A chat

Last week, on New Year’s Eve, i had a talk with Ronald. I have said the same thing to him times before, and i said it once more: I will be famous! Soon! So he said aha! i will bring some paper and a pen, so you can put your autograph on them ten times. Last Friday i reminded him of that. So today he did bring some paper and a pen with him. I did bring some paper with me today as well, anyway. So ten autographs he got! Dated.

I gave all the others an autograph as well. That was a quick decision. Not really thoroughly thought out. Someone commented on it, at the end of the afternoon. Hmmm. He questioned my strange behaviour of giving my autographs away. I wasn’t sure how to respond to it. Without bringing the world into it. But i did say i would become famous in the next couple of weeks. Which is more me saying something so i could believe in it. To get used to it maybe? I also said that having that talk with him at that time was helping me.

It is strange. How each and everyone of us is living in his or her own world. How each and everyone of us is believing something to be true. We all need to take care of ourselves. Nobody else will help us. We all need to work. We all need to earn money. To pay the rent. Or mortgage. To pay for food. To pay for internet access. To pay for energy.

Now, i got my work. This website. This website is the center of my life. What i do here means the world to me. These five posts a week, published at six CET in the morning, they are so important to me.

But for me it is very difficult to tell the whole story from start to finish. I lose the structure so fast, get distracted in an eye blink. But i do see the structure rising up from all my posts. To me it makes perfect sense. Because i know all the posts i have made here, in the past two years.

I don’t where i will end. Nobody knows. Nobody knows how his or her own life will end. Nobody. I know right now i’m pulling things into the extreme. A bit. A bit much. But i am forcing myself to get something out of me. Something i need to say, or do, or show. Of course i know i can fail. Terribly. But still, i live in the Netherlands, one of the safest countries in the world, for now anyway. I won’t die. So i’m going ahead.

I leave with this photo i made last Friday. It does show the garden and the people all in their own world. And each head has its own space. I love this photo. I hope you do too.