Hilde working there, rooting out the grass in the grassfield surrounding the Vredestuin. I sat on the edge of the round square and we chatted a bit. She called herself weird, raar, for working in the garden this late and all by herself. I said it was remarkable. We all are remarkable.
I completely forgot to make photos of the new bloom bed i seeded in today together with Lydia. I’ll make photos once the seeds start sprouting.
One of the many times i threw the I Ching, many years ago, i got the sign The Wanderer. I remember thinking, feeling, ‘this is right’. A good meaningful sign for me. For my life. Wandering. Not out and about. Not traveling. But wandering from person to person. From group to group. Not something i want to do, not something i do with intention. Something that happens to me.
The last group i fell into is the gardening group.
I love the garden. I love being in there. I love photographing it. Filming it. Working in it.
I love the people working in the garden. We talk. About our current society. About capitalism. About Marx. About the garden. About anarchy. About Mars. Terra forming Mars. Moving to Mars. No!!
But i do know a large part of me isn’t in the garden. A large part is here, in ellenpronk.com, in lfs.nl. In my photos, my movies, my drawings, my thoughts.
I am still growing up. I do feel progress. I am getting a bit more control over myself. But i still make many mistakes, many ill judgements. Learning every single day. Thinking about the day. Figuring out what to do next. Make my excuses when i need to.
I have this temporary space. A bit of money and a place to live. I am already working on a new movie. It will be a month or two i think before it is finished.
I do believe in myself. I do trust myself.
If i felt a shred of doubt, it would be over. Done for. I don’t feel that.
Salute!
