Author Archives for Ellen

“Hope” is the thing with feathers—

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

Emily Dickinson (1830 – 1886)

Published on August 20, 2021 at 6:00 by


Talasbuan is a channel on Youtube i found a week ago. Talasbuan is from two people living in an off grid small holding, a fäbod, in the middle part of Sweden. They are building up a small farm, with sheep, pigs, chickens and a couple of roosters and some rabbits (which might have been gone now, not sure). I love the style of the videos they are posting, about nature surrounding them, the work they do, building up the wooden small houses for themselves and their animals, their little kid Ivar and so much more.

I’m in the process of reading all the information they are giving. The Weston A Price foundation website is a new thing for me. I do see many similarities with my ketogenic diet. They both put the emphasis on cooking your meals yourself, not using any premade foodstuff. I will come back to this subject.

That is it for now. Enjoy the videos, and please, check out their youtube channel Talasbuan and their website Talasbuan yourself.

Published on August 19, 2021 at 6:00 by

What i do not want

I enjoy watching Escape to the Country. I do think earlier, a couple of years ago, i would like to live in a house like those shown in there. Especially the above 600k pounds one of course. But lately, for the past couple of months, i do realise i do not want this. Not anymore. I do not want the peace and quiet. I do not want the lazy drawn out afternoons. I do not want to walk outside over the fields and the footpaths. Not anymore.

I put on weight. I drank a bottle of wine each day. This lasted until 2011, when i got the diagnosis of diabetes 2. I didn’t think much about it at first. I took my medicines. I did stop drinking that much, but still a bottle of wine each week. I have lost around twenty kilos, i’m happy to say. The final ten are a pain, but i do hope i will manage somehow. And around two years ago i stopped drinking alcohol pretty much all together. Two bottles a year, one for Christmas, one for my birthday. And i might even stop with those. Together with the ketogenic diet i do feel i’m stopping the development of the diabetes somehow. And getting healthier at the same time.

I haven’t been working in the garden for the last few months. I’m not sure why. It does feel like i should take a bit more distance, decide what i want to do there, if anything. It feels like i should make some important decisions. Some decisions i can not talk about with other people. Yes that is it. I do feel something looming over me. The past two weeks i have not been my usual cheery self. I am stuck in front of something. I do need to determine what direction i want to move into. It is all a bit muddy inside my head. But it should clear up over time.

Published on August 17, 2021 at 6:00 by

Ketogenic diet

On June 12 2019 i wrote my first post about the keto diet, called Keto chocolate chip almond flour cookies. I am on this journey for around three years now. From low carb to keto. And now i’m quite strict with myself. I don’t drink any alcohol, i buy a 90% chocolate bar once or twice a week, i stopped putting erythritol in my coffee, i don’t eat any bread. No pasta, no rice, no potatoes. I have some chorizo in my cupboard upstairs, walnuts. I make my own dressing for salads. I breakfast with a bulletproof coffee, a double espresso with a knob of butter and some cream. I lunch with a salad with mushrooms, bell peppers, cucumber, tomatoes, and either an egg or feta or smoked salmon. My dinner is usually a baked sausage or chicken thigh and veggies like spinach or cauliflower or another salad.

I did measure my glucose before i wrote this post, it is 6,0 mmol/L, which is fine. A month ago i measure it for around a week multiple times a day, it was between 5 and 6 the whole time.

In my room i have some tea, walnuts, chorizo and chocolate.
In the kitchen i have some eggs, anchovies, peppers, aubergine (eggplant), tomatoes, apple vinegar, olive oil, olives and coconut oil.
In the fridge i have a cauliflower, spinach, chicket, cucumber, bacon, ham, cream, butter, cottage cheese and cream cheese.
My dinner this evening: aubergine fried, then a whole tin of anchovies, three gloves of garlic, chicken, green olives, bell peppers and a tin of tomatoes. Stewed for around 45 minutes. Lovely.
Published on August 13, 2021 at 6:00 by


Early in the morning i put my dirty clothes and bed linen in the washing machine. I went downstairs and got my double espresso with a bit of butter and some whipping cream. In the morning i do go through all the new things on my iPad: Feedly with my rss-feeds first, than a bit of facebook, youtube, twitter, Flipboard. The game i play right now is Shop Titans. I don’t pay anything for it, so it goes slow. Then i start up my computer, check my mail and start up a game of warcraft. I’m on my second private server in a week. Just checking out the game.

In the afternoon i went out for a short walk, which got even shorter because of the rainfall. I went into the supermarket AH for some shopping: some veggies, sausages, walnuts and whipping cream. Back home. Lucky it was dry then.

I feel better. I don’t worry too much. I still have confidence in myself. Lucky!

Published on August 10, 2021 at 6:00 by

Learning nothing

Sometimes i think i should stop trying to write something here on this blog. I fail at it so many times. I’m much better making photographs and making drawings. Or in singing songs, even though i’m not very good at that either.

I guess i enjoy failing at writing too much. Or at drawing! I just got back to working at my drawing, and after a short time i found myself full of doubts. Was this drawing the one i wanted to make? Really? I stopped and i’m giving myself some time to think about this. I’m not sure to be honest.

Yesterday i went to the library with the thought i would get the book called De grote mythen van de moderne geschiedenis (The great myths of modern history) once again. I didn’t find it. The day before i was thinking about so many non-truths which are spread around. This book discusses a few of them. (I just went to the website of the library and made a reservation for this book. I can get it tomorrow or the day after. Yay!)

I do feel hopeless. I feel stuck in a place. I’m still not giving up. I still think there are ways of speaking here which i haven’t found yet. Not about knowing, no. More about being unsure, being ill at ease. Which is what i am right now. That is much closer to it. I do hope i can find it.

Published on August 9, 2021 at 6:00 by