Staying at home

Almost four weeks i spend in this house here, where i am living now. It is not a peaceful experience. I do enjoy it, sure. But i am also aware of my money slowly but surely getting less.

It is not enough. Not yet. I’m still not bright enough to get it out of my mind and on this computer. Sometimes i feel this spark of something. Like early last week, after i got home from visiting my mothers. I felt different then. But it turns back to normal.

I look around here, right now. Part of me doesn’t recognize the place i am right now. Another part is already used to this place. There are so few things of me here. The barest minimum.

I walk around this house reading the titles of the books standing all around me. Some i like to read, sure. Still so many things to learn. It never stops, luckily.

Tomorrow i will make a walk. Rain or not. Maybe i walk to the library, get a new book. Young adult section. Ha!

Published on November 3, 2021 at 6:00 by
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Guns, Germs and Steel

Today i got up real early, around five in the morning. I made some keto coffee and i watched the Expeditie Robinson episode sent out yesterday. I do enjoy watching this show, but i would never participate in it. The whole division in groups, the making of ‘bondjes’ is nothing for me.

After that i watched two (or three?) Silent Witness episodes. It was still early days.

Around half past nine i went to the supermarket to get a few things. Coffee, cream and pedal bin bags. I spend the rest of the morning reading further in Guns, Germs and Steel. I do enjoy reading this book. I will need to read pros and cons for this book though.

Around one i went out again, this time to empty my compost bin in the school gardens close by. I made a short walk in the Essenburgpark. The sun was still shining. Right now, around a quarter past two, clouds are slowly covering the sky. It will rain later on in the day.

Published on November 2, 2021 at 6:00 by
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This past week

This Sunday i went to my mum for her birthday. I was a bit apprehensive about it, but it all went quite well. Much better than i thought beforehand. I felt i should behave like things were normal, not talk about things that bother me. Just be there and be nice basically.

Monday i was still tired. It did feel i had taken a step towards something. Not sure what, but i hope this feeling is right. Tuesday i walked into town. I went to the library. I got something to eat from the market. Wednesday i went to the supermarket for only a few things. Today, Thursday, i took a shower and washed my hair.

A quiet week. I do worry. Of course. Still not sure which way to go. I hope i will find something to do soon!

Published on October 29, 2021 at 6:00 by
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53. Insight

If my mind’s modest,
I walk the great way.
Arrogance
is all I fear.

The great way is low and plain,
but people like shortcuts over the mountains.

The palace is full of splendor
and the fields are full of weeds
and the granaries are full of nothing.

People wearing ornaments and fancy clothes,
carrying weapons,
drinking a lot and eating a lot,
having a lot of things, a lot of money:
shameless thieves.
Surely their way
isn’t the way.

Source: Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu
Translated by Ursula K. Le Guin

Published on October 26, 2021 at 6:00 by
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Mad World


“Mad World”
(originally by Tears for Fears)

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very mad world, mad world

Enlarging your world
Mad world

Published on October 21, 2021 at 6:00 by
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