Author Archives for Ellen

A few nights ago i was lying awake in the middle of the night. Thoughts raced through my mind. I was writing a post. Mad as hell! I will remember this, i thought. I will write this up. It is important.

The only thing i remember now is the title. Mad as hell. I sort of know i could recall more, if i do my best. If i really think about it, if i try to get it back.

But no, i won’t do that. I have learned over the years that i need to give some things time to develop, to grow into fruition. If i need to do something, i simply need to give it time. It will come to me when it wants to. No need to force it.

This morning i got the thought of this post i’m writing now. Thinking about this process. I like it!

The rest of the day i will work on my drawing. This afternoon i will go to the Harvest Market on the Wilgenplantsoen. Tomorrow i will finish my drawing and post it. Four months! And even this week i got some new ideas to put into it. And some old ideas i finally drew in.

I am happy with it. Truly happy.

Chance determines a large part of our lives. Chance gives us the families we are born in, the country we are born in. Chance determines our initial position and setup. Chance gives each person in this world a different environment to grow up in. If you are lucky. Sometimes chance makes you terminally ill. Sometimes chance prevents a person from being born at all.

Each life brings its own challenges, troubles, hurdles and boundaries. Some determined by chance, others determined by actions taken earlier in life. The older you get, the more your life seems set, determined by decisions made earlier. Whether you have a partner, children, a job, money, a house, family, friends. Most people make the big decisions in their late twenties and early thirties. Partner and children most of the time.

This is not a golden rule though. To me personally, i still feel freedom. I still love to let my mind run free. Let my thoughts roam around, trying to find something to think about. I still dream, fantasize. I can still cry over what my mind brings up to me. Like i did today, while i listen to music and fantasize over dancing and singing away in front of an audience.

I’m not saying i am the only one living like this. I do think it takes a conscious effort to keep this feeling of freedom and dreaming and fantasizing intact over the course of your life. And i can only speak for myself. I strive to keep this feeling alive and well. It makes life very enjoyable. Apart from all the hassles 🙂