The accident

Well.

Yesterday i went to the storage business. A bit far out in a industrial estate park at the edge of Rotterdam. I walked back, past the house i used to live in between 1985 and 1995. I remember thinking i could take a tram, but i decided against it. I like to walk.

Then i found myself lying on the pavement. I fell straight down. I felt my mouth. Blood was on my hands. And i saw a broken tooth in front of me. I was stunned. Shocked. My teeth! With my tongue i felt the broken front tooth. The tooth besides it was bend inward. Someone said to me the blood was coming from the upperlip of my mouth. Someone gave me some paper handkerchiefs.

Stunned.

People walked on. I sat there feeling totally helpless. A young student passing by talked to me and first phones the ambulance. Not serious enough. I could talk, a little bit. I told him a taxi would be good. I thought of going to the first aid department in the closest hospital, the Erasmus. I stood up. I was still conscious. I had not blacked out. I didn’t feel dizzy. Or nauseous. But i was not right.

I said goodbye to the young student. If you ever read this post, thank you for your help!

When i came at the hospital some people looked at me. Luckily i had to wait only around five minutes to get called by a nurse and get my first investigation. If i had a tetanus injection the past ten years. Hmm no. How i felt. Well, i felt sort of not too bad. But i was worried about my mouth. About my teeth. I felt completely mutilated. My mind wend back to that moment i fell. Why? Why didn’t i lift up my feet? Why did i trip over such a small curb? Why didn’t i break my fall with my hands? Why?

It was too late to think these thoughts. It had happened. I could only deal with the aftermaths. Try to keep my head straight.

A doctor came in and went through my arms and legs and head and stomach and eyes. Nothing there. Luckily. She called another doctor to see if they should suture the wound in my mouth. The upper part of my lip had a wound from the inside out. Completely through. One suture on the outside, one on the inside, they said. And i should get a CT scan. I’m over forty, they said. To be sure, they said.

Another nurse came by to bring me to the CT scanner. I closed my eyes while i was lying in there. My first time in such a contraption. I didn’t think there was anything wrong in there, but i was happy they were careful and did everything by the book.

Next to the first aid there was a emergency dentist. After all was done and said, the doctor brought me there. I wanted to be sure. To have a professional opinion. My side tooth was not broken, but it was pointed inward. A dentist came by and asked me when it had happened. A quarter past four, half past four i said. She nodded. And my broken tooth. Damn!

I got a anesthesia injection. That would hurt, she said. But i was still having the sedation i got from the suture. I didn’t feel a thing. It felt like the dentist pulled my tooth straight with her hands. Pretty sure that wasn’t happening. But it was fine. I felt with my tongue the inside of my teeth. It was right! I felt so happy. It was fixed! So happy!

Than the dentist made a porcelain bit added to my front tooth. Temporarily. I will need to get it fixed later on. But this made me so happy. I was looking a bit more normal.

Well, a bit more. I still look mutilated.

I got a taxi back home. Ted and Assie i had called earlier. They were shocked when they saw me. My mouth swollen up. The glass in my glasses was scratched. I need to get a new glass. Damn.

Last night i slept sort of good. My knee hurts. My mouth hurts. My body aches. But i will be alright. In the end.

And i wonder. The sort of seborrheic dermatitis i have for the past year. Around my mouth, my nose, my eyes and eyebrows. So visible. And now this. So visible. It is hard for me to believe this is all a coincidence. I do believe we shape our own life. I’m not sure what to make of this though. It does remind me of what i was saying last week to a friend. I feel like i’m finding my own voice. I’m finding what i want to say, how i want to say it. And that makes me really happy, gloriously happy. And an accident like this pulls me right back.

In the end, i’ll be fine in a few weeks.

*sigh*