Author Archives for Ellen
75. Greed
People are starving.
The rich gobble taxes,
that’s why people are starving.
People rebel.
The rich oppress them,
that’s why people rebel.
People hold life cheap.
The rich make it too costly,
that’s why people hold it cheap.
But those who don’t live for the sake of living
are worth more than the wealth-seekers.
Source: Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu
Translated by Ursula K. Le Guin
Published on February 8, 2022 at 6:00 by Ellen
Categorised in: Books, films and TV
Silent
What do i do?
My life lately has been difficult. I am scared. My future lack of money, my future descent into nothingness. So it seems. But i am also elated, joyful, happy. I trust myself and my work. They will save me.
I hope.
Today, Thursday, i got out of bed around a quarter to five in the morning. Yesterday evening i felt so happy. It was hard to contain.
I’m tired. But it will get better. Over the past few weeks.
Salute!
70. Being obscure
My words are so easy to understand,
so easy to follow,
and yet nobody in the world
understands or follows them.
Words come from an ancestry,
deeds from a mastery:
when these are unknown, so am I.
In my obscurity
is my value.
That’s why the wise
wear their jade under common clothes.
Source: Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu
Translated by Ursula K. Le Guin
Published on February 3, 2022 at 6:00 by Ellen
Categorised in: Books, films and TV
Myself
Tick Tock
Time never stops. Each second ticks away into the past. Relentlessly.
We have divided the time we have in seconds, minutes, hours, days, years. Make them countable. Make them measurable. We can say how many seconds we have lived up until now. Now. Now! The world turns around the sun; this is the basis of our division of time. Spring, winter, summer, autumn. It is the tilt of the earth in connection of its orbit around the sun which causes our seasons.
The passage of time does trouble me. I have only four months or so until my money runs out. I still am not giving up my quest for telling a comprehensive story. For showing people where i am at right now. To be open and genuine with what i want to say. I am still not thinking of quitting this search.
Let it go. Conform to the current working ethic. Work or you will find yourself homeless. Please.
It is a quest. Seven years since i started to work again on my website. But really, it all started when i was twenty-one, that day in February when i made my drawings. Which turned out to be so important to me.
Tick tock. Times moves forward. A part of me wants to hold back time. Another part of me wants it to move on faster, faster. Its no use of course. Time keeps on ticking endlessly.
Tick tock.
Past days and nights
Yesterday morning someone asked me the following question at the harvest market: ‘Do i think i have something to say to the world?’ I thought about this for a short time. ‘Yes’ i said ‘i do think that i have something to say to the world. But i do think most people have something to say, if not all. What hurts me is that we are learned not to say anything.’
I felt happy with this answer. I still do.
Last night i was lying awake for a time in the middle of the night. I was thinking of a post i wanted to write. I have half forgotten this now. But this morning when i woke up the memory was still close to me.
It had something to do with this book i started reading yesterday: Hare Brain Tortoise Mind. Why Intelligence Increases When You Think Less written by Guy Claxton. Published in the late 90s, it is about the difference between being smart and clever and being intuitive and creative. Currently the main focus of what we learn in school and university and in life is the first one: being smart and clever. Deduce and calculate your way into a job or being rich or whatever.
In my life right now my main working attitude is intuitive and creative. I actually need to learn to be smart and clever. To become well-known. To not worry about money anymore.
But my thoughts of last night keep staying away from me, i’m sad to say. I do hope they or any thoughts worth writing up here on this website will come back to me. Or i will get up out of bed in the middle of the night and write them up. Do that!
In a whirlwind
I was thinking. Just yet. What am i gonna write today? I went upstairs. I’m taking care of the cat of my neighbour who lives above me. I played with Joep. He/she is quite fierce. Slapping me with his paw. Not with the nails out. I gave him some fresh water and cleaned up her litter box.
Downstairs again. I made a cup of tea. And then this thought came up. So i got my first bit.
I am watching a youtube video called Talking masculinity with the ‘most dangerous therapist in the world’, Jerry Hide. It made me think of what kind of man i am interested in. What kind of man i would like to be interested in me. Not sure i am there yet. I will watch it from where i left and return here. Be right back!
I hope i have something to say. It feels to me that i do. I think in the past i have felt portions of this. I remember in the past couple of years moments of clarity. They do pass. I need to work at it. It is all muddled through.
I hope my life is part of a story. A narrative. I am actually fighting against it. I know i need to give up fighting this battle. Go with it, not against it. But this is so hard. It is still not clear enough for me. It is a mess. I still have this believe in my own free will. I take direction in my life. It is all up to me. But it is not. It feels to me that once i give up fighting, once i can set my life in its own course, than i can simply gain my life back. Because right now it doesn’t feel like my life at all. Right now i have my head full of dreams, but nothing on the outside as proof of these dreams. That they exist, they are mine.
That is it for today. I hope you have a good weekend. Salute!
What is present
This moment… relatively speaking, we can call it present. But if we look at the watch, then our minute consists of seconds. Seconds also can be divided to 60 pieces. Then, within one millisecond there is also past and future. So, half is past, half is future. No present. We cannot find the present. Without present, there is no basis for past and future. So, if we don’t investigate in such a way, then generally we can say “present”. Present minute means one minute period. Present hour means sixty minutes period. Today, present day, is 24 hours. Present month is 30 days. Isn’t it? Present eon is billions of years. Everything is relative.